003 ★ video + action for route 32

[scourgingstars]

I'm certainly not above admitting when I have perhaps made an error in judgment. To underestimate this realm's venerated leaders- [Was that some condescending sarcasm?] -is clearly a basic mistake I shan't be making twice. Truly, failure is the greatest teacher. Particularly since I have little doubt S--Falkner bothers to vary his combat strategies. His sort never do, you know. Too overconfident and stuck-up to assume themselves flawed. [Ardyn rolled yellow eyes in exasperation.] Heavens forbid.

[Hey gang, it's Johto's newest rambling shitpost vlogger. From the look of things, he's wandering about through the tall grass not too far from Violet City today, twirling an umbrella in the hand not holding his Pokegear.]

[Anyone else hear that ominous rustling off-camera?]

All that said, I do believe I've properly adjusted to this realm--considerable adjustment though it may have been. I don't even know when I last saw daylight before all this, never mind everything else. [hunger? fatigue? what is THIS horseshit?] Traveling across the land on foot, at the mercy of the whims of nature and its terrible creatures, there's something very delightfully antiquated about the whole gods-awful experience. Imagine, a world where one could even travel safely at night, should they so wish--

[As if to remind Ardyn of his certainty that he was living in a brightly colored hell, the rustling was suddenly much closer--followed by a streak of red lunging for his head with all the incoherent noises of something very angry, very hungry, or both. With his Pokegear sent flying with a colorful string of curses in a mostly-dead language, the video spent a moment focused upon a blurry patch of grass before cutting out.]

[Travel safely at night, sure. Apparently it was mid-afternoon that was his problem.]

Comments

video

[hatedthemost]

Pfff - [aaa he should not laugh] - holy shit, dude, are you okay?

[scourgingstars]

[It is, perhaps understandably, going to take a fair while before any substantial answer.]

[But once the disaster is handled, Ardyn has leaves stuck in his hair, a few scratches on his face, and a smile that screams 'murder' while holding a bright red scorpion with a furiously snapping mouth at arm's length by its tail.]

[In the tone of one who is consciously suppressing blinding rage:] Perfectly fine.

[hatedthemost]

Uh, are you sure, 'cause that's a giant scorpion?

[scourgingstars]

Giant? No, no, this is juvenile at best. I've seen bigger.

...Of course, those don't usually lunge to kill on sight.

[hatedthemost]

.....yeah, okay. I mean, I guess I knew this place was a nightmare. Why not.

[scourgingstars]

Oh, it's horrific. [Smiiiiile.] I'm quite sure I'm in hell.

[hatedthemost]

Kinda makes sense. I mean, some of these little guys are a little too cute for that, but at the same time...

[Vague gesture encompassing Everything!]

[text]

[instrumentally]

Duck.

[A brief gap, and then.]

I believe that text message may have arrived late.

[scourgingstars]

[Eventually:]

perhaps by just a critical moment or two

[instrumentally]

You are alright?

[scourgingstars]

i am still alive, which in this fragile mortal shell is a shocking accomplishment.

[instrumentally]

It is somewhat difficult to get used to, yes.

[scourgingstars]

i've no idea how one manages. a stiff breeze could kill me, never mind a ravenous reapertail

or whatever this thing is

[instrumentally]

I believe it is called a Scorupi.

[scourgingstars]

must EVERYTHING have an absurd name here

[yeah because 'reapertail' is so brilliant]

[instrumentally]

It seems so.

[scourgingstars]

that is extremely frustrating

[instrumentally]

It is something you may just have to accept.

[scourgingstars]

everything about this world does all it can to irritate me

[instrumentally]

I am sorry to hear that.

[scourgingstars]

[...This was new, usually people were much more annoyed at his melodramatics by now.]

you're an abundantly patient individual, aren't you

[instrumentally]

If that is what you think, I cannot stop you.

[scourgingstars]

and passive on top of that

does nothing at all bother you?

[instrumentally]

Does that bother you?

[scourgingstars]

many things bother me

such as the extinction of horses, the color blue, open ocean, and stuck up falconers

[instrumentally]

There are horses here.

[scourgingstars]

yes i am indeed aware of the brightly colored mutated spiracorn, as one tried to kill me not too long ago

also i live with one

[these may be the same ponyta]

[instrumentally]

This seems to be a recurring problem for you.

[scourgingstars]

i also have many reoccurring problems, yes

[instrumentally]

You may want to fix some of them.

[scourgingstars]

i would love to, and yet most of them are out of my control. like the bloodthirsty reapertail that tried to eat me.

[instrumentally]

You must pay more attention to your surroundings.

Action

[floatsaway]

[Well, something certainly is making a whole lot of noise somewhere... Curiously and cautiously approaching from where she was training her Pachirisu, Almond, to take on the Violet City Gym herself (as she learned at the trainer's school there, that the little electric type would be a great boon in the gym of fliers), she pushes through the tall grass and nearly balks at what she sees. holy shit what the fuck--

Okay, she once saw a grown ass man assaulted by bugs like this before, and...dear god, she understood poor Mic's need for some goddamn PTSD therapy after Datto Shitto™ so there's a half second where a horrible shiver runs up Ochako's spine before her Hero Instincts take over and she's leaping to action.]

Ah, d-don't worry!! I'll get it off you! A-Almond-chan, um...um--! Quick Attack!! [And like a little bullet, the squirrel that was wrapped around Ochako's neck like a cozy scarf squeaks and leaps down her arm, rushing at the Skorupi to T-bone it at high speed.]

[scourgingstars]

[And apparently, this was now happening.]

[The squirrel barreled into the scorpion, leaving Ardyn on the ground to stare at the sky and contemplate where he went wrong in life. Concluding (as usual) that he had done nothing to deserve most of the things that happened to him, he sat up and dazedly picked a few leaves out of his hair while this whole tussle was going on.]

[floatsaway]

[It most certainly is happening. It's truly a miracle that the route music didn't simply change to "The World's Smallest violin" when Ardyn was taken out, but no need to make a grown man cry.

Anyway! As Almond wrestles the angry, red scorpion Pokemon, her cheeks sparking with electricity as a warning, Ochako hurries over to the poor man and offers him a hand to get up, and to make sure he wasn't actually hurt or anything. Hell, she hasn't seen one of those things before, but if it is like a real scorpion, she needs to make sure he wasn't stung??]

Almond-chan, keep it distracted!! Watch out for the pincers and stinger, too! A-Are you alright, sir? Did that thing sting you? Can you stand at all?

[scourgingstars]

I'm fine, I'm fine.

[He picked himself up without taking Ochako's hand. Nothing was seriously hurt nearly so much as his pride; a few scratches to his face, but nothing severe. The Skorupi, meanwhile, had backed off bristling angrily and snapping its jaws.]

[floatsaway]

[Ah...he's a cranky man. Or, maybe, just embarrassed? Either way, Ochako does lower her hand, but she still hovers close by just to make sure he doesn't collapse or anything like that. Stubborn folks are usually the hardest to help - when they feel they don't need it, or want it - but she's been trained on that...a little.]

O-Okay, but...please let me know if you start feeling funny, okay? I don't want anything bad happening to anyone. [She's back to managing her Pokemon, who has her hackles raised, shaking her long and bushy tail threateningly as it sparks with electricity. Her nature may be Docile, but she's all fight when it comes down to it.] Is that normal? I've fought a few of these things in passing, but I've never seen one that color before. Do you think maybe it's sick? Maybe that's why it attacked you?

[Does it have rabies? 8|a Can bugs get rabies?? SIR, HAVE YOU BEEN VACCINATED???]

[scourgingstars]

However am I supposed to know? Is that not what those ones normally look like?

[...he's healthy enough to be annoyed!]

[floatsaway]

[Ah, definitely cranky and new, it seems like. A lovely combination to deal with, woof... Ochako rubs the back of her head and shakes her head.]

Um...w-well, they do show up in your phone thingy? The app with all the information on the Picky Men. [Nope, keep trying.] Those ones are supposed to be purp--ah! Almond-chan!!

[Oh dear, seems during her lack of focus, the Skorupi went in for a hit, grabbing at the poor little Pachirisu with its tail to hold it in place and bite down hard with its fangs. Not only did it score a critical hit, but that Poison Fang...seems to have badly poisoned the little squirrel, who whimpers and huffs.]

video

[missleadingquestions]

[Maya has no problem laughing, herself, even at the plight of a well-spoken stranger.]

What was that about safe travels, now...?

Re: video

[scourgingstars]

Hilarious.

[...he looks a bit of a mess whenever he actually replies, all scratched up and disheveled.]

video

[missleadingquestions]

W-whoa. Looks like you really did end up on the wrong side of... whatever that was.

[At least he's still very dashing??]