victory_road | Video - joint post of idiots

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Video - joint post of idiots

[Normally it wouldn't take someone this long to figure the video function out, but when your world relies on PARCHMENT and the most you get is books you can write on that show up immediately in the book connected to it? Well, video is a weird function all by itself.

But Fitzroy is nothing if not tenacious when he finally gets the video set up on who knows what, curled up in what looks to be some sort of red, black, and gold outfit with a krabby sitting in his lap.]

Evening, whoever is seeing all of this. I have a couple of questions since neither myself nor my companion can quite figure them out.

One: Who are we blaming for us being here? We have a working theory that Chaos is involved, but I suppose I could always be wrong.

Two: Are we just unlucky to have lost our... well, my magic and his whole water genasi thing or does that just happen here? And if it's the latter: how does one protect themselves from the native flora, fauna, and the people? [As Fitz talks, in his prissy earnest manner to the camera, there's a... very interesting sight ongoing in the background.

A deeply tanned man in what can only be called roguish get-up - leather knee boots, dark jodhpurs and a deep-cut pirate shirt and vest, but also inky blue hair in a feathered, wavy ponytail and a full-on handlebar mustache - is wrestling with a Magikarp next to their campfire.

...it takes a good few moments to realise this isn't actually a cute wholesome scene. Argo is actively trying to throw the Magikarp - which is nearly half as long as the man himself - into the campfire, and is being constantly, narrowly thwarted by it slapping him in the face and chest.

On a particularly vicious slap to the guts Argo actually yelps - he's been winded, and doubles over to wheeze, at which point Fitzroy gives a long-suffering, pointed sigh.] And so far it's been nothing but these creatures, but you can't tell me that people are barbaric enough to use them to fight. That's terrible even for a villain, honestly.

Three: By chance is there something similar to the Heroic Oversight Guild here or what is the local authority? I'm fairly certain there's some legalities of kidnapping students that should be resolved.

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One: The easiest entity to blame is Arceus, who is the closest thing to a god here.

Two: That's normal, and you're supposed to depend on the pokemon - the creature you were given on arrival along with any others you may befriend on your way...

[There's a short pause.]

Though admittedly Magikarps like the one your companion is trying to cook take a while to get going. That's not the pokemon they arrived with, is it? There's a nonzero chance it will make them pay for that later once it evolves.

Three: There are the Jennies, but I'm not sure how much help they'll be. They're not going to be any help at all getting you home.

One: What is an Arceus? Gods aren't real, there's only the two balancing forces of the universe or something. Demons exist, but that's another story.

[He pauses for a moment, pursing his lips and holding up the krabby who is just quietly foaming at the mouth.] We're supposed to rely on these? That's horrendously barbaric when they clearly aren't sentient beings! Snippers 2.0 here is quite a downgrade from the original Snippers, I'll have you know! [... Maybe he shouldn't be upset about a crab, this is fine.

However he does glance behind him to see what Argo's doing being shrugging.]

That's what he had when we got here, so I suppose that's what he has. But it's a fish like any other, isn't it? Meaning you can eat it. And drastic times call for drastic measures when it's snowing and icy and cold like this. I for one am not attached to that thing.

Third: So they're useless then. Lovely. Good. Great. Grand.

That's how it works in your world. It's not how it works here.

Also, they very much are sentient beings. It's just that most humans can't communicate properly with them without a great deal of effort, and even for those of us who do retain enough remnants of power to communicate with them, it's not as simple as a 1:1 conversation.

The Magikarp is not a fish like any other, except insofar as all fish here seem to be some form of pokemon. Magikarp will eventually become a sea monster if it's allowed to grow and gain strength.

[As in, not eaten.]

They are not the most effectual authority, no.

[Argo only heard the last part of that, about his weird stubborn fish evolving, as he approaches Fitz from behind.

--and reaches under the taller man's arm to bop the phone out of his grip, into the air and catch it on its way down. The phone barely spins, actually, it's almost impressive.

Then Argo has the phone and he clearly has no idea what to do with it, but he quickly settles on holding it at arms length.]

Well, it's good to hear the Commodore won't be a useless piece of shit forever! [He says that so cheerfully, in his faintly ~~pirate~~ Scottish-tinted accent.] What kind of sea monster are we talking, a Kraken? Some kinda hydra?

A sea dragon.

[The abruptness of that answer shocks a scoff out of Argo, and then he laughs gleefully, even drawing a hand back so he can elbow Fitz behind him (who's totally not pouting at Snippers 2.0). Back to back, it's clear that Fitzroy is a neat eight inches taller than Argo.]

Y'hear that, boyo? My weird pet monster gets to turn into a fuckin' dragon!

[EXCUSE YOU, DON'T YOU ELBOW HIM, SIR!!!

He's making a hell of an undignified yelp as he's elbowed and abruptly swatting Argo's elbow and arm away from him.]

I'll believe it when I see it, it sounds like absolute horseshit if you ask me. That and that useless thing is still nothing compared to Snippers 2.0 here, obviously. [LET HIM HAVE THIS.]

[It's probably not wise to mention that Snippers 2.0 is simply going to become a larger crab.]

A lot of things around here sound like horseshit until they actually happen. Then they're just ludicrous.

For the record, it will probably take three weeks or so of careful training to get the Magikarp to evolve. A bit longer for the Krabby - and yes, that is what they're called here. You will probably need to get another pokemon to help with the Magikarp, because for much of those first three weeks, it will only be able to splash around a bit, which I understand is deeply frustrating for all the parties involved.

[Argo looks back over his shoulder, incidentally lifting the camera up to show the Magikarp is indeed trying to Splash at their campfire. And when that doesn't work, it starts just trying to flop away from it.]

...we'll work on that. I'm sure he'll have some real harsh words for me later down the line, but first we have to get him there.

[He looks back at the camera.] So there's some sort of guide book for this place, right? How many people are out there just getting abandoned in the middle of a forest full of monsters and no weapons?

Krabby. That's such an on-the-nose name, isn't it? [He frowns a bit, though said crab is just crawling onto his shoulder to sit there and keep foaming at the mouth. Don't question why he doesn't seem bothered by an almost fifteen pound creature perching on him.]

No weapons. No magic. It's as if they want people to die out here.

People who die here end up waking up at the nearest PokeCenter. Which again sounds like horseshit, I know.

[Excuse you, what. Come again.]

... Can't. Die.

Now it just seems like you're messing with in order to throw us off our guard and I'm not falling for it. [Sorry, Shinobu, he is an absolute dipshit.]

[Honestly, Shinobu doesn't blame him.]

Suit yourself. Though if I really wanted to mess with you, I'd come up with something much more believable.

[He probably will, especially if he's the vengeful type.]

You didn't start off in town?

And that would be... most of us who are brought in from other worlds, although I think most of us start off in that one house in New Bark Town with the false mother. There should be a number of orientation documents on the PokeGear - that would be the device we're using to talk right now - but that's less than helpful when you're not used to the technology and don't know how it works. Honestly, there are times when I wonder how much the entity who brings us here thinks these things through.

And weapons aren't allowed - the idea is to rely on the pokemon in the event you come under attack. Obviously in some cases that works better in theory than in practice, though.

[He looks personally offended now.]

Florence was a waa-ha-hay better weapon than these guys! [And he calls back over his shoulder] No offense, Commodore! [and back to Shinobu] An actual rapier is leagues better than whatever monsters this place can throw at us! And our magic--even with the, well, the performance issues [deliberately not looking at Fitzroy], we can take care of ourselves well enough!

The performance issues are unfortunately a feature. Everybody who's brought in, no matter how powerful, or what species they are, ends up as a baseline human, with maybe a few cosmetic features that hint at nonhuman origins for those who are, and no powers. The only exception I've found so far is people who have some ability to communicate psychically, or with other species, but even then communication is limited to pokemon, and it's not always clear what they're saying.

Also, the pokemon tend to grow stronger the farther you go here. That said, if you stay out of the tall grass and wilderness areas, the only attacks you have to worry about are from Trainers and their pokemon. However, they tend to take eye contact as a challenge and it's considered poor etiquette to refuse them.

You know you're not making this sound any less like some weird... alternate universe chaotic possibility hallucination or whatever the hell Chaos makes. Crazy future dreams where people use damn monsters as pets and cockfighting.

[Shinobu grimaces.]

Believe me, I am very aware.

Anyway, the point is that there seem to be very set rules about how we're supposed to exist here - the local god figure is a pokemon named Arceus which is apparently so powerful it might as well be a deity, and it seems to have very specific ideas about how the people it brings here are supposed to function, whether it makes sense to us or not. And it frequently doesn't.

[He hasn't even mentioned pokemon eggs. And he is absolutely not going to.]

[Armin will answer his questions in a moment, but first--]

Please stop trying to fry that Magikarp!

[At least the krabby is safe in Fitzroy's lap?]

It's a fish, why?

It is a fish, but it's also a pokemon, and-- [This is going to sound so weird.]

This world really cares about its pokemon a lot. If a Jenny-- that is to say a member of the local law enforcement would see you do this, they will arrest you. Besides, Pokemon aren't actually edible. At least, not in that way. So even if you do manage to get it on the fire, you'll just end up with something you really don't want to try eating.

Plus, that is supposed to be your friend's partner pokemon. He's going to need it.

[Give him a moment, Armin, while he stares at the camera with a raised brow. The wheels are turning in his hand before he merely waves a hand to dismiss the whole damn thing.]

What he does or does not do with said fish is up to him, then. I merely would have benefitted from it. [That's a lie, he was just as down to try and eat the fish.]

And come on, you can't tell me that they'd get upset over something as tiny as this if it were a Villain doing it, can you? That's going against all the standards and codes and what-not! Being nice to native wildlife sounds far more like a Heroes bag if I'm going to be broadcasting anything.

[Argo's voice is audible before the man himself is visible behind Fitzroy's shoulder, leaning an elbow as high as he can reach to the zero-percent-elf's shoulder.]

You know, technically you're my boss. I was only cooking that fish because you told me to.

[The shit-eating grin under that fabulous mustache suggests the actual truth is otherwise, though.]

Well, regardless of whose idea it is, how about you put the poor thing into its Pokeball. I'll try and answer any of your questions after.

[First fish care, then answers.]

What, the little ball thing he came out of? But it's so cramped and little! He's doing just fine outside of it, look how happy he is!

[Said Magikarp is making a spirited attempt to Splash at the fire - it's almost working, in that its wild flailing is picking up and tossing loose snow around.]

You guys have weird fish here, by the way- I'm just saying. He hasn't needed water the entire time I've had him out and he's still not dead!

The pokeballs are much larger on the inside than they seem on the outside.

It's true that fish pokemon -- well, all water pokemon, can survive on land longer than you might expect, but they all do need water eventually. If not to take in new air, then at the very least to protect their skins.

Okay, so there's lots of weird fish you guys can't eat here.

What about fish jerky? Or citrus, do you guys have limes here? [this man's priorities...]

[This man seems very interested in the existence of limes.]

Uh, yes. There are plenty of different fruits available here, including limes. And they are cheap too.

'Arceus,' supposedly. Chaos is as accurate as anything.

[It certainly describes the effect at least.]

As for your magic--no one retains their abilities. Not in any sort of appreciable sense. The 'creatures', as you say, are what you are expected to defend yourself with--and participate in the sport around pitting them against one another.

That said, attempting to eat them is pointless. [He tried.]

I mean, I wouldn't put it past Chaos to take another form and another name to continue to kick us in the teeth. Heaven forbid you aren't keen on being a chaotic being when they take an interest in you...

[That's about as detailed as he's willing to get, though he huffs out a soft breath and holds up Snippers 2.0.]

You cannot tell me that my weird second version of my precious baby boy is supposed to be fighting anything. He's a crab. That's just asking for him to get pounded into the ground, isn't it?

... And I've somewhat noticed that, considering Argo can't even seem to wrangle the creature. You would think a pirate would have a better shot than anyone else when it comes to a fish, no?

It shall get bigger. And where we have not retained any grasp of magic should we have had it, these creatures are oft aspected to some element or other. That one is water. As is the fish, like as not.

[He's never really encountered a Magikarp, though he does have his own ugly fish that turned into a sea serpent.]

The device we are using to speak also serves as a log. It can tell you more about the creatures you encounter. Though with the cold, I imagine your encounters may be scarce.

[He says, very obviously outside in little more than a tunic and vest and looking perfectly comfortable. Johto hasn't got a thing on a Coerthan winter.]

[Argo has given up trying to cook the fish as a bad job anyway, and as he approaches Fitz he disappears from sight for a moment - it's easy to think he's just hidden behind Fitzroy's bulk, before the camera suddenly jerks as he yoinks the camera out of the CEO's hands to grin broadly at the person on the phone.]

Well I'm water-aspected too, I'm a goddamn Water Genasi. Only now I'm stuck as a damn human - nothing personal, my mother was a human, but my gods it's cold here! Isn't there a carriage service we can take to get out of this faster?

Nothing personal indeed, I am not 'human'.

[It's not that cold either, in his opinion. He's basically a snow elf, okay.]

No. You'll note there are no roads.

[He's doubtful there's even a well-demarcated path, with the snow.]

Someone may be able to use a flying Pokemon to retrieve you. They do get large enough to ride.

The magikarp's not food and your friend is gonna get his ass kicked by a fish, and he will deserve it. ... Also our magic is totally gone. It sucks, I know. Trust me.

As for the other thing... The creatures we're given are supposed to be our partners- I disliked the idea at first too, but my little grim reaper guy can harness fire, ice and lightning in his punches so I've long since stopped questioning it. They will communicate it to you if they don't want to fight though.

[ A purple kitten with folded ears pops up in the corner for a moment, staring judgmentally through the screen before toddling off. He has no time for fools like that when he has poffins to eat, thank you. Jinx just lets him go. ]

Like that lil guy- he's Allium, and while he's willing to train he doesn't like competitive battling. If I try anything he doesn't want to do, he simply won't listen... and will probably hide my toothbrush later.

Edited 2021-02-22 17:45 (UTC)

As long as it's not me. [FITZROY, NO, BAD.]

Honestly, I question the intelligence of... ours... at least. [Let him hold this krabby up to the screen who is just blankly staring at foaming at the mouth. What intelligence is there.]

As much as I adored Snippers, Snippers 2.0 here seems... [He trails off for a second as he tries to find the word for it.] less than capable in that particular department. It won't stop me from spoiling him, of course, but I question the capabilities or ability to tell me much of anything, honestly.

You are so valid. [ She gets it. Like... sometimes you just gotta let your friend get beaten up by a fish. ]

Go jack your friends' Gear for a moment since he's not using it right now. There'll be a function that can tell you more about your friend there, including what forms of attacks he can use and more. And they grow stronger as you go. My Fuji- he's a little dragon- started out being able to... hop around and surprise people at best, and now he can splash his opponents with a piping hot acid. ... It- it isn't fatal, I promise. But yeah! That's a thing. You just gotta help them out as much as they help you- they can't grow without your support.

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be able to just, handle it myself. But we have to abide by the rules here for now.

Edited 2021-02-23 04:57 (UTC)

[Said victim of piscean abuse is listening in on the conversation happening, despite appearances, and when Jinx brings up his phone he pulls it out. It takes a few moments to get the right app up, but he's been practicing, and soon he's calling back to Fitz with open disappointment.]

All he knows is something called Splash.

So, for right now? That's all he can do. His life is an eternal struggle until he finally reaches triumph- in this case, evolution. You can't give up on him, but you're definitely gonna want to get him some backup- if you see a purple cat, those guys are great.

[ There is no way in hell she's going to tell these people to get the walking fruit we call bounsweet. ]

There's also some who come out only at night! Maybe you'll run into some.

Think of all of this as like... summonings, if it helps, since you're familiar with magic.

Just gonna chime in and say that- yeah, Arceus is real. I fed it a sandwich once. ...It's a long story.

[So says the silver-haired stranger- now mid-20's after spending a decade here. He... raises an eyebrow at the crazy sight with the Magikarp. Someone's probably already chimed in, given that a quick perusal was enough to pinpoint Arceus being namedropped a few times.]

Anyway, I'd say getting brought here's more like drawing straws. There's no set pattern to who shows up, how long they stay, or when they appear. I'm one of the old timers- been here ten years, but we're not exactly the standard. And no, there's no way to brute force getting back home. Either it happens, or it doesn't.

[Shrugging, he carries on-]

I'm sure someone's already brought up the Jennies. But there are other forces at play when it comes to defending the peace- groups of off-worlders like us dedicated to keeping the peace and taking on Team Rocket- basically this world's local crime syndicate.

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Video - joint post of idiots

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Hijacks here not gomen

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