132nd moon [video]

[paladinlost]

[A box of very strong black tea, two large porcelain cups, a bag of coffee grounds and a fancy coffee machine are set on a counter, some distance away. Looks like the Bisharp and the shiny Pangoro that have taken over the Lunar Gym's kitchen have plans for the evening. As gently as possible when one has pointy metal hands, the Bisharp pokes the box and bag in turn, then nods. Satisfied by his choices, the Pangoro turns towards the nearby fridge, opens the door...

...and takes out three whole cans of PokéMonster energy drink, dumping them all in the coffee machine's water reservoir.

At the same, the Bisharp carefully picks two tea bags from the box and sets them in place, before sitting down to wait. And wait. And wait, until the coffee maker finally stops. The resulting dubious liquid is promptly poured into both cups. Somewhere offscreen, someone chokes.

But our intrepid duo is not done! After all, what else is necessary for a good tea? Honey, of course! And milk! And... chocolate sauce... Salsa...? Wait, is that rice vinegar? Orange juice?? Are they even old enough to drink that red wine?

It's only when the Bisharp takes out a bottle of salad dressing and starts squeezing a generous dose in each cup that Cecil finally comments the scene, his voice both awed and horrified:]


Should... Should I stop them, or let nature run its course?

Comments

[paladinlost]

[Let's be fair, the texture probably is an issue, too.]

That texture, that taste, that... everything, really. As far as they're concerned, that's the point.

[nastyboy]

And this is proving... what, necessarily, to them?

Is it truly something that cannot be solved in any other way?

[paladinlost]

Their superiority over one another, of course. Or so they believe. They've already tried to settle their rivalry through window-washing, flower-picking, lullaby-singing, cookie-eating... The list goes on and on. Yet their victories always average out over time.

[nastyboy]

...How is drinking a foul concoction proof of superiority?

[And yet, somehow, he is thinking of Felix.]

Do either of them know how to properly cook?

[paladinlost]

It proves that whoever drinks the most has the strongest stomach, or something like that.

[It mostly proves they're impulsive idiots, really.]

Sadly, they do not. The members of my team that can be trusted in a kitchen can be counted on a single hand, and those two are too busy looking for new types of competition to learn.

[nastyboy]

...That proves nothing, besides they were lucky in how they were born.

[Honestly. Do a rivalry right or not at all, guys!!!!]

Do you think you could convince them into it, or if they can be trusted in a kitchen? I imagine if you were clever about such a thing, you could use their competitiveness against them, by going through each recipe in a cookbook. And, well... There are many different kinds of cookbooks.

[paladinlost]

I did catch them after the Chicken Incident, so they were not tainted by that experience and there's a chance they could learn. Lightbringer and Noelle would surely love to share their passion for cooking...

[And for properly cooked meals that are safe for human consumption.]

Of course, they might also compete over who can read the cookbook the fastest, or who can deviate the most from a recipe without making it unrecognizable. For all that they never agree, their thought processes are terribly odd in the exact same way.

[nastyboy]

So it sounds as though they would have to have a neutral third party to referee... And keep them on track.

I don't suppose any of your companions would want to get involved in such a mess?

[paladinlost]

Rosie would, without a second's hesitation, if only because she knows how to have a healthy rivalry. She could even control them to some degree, with practice. However, as the eldest of the team, she tends to be extremely busy.

[Cecil does his best, but he only has two eyes and two hands.]

Baron might also volunteer... for the exclusive right to consume whatever they produce, of course. Blizzaga would agree to supervise them, but her militant promotion of healthy foods would surely start fights. The other willing option would be Fu, but 'willing' and 'helpful' are not, to my great sorrow, synonyms.

[nastyboy]

Hmm... Quite a dilemma. I would offer help with some of my Paliens, but then distance is a matter. They certainly couldn't hang around nonstop for a cooking competition...

It seems that, of those you have listed, Baron seems perhaps the most fitting?

[paladinlost]

I can think of worse hobbies than judging cooking contests, but I'd never dare to inflict those two upon any Pokémon that is not already used to them. When they are together, they're... an acquired taste, you could say. A shame, too, as they both are perfectly lovely by themselves.

Since Baron is willing to eat nearly everything, it would cover some of her daily meals, at least. She also knows moves that can knock them out, should refereeing their competition become impossible.

[nastyboy]

Ha. I suppose sometimes one becomes their most intense when against certain other personalities, or particular people.

It does seem as though Baron would be for the best. Are there any downsides you can think of?

[paladinlost]

Still, it could be worse. It's best to achieve such intensity with a rival rather than an enemy, if it must be achieved at all.

Oh, I can think of plenty. Should they ever decide to move on, she'll be extremely displeased; as long as she has plenty of new foods to try, she'll consider herself too busy to take care of her Gym duties; she has no talent for budgeting or sourcing ingredients, and no desire to learn either. Yet despite all that, she is by far the safest option.

[nastyboy]

Oh. Well then.

This seems to be quite the conundrum that you have on your hand... At least with her Gym duties and the matter of budgeting, you could theoretically help ensure neither goes out of line too much, whether with having others take her place and going over the different ingredients so that you know nothing goes too over the top....

[paladinlost]

I could always ask Coeurl to supervise the necessary grocery trips, if I cannot be present myself. As long as he plays the role of chaperone, I can be entirely certain that Baron will not encourage those two to choose recipes that involve expensive or extremely rare ingradients.

[A beat.]

Of course, I can also be certain he'll attempt to veto any purchase more expensive than a loaf of bread. That is its own problem.

[nastyboy]

[ . . . ]

Your team is quite... individualistic, I must say.

Would he understand sticking to the expenses that each recipe requires?

[paladinlost]

Indeed. I do have a few members that are both sensible and capable of keeping the others in check! ...But none of my kitchens are large enough to fit a Steelix.

[Which is also a problem, but one beyond the scope of everyone involved in this discussion.]

He'd understand it, intellectually. But he's... something of a traditional gold-hoarding dragon in spirit, yet somehow incarnated as a Persian.

[nastyboy]

[...Hold. Hold on.]

Does that... have something to do with the Payday ability he naturally learns...?

[He feels bad bringing it up to Cecil again after the Telling Silence from before, but...]

[paladinlost]

...That attitude started long before he learned it. So perhaps yes, perhaps no?

[A move that not only breaks the economy, but also the generous spirit of Pokémon. That is a Most Uncomfortable Thought and he does not like it.]

[nastyboy]

Ah.

Well - it is only a theory, at any rate. I obviously know him less than you do.

I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this.... persistent competitive streak.

[paladinlost]

Thank you, for I'll certainly need it. But who knows? Perhaps they'll settle down as they age and grow out of it.