victory_road

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Alright...I just gotta come right out and ask, cuz I've been here a while now and...

When the hell does the 'this is too friggin weird' wear off?

[Jack's sitting on his couch looking...not exactly tired, but Something.]

It's just I keep thinking it's gonna, cuz I've seen pretty weird shit before I ever came here. I mean weird alien shit, so...I'm not exactly a stranger to the bizarre!

But I swear every month there's something that makes me go 'nope, that shouldn't be possible' and I'm about ninety percent sure my dog laid eggs last night and that's just not right but apparently it is for here.

Seriously, though, am I the only one who's been here this long and still thinks about how insanely strange this whole planet is? How the hell are there people who've fully assimilated?

And oh, yeah, and what the hell do I do with the two fancy poodle pokemon eggs I have now? I...don't really want any more fancy poodle dogs....hell, half the time I don't even know if I want most of the dog things I already have!

It's...it's a lot of dogs, is what I'm saying.

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_{[If he's surprised, he doesn't show it. What he does do is shake his head in something like aw, tutting slightly.]}

Nature finds a way. And I mean. If they're fresh, just make an omelet!

Yeah I'm a civilized guy and civilized guys don't eat other people or pets.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Ohhhhh, so you're a vegan! S'alright, I can respect that!

_{[He does not answer Jack's question.]}

No I just don't eat my pets.

Like any normal person.

That's not a pet, that's a nutritious breakfast!

_{[It is unclear if Beetlejuice has tried and failed to crack a Pokemon egg or not or if he's just fucking with him at this point.]}

Do you know what a dog is?

Do you know what an egg is?

Yeah which is how I know not all eggs are eating eggs.

Again, I'm a civilized guy and not some pantsless barbarian.

_{[BJ shoots Jack a long squint, his whiskery lips pursed up.]}

You know what? That's fair.

_{[He angles his Poke'gear away from himself to show the cluster of Exeggcute sitting on his bed in the middle of a poker game.]}

These are absolutely not eating eggs.

Okay, see! And neither are my dog eggs.

Plus that'd really piss off my dogs.

But now that begs the question where'd that complimentary hotel breakfast I sampled earlier this week come from? I'm gonna have to investigate. Sounds like the details could be grizzly.

I always figured it's the same as back home. Some critters are for eating and some aren't.

Oh, that's easy. You sell them! People don't always want to go out and catch their pokemon, so there's a pretty good market for eggs. Especially if they're born knowing lots of moves already, which they might depending who their parents are.

[Claudia is speaking very authoritatively for someone who only turned fifteen this summer.]

Yeah I see people selling big things of eggs. I've got two. That's not even a discount rack worth of eggs. And I dunno what the hell kind of moves they have, I don't even know exactly who the dad is.

I have a lot of dogs.

So you put them up on Scragslist instead of holding a big egg sale over this network? Either that or you find someone who wants to do a mystery egg trade in the park or something and hope that it works out.

Well that sounds super shady!

This is how I used to buy drugs when I was a teenager.

You bought drugs?

[... try not to sound so aghast, Claudia. You're ruining your cool girl rep.]

Like pretty much any teenager with a crappy life, yeah, I bought drugs.

I mean not very good ones, I didn't know how to find the good stuff.

... were you an addict?

[Yep. Cool girl rep is completely down the drain now.]

....No, I was not an addict. I was a teenager. I did some drugs.

Hell I still do drugs! But now I'm a responsible adult and do it in a responsible adult way.

I'm pretty sure doing drugs and being a responsible adult are opposites of each other. At least that's what they tell us in health class.

[Look, she's from a Scholastic Books canon. There's a reason she's this naive.]

Gonna let ya in on a little secret.

Health class lied to you. I ran one of the biggest departments in one of the biggest companies in the galaxy. That's like the definition of responsible.

... why would they lie about drugs? Isn't there a reason they're illegal?

[No, she's legit confused about that.]

Look, I dunno where or when you come from, but usually stuff like that ends up illegal because it makes it easier for the government to control people. Or because someone's making money off of it. Money makes a whole lotta stuff happen!

But that kind of thing isn't illegal where I come from.

... how would something being illegal help people make money from it?

So, so many ways sweet summer child!

Okay, example number one. Privatized prisons! So you've got prisons being run by corporations, basically. And they get money from the guys running the show for every prisoner they've got in them. So they only support the people who are gonna keep prisons private. And since they want a bunch of money, they also only support the people who are gonna make as much stuff as possible illegal.

Plus if ya make something a lot of people want to do illegal, then you can make enough other people scared of it and get them to give you a bunch of money to go after all the people doing it.

...

[She stares at you.]

Privatized prisons sound awful!

[Yep. That's her takeaway from this.]

Not for the people making money off of'em!

But yeah, for everybody else, it sucks.

I didn't even know those were a thing. I hope they're not in my world.

[Claudia, I have bad news for you...]

Are you sure that drugs don't, well, mess you up and make you commit crimes and stuff? And fail school.

I mean, that's part of why I wouldn't ever use them. I have a hard enough time at school as it is.

Again, I'm a department head for one of the biggest companies in the galaxy, and the worst crimes I've ever committed are inside trading and a little corporate blackmail. Those are like...barely even crimes!

And I didn't go to school, so...don't really think it's that important in the long run.

... really?

[She blinks.]

The way my parents talk, if you want to get any good jobs you have to finish school and probably go to college too.

[Jack is, honestly, quite valid, and this is definitely something to consider on Dimitri's end.]

I always thought it fairly easy to adjust to life here in Johto. Then again, when I arrived, I had the belief that we were all dead, and thus such strangeness and feelings of awe were quite expected. I got over it rather quickly.

[Jack can probably remember Dimitri mentioning that a few times when they first talked over the network.]

But I suppose that does not work quite well as advice.

....How many dogs do you have?

Wow, yeah, no, I'm not dead, I was kinda in the middle of something really important! But I found out here that everything works out cool and we save the moon so whatever, I can chill here awhile.

I dunno, every time I try and count them I swear I find another one. Half a dozen at least. Maybe ten? There's a lot is what I'm saying.

Hm..... If it gets over twenty, that is likely a problem.

[With Jack being able to attract dogs to him so easily, or secretly being a dog hoarder? Listen, Dimitri doesn't know his life, he's not going to make assumptions.]

You said that they are... Fancy poodles? Your latest puppies?

If I end up with twenty, I'm asking my roommate to put me out of my misery.

Yeah, uh...lemme check what they're actually called....Furfrou. I'm pretty sure they're Tswift and Lil' Felix's. I mean they're definitely Tswift's but I dunno who the dad is 100% but I'm guessing it's the dude fancy poodle.

Death apparently does not stick to us here, so you may be out of luck.

[Gotta put up with the inevitable twenty dogs-]

Well, if you have no more space... I suppose I could take one in. I am sure my own hounds would appreciate having another to grow close to.

Don't remind me.

You want one, it's yours. They're pretty neat, the fancy poodle dogs! You do gotta take'em to get groomed pretty regular, though, unless you want to go for the scruffy look.

I will keep that in mind. Although if they have a good amount of fur, that means they will make a fine hound for the cooler months...

[Dimitri knows he can't exactly go hunting like he used to in Faerghus as a youth, but, hey. They can still go for a nice run, do a bit of battling.]

Is there anything I should know about their parentage that makes them a bit unusual from the average one?

Nah, the folks aren't anything special, just your average fancy poodle pokemon.

I mean Tswift loves wearing hats but I don't think that's what you're asking about!

Oh, no, although I will keep the hats in mind! But it is good to know that I will not be surprised by a poodle suddenly, say, breathing out fire.

[Or starting up an ice storm. You know. Like his rat can do.]

I can 100% guarantee my poodles don't breathe fire! They chew shit, though. Like. A lot.

Be careful with unattended shoes, is what I'm saying.

Cuz I've had to replace a bunch of shoes.

My own Raticate and Rattata often do the same... Usually I help them manage the urge by chewing on rocks and trees just outside of town, or along the beach.

[...]

I imagine one would not make a poodle chew rocks.

[A wry smile crosses Riku's face, and he fights back a chuckle.]

If it makes you feel any better, I've been here over ten years, and I still find things weird. I just expect it these days. Once nothing's off the table, you don't get blindsided as much.

Holy shitballs, ten years? How the hell do ya stand it? That's a whole friggin decade! That's longer than it apparently takes me to become king of space!

[Or whatever, Tim's explanation hadn't been the most thorough.]

Just... kinda rolled with it. Before I came here, I always wanted to see other worlds and have real adventures. Then I got it.

[He heaves a small, almost wistful sigh.]

It's had its ups and downs. Honestly, the part that throws me off is the fact that I was a teen when I got here. Now I'm in my mid 20's. Just... Man. A lot of formative years spent in this world while people come and go.

Seems like a monkey paw kinda deal if ya ask me.

And it's not even your world, and you didn't have a choice about coming here. From where I'm sitting that sounds like it sucks.

Yeah, definite mixed bag. Especially when I heard about my future- all the adventures I'd have in other worlds that I still haven't lived through.

[Pausing, Riku pinches the bridge of his nose.]

Crazy part is... it's hard to imagine going back to being a teenager just to live those memories. But I know that if I ever go, that's what'll happen.

A whole decade just gone. Think that's where the short term trainers have the advantage.

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