text

[epitaffio]

((OOC: Feel free to opt out of the pink text! Doppio just uses it because he doesn't know what a Homestuck is or why they should be the only ones allowed. :V))

People are telling lies about me on the internet!
I'm in Olivine now and I can't go near the shore without getting asked about Phione and where it is, and when I say I really don't know and I couldn't keep it, they just think I'm lying to protect it!
How do I get them to believe me?

[PLEASE HELP, he can barely get any work done like this. Good thing the Boss never tries to call him when he's dealing with these people...]

Comments

[scourgingstars]

Aren't you the one that so valiantly protected its egg? You mean to tell me the gods are so ungrateful that they don't even visit?

[epitaffio]

Well it's only been a couple of weeks...
Besides, they're not ACTUAL gods, they're Pokémon

[The part where he wasn't even protecting the egg in the first place is... best kept to himself.]

[scourgingstars]

That's a strange way to look at it. In a realm where such is the predominant form of life, does it not stand to reason the gods of that realm would be the same or similar? You may as well call Leviathan a giant snake, at that rate.

I am sorry

[epitaffio]

Who?

don't be this is his life now

[scourgingstars]

Leviathan. The Hydraean, patron goddess of the seas, giant water dragon?

I keep forgetting no one here is from the same planet as I am.

[epitaffio]

Oh, that sounds lonely.

Anyway, if it's a giant dragon, then it's not a giant snake, right?

[talkyourwayout]

Okay, so getting pestered to show people Phione sounds pretty annoying but come on, Doppio! You're like a celebrity right now, you should enjoy it while it lasts.

[epitaffio]

But I don't WANT to be a celebrity!

[talkyourwayout]

Why not? You could swing all kinds of free stuff.

Oh, there could even be endorsements!

[epitaffio]

Uh that's okay, I'm already making enough money.

[And more importantly, he's making money in a way that means it's generally best for his face not to be very known, even if the Rocket uniform DOES include a mask.]

[talkyourwayout]

Doppio, there's no such thing as enough money, especially not when you have a way to get more staring you in the face.

[insidescoop]

You're going to have to fight lies with lies here Doppio, it's pretty much the only thing that works on this kind of crowd.

If they think you're lying to protect it, then turn around and say that telling them where it is defeats the point, and the baby needs to be alone with their mom!

[epitaffio]

That's a good idea!

[It almost sounds like the kind of thing the Boss would have suggested!... It's a shame he's so weirdly reluctant to help with this, for some reason. Maybe he can't find the right timing to call him...?]

[insidescoop]

Of course it is~!

And if it still doesn't work uhhhhh...well, I guess you could use a pokemon battle to chase them off? How's your team?

[epitaffio]

It's probably good enough to fight most people...
Are you sure that wouldn't backfire though?
Everybody makes such a big deal about skilled trainers all the time.

Uh not that I'm THAT good

[insidescoop]

Well, you could always borrow someone from my team if you're that nervous but...where would you put yourself now, then?

[seacub]

If they think you're protecting it, why do they keep asking? Wouldn't someone protecting it...not...tell anyone?

[epitaffio]

You're right, it's STUPID
But it won't stop happening!!

[Some of these people have REALLY been testing his patience...]

[seacub]

I'm surprised it's happening in Olivine...or well, I guess since that's where the ferry is it makes sense.

Do you have a lot to do there?

[epitaffio]

Oh man, do you think that has something to do with it?
I just stuck around because I want to take on the gym, but...

[Were people actually... waiting for him here??]

[seacub]

There's only two docks for the ferry back from the islands right? So....

Text, here's the troll squad

[strings_theory]

loooool

Rest in piss, dude. It ain't gonna stop.

sobs

[epitaffio]

What?

[Rest in... PISS???]

<3 I HAD TO LOOK UP WHEN OKAY BOOMER STARTED, LMFAO

[strings_theory]

Good fucking god, how are you such a boomer.

[epitaffio]

[WHAT IS THIS. DOES HE NEED A DICTIONARY OR IS SHE JUST MESSING WITH HIM]

I'm not sure wha you're talking about?