victory_road | [closed] March Catch All

I'm the curse!

The words seem all too familiar to him, because they're words he himself had thought over and over and over again. He was the only survivor. He couldn't stop any worse from happening. And then losing people, so many times it became an old hat...

Claude talks. It's something he's good at, talking. Reassuring. Dimitri lets him, taking in a deep breath and stretching out one hand for Chip. He'll keep it there for as long as necessary.

He's not the same kind of talker as Claude. All he can do is look to Chip and say, soft but unyielding, "If knights kill demons, would kill you, then I will no longer be a knight. You are more important than that to me, Chip."

Sadly, Chip is not really in a mental state to fully take in what Claude is saying--the words just turn into nothing, even though they hear every word it doesn't mean anything, it's nothing but air. Trying to say a secret from a person is the same as this...Dimitri being so soft as to be willing to protect something like them...

They don't get it. Why don't they get it?

"I'm not...I'm not...!" Chip's protests dissolve into quiet sobs, not reaching out to either man but neither rejecting their touch. There's no changing what will come, no point in trying to stop it.

It's all over.

Ultimately, Claude and Dimitri aren't really able to do much good; Chip's so distressed that Claude's not sure he heard a word he said, and even Dimitri's reassurances seem to fall on deaf ears.

But Claude knows someone who might be able to help better than they can.

Even before Claude can suggest they text Grant(or do it himself), Dimitri makes the offer to do so. And as soon as they get confirmation on where Grant is, Claude's going to take off with Blitz. He'll push his Noivern hard, with gentle apologies and a promise of a rest soon; Blitz and Elshot have been troopers during this search, and now that Chip's been found they can be properly rested and spoiled.

As soon as they make this last pickup.

It's not long at all before Claude and Blitz are landing near Chip and Dimitri again, but this time Grant is with them.

Edited 2021-03-21 06:20 (UTC)

Grant practically drops off Blitz's back the moment the Noivern hits the ground, with a quick squeeze of Claude's arm and a last "thank you" to the both of them. There have probably been a few of those in the span of the flight over, in the midst of Claude's explanation of what's happened so far.

And then he takes off to Chip and Dimitri, dropping down onto his knees right in front of Chip, his hands hovering uncertainly over their shoulders for a moment. "Chip-- I-I'm so glad they found you, are you--"

He lets out a shaky breath, trying to steady himself, before setting his hands on their shoulders and leaning forward a bit, letting his head rest against theirs. Calm down. He's got to calm them down, and he can't do that if he's freaking out himself. "I'm glad you're not hurt."

The difference of their reaction is night and day; where before Chip had been resistant (if physically pliant) as soon as Grant speaks their head snaps up to stare at him, no longer lost in their weeping protests. He reaches for them and they let out a choking sob before launching themself into his arms and truly setting in on a bawling cry. Even without words, their death grip on Grant speaks well enough to their real feelings about running away.

Dimitri has been patiently waiting alongside Chip ever since Claude took off, not only to make sure the child doesn't run away but also just on the off chance that they become even the slightest bit open to his presence.

It hasn't worked, however, and so it's a relief when Grant arrives, and everything changes like rain stopping. Dimitri pushes himself up from where he'd been laying down again, and rises up with an anxious look towards Claude. He doesn't go too far, however, leaning down to squeeze Grant's shoulder.

Everything is going to be okay.

Claude slips off Blitz's back...not nearly as fast as Grant, but then he doesn't feel all that necessary here. For all their best efforts, it doesn't seem like he and Dimitri are really able to do any good here. They found Chip, but it appears that the only person who can really help them - or that Chip wants and/or will allow to help them - is Grant.

Which Claude supposes is understandable; Grant is their dad. And Claude certainly is fully behind anything that will help Chip feel better and come back to them, whatever it takes. But...he won't deny it stings a little. For Chip to be so afraid of them - especially when Claude feels like he and Chip have a lot in common, perhaps a little bit more than he'd even realized before today(he's no demon, nothing non-human, but he'd certainly been viewed as a hateful existence in his own right due to his blood) - and to neither hear nor accept their reassurances hurts. It feels like Chip's decided they're far worse people than they are, based on no actual evidence they've ever given them, and they won't accept any evidence to the contrary either. The thought that, to Chip, Claude is being perceived as a perhaps even more extreme form of the sort of person who'd once hated and attacked Claude himself...it's a little sickening. Even knowing that the kid probably has every reason to be paranoid, and that paranoia isn't something easily or logically fought.

And, of course, it's a bit of a rude slap in the face for both him and Dimitri to have been so worried about Chip, to have done so much to find them, to want nothing more than to help them and protect them...and be accused of wanting to kill them. To be cowered from, to be feared and distrusted. Claude thinks he could tolerate that easier for himself, if it came to that - while usually he's earned the mistrust leveled at him, he's at least used to it, and has on occasion invited it. And Chip doesn't know him that well yet, either. But...Dimitri? The man who's been nearly as frantic as Grant over Chip's leaving, who's had tears in his eye on finding them again, who's never been anything but protective of and earnest at Chip? Who Chip likes so much? Why can't Chip trust him, if not Claude? Why does Dimitri's worry and love not seem to be able to reach Chip at all, as though Chip doesn't even see it? Claude can set his own hurt aside, but - Dimitri deserves better than this.

But ultimately...Claude knows none of these feelings matter. In fact, none of those feelings can even be addressed. Chip's so distraught right now, and probably for the near future, that calling them out on how poorly they've been thinking of people who've never been anything but kind to them would be completely counter-productive, even if it were fair to do so. Because it would be unfair to hold Chip responsible, as though they made some conscious, logical choice to be afraid. It's paranoia and trauma, that's obvious enough...and those don't respond to logic that well. Hadn't Grant himself mentioned something like that to Claude? That there's not much point telling people who are suffering from a degree of delusion that their thought processes don't make logical sense?

(It's not as if Claude isn't aware of that, either...so much as he's not sure how one fights delusional beliefs otherwise. How does one bring someone out of a delusion if not by contradicting it? And how does one contradict a delusion except by proving it wrong? Claude doesn't know, but he desperately wishes he did. It's a question that's become far more relevant to his life than he ever would have imagined it might be.)

But the underlying fact of the matter is that it'd just upset Chip all over again - maybe even worse - if any of them indicate that their low opinions of them might bother them. How are they supposed to make Chip feel like it's okay and that no one is mad at them if they are in fact upset about this? Over their fear, of all things, which Chip can hardly be expected to control? So...Claude's just going to have to bury this. Move past it. Some hits you simply have to take on the jaw, and keep going, and this is going to be one of them.

Dimitri...probably won't even register that there's anything to be upset over, which is a mixed blessing. Dimitri's so used to thinking terribly of himself, it won't even occur to him he deserved to have Chip think better of him than this. Convenient for Dimitri's not having anything to dwell on here, but Claude personally hates it because he at least thinks Dimitri did deserve better. That if anyone could have helped Chip besides Grant, should have been listened to and trusted by Chip besides Grant, it should have been Dimitri. But there's nothing they can do about that, either.

Chip needs to heal, after this. They need to be able to feel comfortable with the group again - or, perhaps, for the first time, now that their secret's finally out. To be reassured that they all care about them, that none of them are mad at them, that whatever their background or blood or whatever it is Chip is so terrified will make them hurt and judge them for doesn't change how they feel about them at all. That last order of business is incredibly easy to do, for Claude; nothing about that would have ever bothered him. Pretending that this incident didn't change his feelings towards Chip a bit in complicated ways, however, for reasons that have nothing whatsoever to do with Chip's demonic nature or a curse or because Chip ran away in the first place but have everything to do with realizing how Claude himself feels about Chip, and how utterly polarizingly differently Chip feels about all of them...that's going to be a lot harder. And Claude can already see the massive potential for misunderstanding if he gets the balance even a little bit wrong. Chip ran away thinking they all hated them when nothing was wrong and nobody was angry at them; if Claude gives Chip even the slightest inkling of resentment or bitterness or hurt after this, he can just imagine what Chip will assume is the cause.

So he needs to sink this to the absolute bottomless depths of the ocean, until even he's forgotten it. He needs to be able to look, act, and be like he never felt these things or had these thoughts at all, for Chip's sake. Anything less is liable to explode.

He moves over to Grant briefly, long enough to squeeze the man's shoulder in turn, before he turns and heads back to Blitz, quietly fussing over him. Grant and Chip should have their privacy, he feels...and he can get started on boxing these feelings up.

Edited 2021-03-23 02:20 (UTC)

Grant’s reaction is immediate, wrapping his arms around Chip in turn and holding them as close as he can. For a little bit, it seems like it might as well just be the two of them - but that only lasts as long as it takes for Chip to start calming down, to get out of crisis mode.

Then, though he doesn’t let go of Chip, still cradling them against himself, he looks up, glancing hesitantly from Dimitri to Claude. In the wake of all this, with Chip finally back with them and safe… there are bound to be some questions that need answering. So, to start with: “Chip… can you tell us why you ran away?”

He has his suspicions, of course, and what he's heard so far has reinforced those... but he can't know for sure unless he hears it from Chip. And if Chip can't put words to it... well, he'll just have to keep working with what he knows.

Even after calmimg down somewhat from their hysterics, Chip still clings tightly to Grant with their face buried against his chest. They sniffle and hiccup, having to try a few times to get the words out.

"I-I was...I hurt everyone, a-and then...I s-started yelling, and..."

Dimitri would be fine waiting for an eternity, if it were to help Chip, but thankfully they have Grant there to make sure it doesn't take nearly as long. It's a relief that at least someone can get through... and Dimitri supposes it would only make sense that it would be Grant. That it would be Chip's father.

A part of him wonders... Well, it's silly to wonder about things that can't happen. All Dimitri can do is wait until Chip hiccups out an answer.

"You didn't hurt me, Chip," he promises softly and unaware of the attempt to destroy one of Felix's kneecaps. "I admit I didn't like it when you yelled... But you feel bad about that, don't you?"

"Oh, no, Chip..." Grant smooths their hair down gently, since it's clear they're not detaching from him any time soon.

He nods in agreement at what Dimitri says. "There was... a lot of yelling that day. You can't be blamed for that."

"But I--" They hiccup a little, though Grant's hand on their head does seem to help. "I was--Sylvain too, he's been...I-I didn't wanna curse him..."

"You did not curse him, Chip." Dimitri says this firmly, certainly. If anyone is a curse... But no, he won't say that in front of a child. "Jane and her friend Dirk, they told us that happens to people sometimes, here. They merely... fall asleep for a short while."

There's more to it than that, but, well. Dimitri thinks that's a little much for Chip right now.

"What happened to Sylvain was merely... a natural thing to this land."

If that's doing anything at all to help, he'll just keep it up. Whatever will help them out right now.

"Exactly. That wasn't your fault, Chip; just something that happens every so often here. You had nothing to do with it, and he's fine, okay?"

..."Fine" in a sense, anyway. Chip really doesn't need to know about the rest.

"But it was for so long..."

They know, on some level, there's things they're not being told. Something being held back from them. Jane hadn't looked like it was just a bad nightmare when she woke up, and Chip is almost sure it will be the same with Sylvain.

"...is he..."

Unless it's happened already?

"He is all right," Dimitri promises them. This is maybe not entirely true. There is still a great deal that they all have to deal with, reassurances to be made, futures to figure out... But...

Sylvain is alive, and safe, and with them. As long as that remains true... Then there will always be hope for him to be all right. Dimitri has to tell himself that just to keep going.

"We were all able to talk with him, and reassure him. Claude said that he managed to cheer him up, even. He is still the same Sylvain he's always been."

...Massively depressed and hiding it under questionable coping mechanisms.

That'll work for now; Chip doesn't need to know all the details right now. The important thing is that Sylvain is back, and he's still himself in the end.

Grant finds himself smiling, genuinely, a bit relieved at the reminder that Claude managed to get through to Sylvain and make things a little easier for him. "Yeah. He's awake, and he's doing alright, Chip - and I'm sure he's going to want to see you."

[closed] March Catch All

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