Victory Road!

I have very little shame in admitting I know nothing of this most recent holiday, or much of what this realm considers 'normal'.

[Or shame in much else. Sitting outside a cafe in Goldenrod, Ardyn was accompanied by a vaguely slimy Type-Null in a large, comfortable sweater. Because it's cold out.]

But I would like to know just where this came from. [He gestured to the egg in his arms, also nested in a scarf.] Or why no one else seems confused that such things appeared to manifest entirely out of thin air. Even this much is leagues beyond what the gods of my own realm bothered to do for mortals, so I can't quite decide if I'm alarmed or impressed.

I'm certainly not above admitting when I have perhaps made an error in judgment. To underestimate this realm's venerated leaders- [Was that some condescending sarcasm?] -is clearly a basic mistake I shan't be making twice. Truly, failure is the greatest teacher. Particularly since I have little doubt S--Falkner bothers to vary his combat strategies. His sort never do, you know. Too overconfident and stuck-up to assume themselves flawed. [Ardyn rolled yellow eyes in exasperation.] Heavens forbid.

[Hey gang, it's Johto's newest rambling shitpost vlogger. From the look of things, he's wandering about through the tall grass not too far from Violet City today, twirling an umbrella in the hand not holding his Pokegear.]

[Anyone else hear that ominous rustling off-camera?]

All that said, I do believe I've properly adjusted to this realm--considerable adjustment though it may have been. I don't even know when I last saw daylight before all this, never mind everything else. [hunger? fatigue? what is THIS horseshit?] Traveling across the land on foot, at the mercy of the whims of nature and its terrible creatures, there's something very delightfully antiquated about the whole gods-awful experience. Imagine, a world where one could even travel safely at night, should they so wish--

[As if to remind Ardyn of his certainty that he was living in a brightly colored hell, the rustling was suddenly much closer--followed by a streak of red lunging for his head with all the incoherent noises of something very angry, very hungry, or both. With his Pokegear sent flying with a colorful string of curses in a mostly-dead language, the video spent a moment focused upon a blurry patch of grass before cutting out.]

[Travel safely at night, sure. Apparently it was mid-afternoon that was his problem.]

[video]

You were all terribly overdramatic to warn me so much about that delightful little party. Why, I haven't been to such a lively event in ages, I can scarcely wait to do it again.

[That cheerful broadcast came from...somewhere in a tree, the Pokegear perched in such a way to show Ardyn presumably sitting on a branch, a bottle in his hand. One probably hopes it's actually grape juice, for his and everyone else's sake. One is probably wrong.]

But I'm no less convinced this is my own personal hell. [Said with a smile before taking a drink from the bottle in his hand.] This ridiculous state of affairs is enough to drive me mad twice over! How do any of you tolerate this absurd humanity?

[Asking a question both rhetorical and a little weird, Ardyn rolled his eyes.]

No matter, I suppose. It's occurred to me that I forgot myself when last I spoke, and utterly failed to give a proper introduction. [He lifted the half-empty bottle slightly in a casual affectation of a toast.]

You may call me Ardyn. Ardyn Lucis Caelum is my name, and take care not to forget it, if you would.

[action; violet city]

[April 30th fell on a Friday this year, unluckily enough.]

[Unluckily, because the tree Ardyn was in gave him a good view of the city's gym--and of the gym leader himself, a man in blue with short hair in the midst of performing his scheduled falconry exhibition. He'd been hoping to just get a look at the ostensible competition in this city, but...]

[Ardyn knew immediately what the problem was, and just as swiftly decided he didn't care. Through no fault of the leader's own he had decided on sight that he just despised Falkner. And there was only one thing to do about that now that he'd made that conclusion.]

...Rakshasa. [The Zorua curled up on the branch next to him perked up, tail wagging in excitement. Ardyn hopped down from the tree, his partner following to land on his shoulder.] Let's resume training. I think we've a leader to dethrone.

[There were worse ways to spend one's birthday after one had long since stopped counting.]