66th treasure [video]

[captainash]

If someone had told me on my first day in this world that I'd end up celebrating my 50th here, I think I would have died laughing.



So, what's the most lethal joke you know?

Comments

Text;

[schachmeister]

Sorry, I don't really know any jokes, but celebrating such a milestone birthday here isn't that bad, right? I never expected to turn twenty. Now I hope I can turn fifty here like you have.

Oh. Congratulations. I nearly forgot to say that.

Text;

[captainash]

It can be a good thing under certain circumstances, I know. But I was brought here right as I was finally getting the opportunity to go home for a while, so I don't particularly appreciate the delay.

Still, thanks! With any luck, you'll stay here until retirement age.

Text;

[schachmeister]

[Oh right. Some people have good things to look forward to in their own worlds. Totally wild.]

Then I can understand why you'd rather not be here. Though I hope you've found some way of enjoying your time here even despite that.

I can only hope so. Though I wonder... can one die of old age in this world?

Text;

[captainash]

It's plenty enjoyable! But it's also like a vacation that's overstayed its welcome, which is frankly a disconcerting feeling.

Considering that we apparently can't die of anything else, I'm not sure. Haven't heard of anyone getting seriously sick either, so maybe we're immune to that too.

Text;

[schachmeister]

It's an interesting thing to ponder.

On the one hand, it's true that so far, none of us has shown any serious sign of illness. But on the other hand, it's not like our numbers are that great and a lot of us are pretty young, so that isn't the group of people you'd expect to get seriously ill all that often to begin with. And there is lots of good food and medicine available in this world, so even the people that were born here don't seem to get ill all that often compared to my own world, for example.

I guess the problem in determining that is much like determining whether we really cannot die of anything here -- the experiments needed to really determine that once and for all would be far too dangerous.

Text;

[captainash]

Well then, as an official older man, I'll do my duty for the sake of science and keep an eye out for all those nasty little health problems that pop up when your hair starts greying. Of course, if I take after my great-grandpa, we're not getting any useful data for a few decades still.

Look, if half the rumors I've heard are true, someone actually got crushed by rocks in a cave and woke up in the Pokémon Center, which is more than enough to put me firmly in the 'no dying' camp.

Text;

[schachmeister]

I just don't feel comfortable believing that sort of thing based only on rumours, no matter how believable they might sound. Death is rather permanent, after all. Not that I think people are purposely lying about their experiences, just... we don't have all the facts.

text

[neverfinishanyth]

The plague's pretty deadly, so I've heard. But not much of a joke, alas.

text

[captainash]

The plague? Haven't had one of those in a few centuries back home, so I'm sure comedians will start to joke about it any day now.

text

[neverfinishanyth]

I'm sure they've already begun their noble work.

text

[captainash]

The noble yet terrible duty of comedians: having to make everything, even death and disease, sound hilarious.

Well, everything except the war, because that'd get them arrested by the military and that's potentially deadly too.

[neverfinishanyth]

It sounds to me as if that means the military is in need of more jokes, not less.

[captainash]

That's endemic to most militaries, I feel.

Actually, you know what? If I don't have to deal with that for a while still, I can last until my 60th birthday. Or my 70th!

[islandshore]

Me when I turned 25.

But in my defense, I was 15 when I got here. That's... a lot of formative years to spend trapped in a parallel world.

Never been great with jokes, though.

[captainash]

Oh, yeah, that has to be even worse. I got grabbed as a mature adult, with an established career and the like, so that's a solid base to build upon when you're suddenly unmoored. But if I'd shown up at 15, not knowing what I wanted to do with my life? I'd probably have gone mad.

[islandshore]

Yeah. It's... a lot to think about, honestly.

Makes me wonder what'd happen if you went back to your world for a bit after spending a ton of time here. One of those temporary comas people go through, heh.

Still, even at your age, it's gotta be wild spending so much time in a place like this. Especially when most people only average a few years tops.

[captainash]

Physically I don't feel or look too much older, so an adaptation period wouldn't be necessary. Or maybe it would? Maybe the little changes accumulated over the years had an effect I can't really perceive, and I'd have to get used to an older body all over again.

What's even more of a shock is the way our diaspora skews so young. If we don't count anyone that's immortal of extremely long-lived, I'd say the average is in the twenties, and most people are long gone before they'd hit thirty.

[islandshore]

Guess it depends on how many new memories you get, too.

If I were to go back... I'd be hit with huge whiplash, I think. Even if it was just a year's worth of new memories, the 'me' out there would have to reconcile with the me here. I just wonder what that would mean, and if I'd end up aging back to a teenager, too.

I'm... not sure if I'd welcome or resent that. It's tough when you know your friends and loved ones might come back, but they're years behind you. But even if I looked younger again, I'd still be older in my head, so would it really matter?

But yeah. Lot of teens and young adults. Maybe the occasional little kid. Makes you wonder what affects these things. Surprised there aren't more random 10 year olds, if we're being honest.

[captainash]

Having to go through the second half of puberty twice would be hell, especially if you had to deal with two very distinct sets of memories at the same time. One or the other, fine, but both? No way.

And for all you know, the next time your friends show up, they might be twenty. Or forty. So you'd even lose the slight bonus of matching ages and timeline, because their first thought upon arriving would be panic over whether their mortgage would be paid on time.

While I'm well aware that kids and young teenagers can be surprisingly talented and resourceful, I'm very much glad they show up less often. Whoever made Pokémon journeys legal at that age should be forced to pay the therapy bills of all the kids who failed along the way.

[vrdantwind]

Hmm...I don't know if this one works without cultural context, and it's kind of culturally insensitive to boot, but honestly, I still always laugh. It just kind of highlights certain cultural foibles in a way I like.

So four people are climbing a mountain. One is from Brigid, one is from Dagda, one is from Fodlan, and one's from Almyra. All the way up, they argue about which of their countries is the best. They reach the top of the mountain, and they look out at the incredible vista before them.

Fired up from the conversation, caught up in the majesty of the moment and their own patriotic fervor, the Dagdan steps forward. "This is for Dagda!" they cry, and they hurl themselves off the mountain.

Not to be outdone, the person from Brigid steps forward. "Well, this is for Brigid!" they declare, and throw themselves off the mountain as well.

The Almyran draws themselves up, tall and proud. "And this is for Almyra," they declare. And they shove the guy from Fodlan off the mountain.

[captainash]

Even without cultural context, some concepts are universal. Nationalist grandstanding! Rivalries between countries! Seeing the other as suicidally prideful! Taking advantage of the opportunity to shove that guy you hate off a mountain!

It's still terribly insensitive, of course, but it involves far fewer civilian casulties than a similar joke would include in my world, so I'm giving it a pass. What did the poor guy from Fodlan do to deserve it, anyway?

[vrdantwind]

Honestly, nothing much. If anything, Almyra's been dangerously hostile to Fodlan in the past. But there's a lot of cultural tension between the countries - different sensibilities and value systems. Almyrans tend to be very glory-in-combat types, who like to test themselves in battle - sometimes against each other, sometimes against any enemy they can find, whether the enemy particularly wants to fight or not. Fodlan tends to be about chivalry and noble bloodlines and religious repression. A meritocracy versus the divine right of kings. So, naturally, Almyrans think Fodlan is full of spineless cowards, and Fodlan thinks Almyra is full of bloodthirsty barbarians.

You could say the joke highlights both the best and worst in Almyrans - the best in how they can see the meaninglessness of empty posturing and will find the pragmatic path instead, and the worst in their attitude of unprovoked aggression towards others. I've always found it a little insightful, in a strange sort of way. It doesn't work as well, for instance, if you swap Fodlan and Almyra around, because it doesn't fit the people of Fodlan in the same way.

[captainash]

I can see why there would be some major tensions without necessarily going as far as an all-out war, then. Enough for everyone to be content trashtalking each other's country on the way up, while still serving as a murder motive once the opportunity presents itself. Of course, that doesn't help our hypothetical falling man.

But since the choice to push his enemy off the mountain represents both the practicality and the unprovoked aggression of the Almyran man, maybe there's a way to adapt the joke to fit each nationality? Though the final result may not be as amusing.

[vrdantwind]

Oh, there's been all-out war in the past. Mostly on Almyra's part. They almost conquered Fodlan once, and Fodlan was not happy about it. Still isn't, unsurprisingly. I won't say the hostilities aren't rooted in some genuine grievances.

I'm sure there's ways to tailor jokes to any nationality, but I'm not sure if the punchline to this one lends itself to easy amending. The joke basically is either 'causing this death is a public service' or 'the last man standing has the sense to be pragmatic rather than self-sacrificing'. Or, arguably, both. Mind you, if you only read into it as shallowly as the former interpretation, then you could swap the nationalities around any old way, as long as you've got two enemies as the last two men standing. But for a more complex reading, well...that'd require a specific kind of cultural ideology to fit it. I've always liked the Almyran version of that joke precisely because it works on more than one level.

[captainash]

In my world, 'almost conquered' would have meant either immediate genocide or long term genocide in work camps, so mere balanced hostilities is a big step up.

But does it truly represent pragmatism over self-sacrifice? He didn't throw himself off the mountain like the first two, sure, that's smart. However, if his climbing equipment breaks on the way down, there's no one left who can assist him, even grudgingly. And if his victim's family hears about his act, potentially because he turned it into a joke, he has a potential blood feud on his hands. His pragmatism is somewhat self-sabotaging, in a way.