victory_road | [closed] March Catch All

Entry tags:

[closed] March Catch All

Who: Team Femblemtroika (Grant, Chip, Dimitri, Sylvain, Claude, Felix, Jinx, Razor, Ashe, Annette, Lysithea - with people going in and out as they please)
What: Please let this group just fall asleep in Olivine for a while with nothing exploding, they beg you
When: March
Where: The Olivine City general area
Rating: T

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It will be hard at first.

[He can't argue with that.]

But... that hole can heal over time, if you give it room to. It might not close completely. And it'll still hurt now and then. But, I promise you - even if it doesn't feel that way now, things will get to be better than they have been.

...Things have been better with you. And in Johto.

[Even Dimitri has to admit that. Things have changed, despite the fact that he used to think they never would and never could. Not for something like him.]

I just wish... I could see them again. And apologize... But it...

...It isn't them, is it?

Good... I'm really glad.

[And there is the key, unavoidable question.

Grant shakes his head, just slightly, still leaning against Dimitri, and his voice is soft when he speaks.] ...No.

[He knew it was coming. He knew the answer before Grant spoke it.]

[And yet it still hurts, still makes his eye and the socket burn with tears that want to force themselves out as he takes in a wet, shuddering breath.]

I... Grant.

[He doesn't know what to say, or if the words could get out past the soft choking of air in his throat.]

[There's not much Grant could expect him to say. So, instead, Grant lets go of Dimitri's hand, only to put his arms around him and pull him into a hug.]

I'm so sorry, Dimitri.

[Slowly, Dimitri sinks against Grant's body, until he can curl up against him. It hurts. Why does it always keep hurting? There's a choked out noise in the back of his throat, sharp like a shard of glass where it hits him.]

It shouldn't... I... I did so much for them, I... But it didn't... IT was for...

[It was all for nothing. He wasn't even helping anyone in the end.]

[Grant shushes him gently, combing his fingers through Dimitri's hair, holding him as close as he can as if to block out the rest of the world. There's not much he can say here, no real way to reassure a man who's realizing that he's worn himself down and torn people apart to... no meaningful end. Because of ghosts that weren't even there.

Right now, all he can really do is be here.]

[Dimitri needs little encouragement to cling to Grant, hold onto him tightly. The crying is a little harder, forced and choked out in the clear manner of someone who is honestly trying hard not to cry whether they realize it or not. It's not a pleasant feeling, when he feels sick and fuzzy headed already, and honestly... Sometimes it still feels as though he doesn't deserve to cry.]

[Not with all the things he's done.]

[From where he has his face buried against Grant, Dimitri wheezes in another wet breath.]

...I deserve it... All I did, and only my eye...

"Deserving" isn't a part of this stuff, dear. [He just murmurs that softly to Dimitri, so close in his efforts to comfort him that he's almost speaking into his hair.] Even if you see where your actions led to that consequence... that doesn't mean you can't mourn what you lost.

Doesn't feel fair...

[He still has the rest of him, after all. One eye still, his hearing, his limbs, his ability to move. His ability to be alive. And yet..]

[Dimitri lets out a shuddering rasp.]

...I hit things. When I move. Even now, when it has been so long, things still do not seem right, sometimes... I hate that. That I'm like that...

Yeah, the visibility thing is... it's frustrating. I've got to assume we'll both get better at managing over time, but... I know it probably doesn't feel like it sometimes.

[Dimitri may even have had longer to get used to his lack of depth perception by now, but Grant doubts that'd make it any less difficult - especially if Dimitri feels that his ability to navigate just hasn't improved in that time.]

It doesn't feel like it at all.... Feels like I should be able to just... open it.

[But he can't. He's always going to be blind in that eye, now, and there's nothing that can really change that. Dimitri sniffles against Grant's shirt.]

...Does yours still hurt?

[He answers that first statement with a soft hum of agreement, and then considers Dimitri's question.]

Sometimes. Not often, but it happens... what about yours?

Mm. Sometimes. When I cry, or I get headaches... It feels like it hurts a little worse.

I hate crying...

[So it's kind of unfortunate that he's done a lot of it today, although at least it's during a time when he already feels terrible.]

Yeah, same here... [He lets out a breath, gives Dimitri a gentle squeeze.] It sucks. 'M sorry you've got to deal with that... and that you hate crying.

[Not that Grant's a huge fan of it, either.]

Mmm...

[Just a soft, miserable noise of agreement.]

...What do you hate most about it, Grant? About... missing it?

[What he hates the most... Grant thinks for a few moments, turning the question over in his head before he speaks.]

I think, more than anything practical, I hate that... that my body was changed like that. Something so permanent, not to mention visible, that's gonna affect the rest of my life... that thought bothers me more than the actual consequences, I think.

[Something permanent and visible, happening to him without his consent... Dimitri thinks he'd surrendered to it, honestly. Wasn't that just how his life was to go, after all? The Tragedy, Edelgard's betrayal, someone usurping the throne and killing his uncle, thinking he'd lost Dedue...]

[Why not one more thing to the list?]

[But for Grant...]

[Dimitri squeezes down where he holds onto the other man.]

I won't let that happen ever again... So long as I am there, I will keep you safe, Grant. I'll make you happy....

Aw, Dimitri... [Grant presses a gentle kiss to Dimitri's temple.] I appreciate it, really. But I don't want you feeling like you're responsible for my safety... I'm just glad you're here with me at all.

I want you to stay safe... I want you to be happy and safe.

[But he's starting to mumble now. With the sickness, and now the headache from crying, his body is deciding it's time to start shutting down for a little bit.]

I am. You don't have to worry about that.

[All that aside, he tilts his head a little to examine Dimitri's state, and rubs his shoulder gently. Looks like he's running out of steam... it's definitely for the best that he sleep, but Grant supposes it would be better if it weren't while sitting on the floor, and trapping Grant here in the process.] Hey, Dimitri... d'you think you can get back up on the bed if I help you?

I can get on my feet. [Dimitri would probably say this even if he couldn't, honestly, but hey. He starts to feel along the floor, pressing his palm flat against hotel carpet.] I will not have to wear a shirt, will I?

No, you don't have to wear a shirt. [Said very gently and patiently. It's okay, buddy.

Grant shifts to get his feet under him, one hand resting on Dimitri's shoulder and the other on his arm to help him up.] You got your balance okay?

[Wobbling up onto his feet, Dimitri considers himself.]

I believe so, yes. Shirts are terribly hot, Grant.

Good... that's good. [Is it possible for his smile to get any fonder? It sure feels like it keeps doing that.] They certainly are - at least when you're running a fever like the one you've got.

[He guides Dimitri back to the bed, making sure he keeps his balance long enough to sit down properly on the mattress.]

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