victory_road | [closed] February Catch All

I'll leave when I want to. But I don't want you to be alone right now. You're hurting.

[ She needs to think of- of something she can do, or someone else can do. Leaving him to think isn't going to help. There's too much and nothing happening at the same time and it's all just... she doesn't actually know what to do. Fuck. All she can do is be a thorn in his side right now. ]

Edited 2021-02-19 19:49 (UTC)

Fine. Do what you want. I'm going back to dance practice.

[He gets up to head over toward the turntable.

Have you had more than a five minute break? I can tell you've been at this for a while. ... I'm not trying to harp on you. But I meant it when I said I know what you're doing because I've done it before.

[ She shifts in her seat, as if bracing herself for something. ]

[Felix breathes a sharp sigh out through his nose and lowers his head, running the fingers of both hands through his hair in frustration. But there is something grounding about her presence and all her prodding, inconvenient though it is for his ability to stave off thinking. She's not dishing out platitudes or saying she's sorry or telling him why it's not as bad as it seems, actually. She's minding the practical realities of having cooped himself up in this room all day, and it's slowly dragging his mind into the present moment.]

...no, I haven't. You win. So what do you want from me? What else am I supposed to do? Don't tell me to go talk to people, I'm not in the mood.

You're going to hate this, but you need to give yourself time to feel. To be afraid and upset, and angry even- and actually feel them. Not work them into nothingness, or numbing the emotions you have. It's just going to make things hurt more. Letting your emotions happen helps you process them faster... sooner you get them over with, the sooner you don't have to deal with them.

[ If there was one thing her teachers did right, it was this much at least. (Burnt out students meant burnt out villains, after all.) ]

I'm not going to say go talk to others or socialize tonight. You aren't up for it. But get some water and some fresh air, and then you need to rest. I won't go with you if you don't want me to.

[She's right, he hates it. He's only ever known three ways to deal with overwhelming emotions: cry, lash out, or throw himself into something to exhaust himself. What she's talking about is either something he doesn't know how to do, or crying, and he desperately wants to avoid that because once he starts he's not sure he'll be able to stop. Besides, Dimitri and Sylvain still to this day waste no opportunity to remind him that he used to cry at the drop of a hat, and he's sick of being remembered that way.

Sick of getting teased about something Glenn always teased him about.]

I don't understand what it is you're suggesting.

At the rest, the immediate, kneejerk reaction comes out first--]

I'm not leaving Sylvain here alone.

[And of course, she'll say he isn't alone, because Dimitri or Claude could come to watch over him instead. Or Sylvain's and his own Pokemon could. But Felix has spent a decade working tirelessly to become stronger so that he can protect the people he loves no matter what. Leaving it in someone else's hands isn't easy, regardless of what logic has to say about it.]

Just- find someplace quiet and just be, Felix. No squashing things down. No fighting them out before they're ready to go. No one will judge you for having emotions- and if they do, I'll personally destroy them. But this isn't going to help you at all.

[ There's a lot of somewhat frustrated statements that want to be said, but she bites them down. He doesn't need it right now. If ever? But she does take a glance at Sylvain. ]

I do understand. But staying in here isn't helping you either.

It's quiet here. Or it was, before you got here. And I spent hours just being. I couldn't take it anymore. There's no point in wallowing when there's nothing I can do to change this, or anything else.

[Because if he stops moving and lets the tidal wave of feelings crash over him, it isn't just Sylvain--it's Rodrigue, and it's knowing that he'll inevitably have to face Dorothea on the wrong side of the battlefield, and it's the entire emotional whirlwind that's been dogging him since the night he and Sylvian arrived in Violet that hasn't let up since. It's just too much. He's exhausted, but he feels like a shark.

Stop moving and you'll drown.]

No, you spent hours grinding yourself to dust.

[ It's... very hard to keep herself calm. But he doesn't need her getting upset. No one does. But... it looks like it's time for something that seems almost cruel to her. Sometimes you have to let yourself drown. And sometimes someone needs to come down and drag you. ]

What does he gain from you numbing yourself to nothing? Or hovering over him without any care for yourself?

Nothing. Just like he'd gain nothing from me doing literally anything else. Because he's not here. Spare me your lectures.

[He can't help the sharp edge that creeps into the words, the way his voice starts to raise just a little for the first time since he saw Claude this morning. He's not sure why this conversation is happening. Or why he's continuing to let it happen. She sounds so much like Ingrid right now--that unrelenting, solid wall of stubborn caring that won't budge no matter how hard he tries to push it away.

...well, maybe that's why.]

Ugh. If I left, where would I even go?

Then don't put me in a position to tell you things you already know because you're burying your head in the sand.

[ But at his question, she can't help but soften- and if her voice wavers a bit, no it didn't. ]

To the people who love you. They're worried, and they need to see you're okay. You aren't just hurting yourself with all of this, Felix. Please? Just- I'm not going to say that you can't visit Sylvain, but other people need you too, and you need them.

You're the one who insisted on staying here.

[He scowls, but he's listening. If they need to see that he's okay, they will probably be sorely disappointed.] I'm not visiting, this is my room. Our room. And if they're worried, they'll want to talk.

...you said something about fresh air. That...might be a good idea. I could leave Varley and the others here to watch Sylvain until we get back.

Not if you've said something insinuating the opposite, earlier. [ ... Yeah, she might have heard of a bit of the ongoings. ] But yes, I think some fresh air will be good. ... Hold on.

[ After a moment, she pulls out her sketchbook, and only the scratch of a pen on paper fills the room. After a few minutes, she turns it around, revealing a... symbol? It looks rather abstract, honestly. ]

This is a sigil, its... it's a form of magic that doesn't need magic so to speak. Or at least back home it is. This one specifically is a... beacon, of sorts. It means 'come home safely'. We can put it over the bed. Okay?

[While she's busy drawing the sigil, Felix goes about putting on his boots and more layers for the cold, brushing out his hair and putting it back up more neatly, and scooping Inda up into his arms; she woke up to the sounds of their voices a while ago and clearly wants to come with them, but she's just as clearly worried about leaving Sylvain here, too.

So Felix releases Varley and the rest of his and Sylvain's Pokemon that can comfortably fit in the room, and they all reassure Inda (and Felix, for that matter) that they'll watch over their Sleeping Beauty in the meantime.

By the time he's ready, Felicity is showing him what she's drawn. He blinks at it, surprised.]

Oh.

[He doesn't entirely trust his voice any further than that at first, so he just nods. He knew she had magic back home, of course--her curse powers--but he didn't know she had this, too. It hits him then how thoughtful she's been--she even asked that Dimitri go all the way to Violet to bring her here. He almost asks why she's doing all this, but she said it already--she cares about him.

He cares about her, too.

After a minute, he clears his throat.]

...thank you. Sylvain will appreciate it, too.

[ Unsure of what else to say, Jinx simply nods and slides out of the chair. Was there tape? --Ah, side table. Tape. Carefully, she leans over the bed and applies the sigil so it's placed above Sylvain's head, and then...

... Well... She's not sure. She can at least stay with Felix for now- it looks like he's a bit more open to company than he was just moments ago. So she goes to his side. ]

Um- okay... I think that's everything for now...?

Mm.

[He locks the door behind them and they walk aimlessly in the nighttime chill. Felix doesn't have much to say, but he doesn't spurn her company, either. The brisk air and the act of walking itself serve to wake him up a bit, mentally speaking, and he's glad he doesn't have to do it alone. By the time they return to the inn some time later, he's at least capable of accepting that tomorrow, the sun will rise, and he will go on doing whatever he would otherwise be doing while Sylvain sleeps, and that feels...somewhat manageable.]

[closed] February Catch All

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