[text]

[harlequinhater]

hey guys! john here.
man i guess it's been a while since i last checked in on the pokegear all publicly like this.
i guess i have just been really busy being an awesome trainer and winning gym badges.
anyways does anyone know if there's a store that specializes in pokemon-proof clothes? 
like, fireproof stuff to help with angry fire types.
or something that can save me from being impaled by toxic nidorino spikes. that specifically.
if there is no such business, does anybody who knows how to make clothes want to go into business with me?
i bet we could make a lot of money that way.
i would get 50% profits for the idea obviously.

[A few minutes later, there's an addition:]

oh and if anybody has tips for the cianwood gym let me know!
im training up my awesome team of super cool pokemon to fight it next.
i want to know what im going to be up against.

[About thirty minutes after that, there's one last thing:]

also, has anybody else been getting pies sent to them?
is that a thing in the pokemon world?
because i definitely did not order these.

Comments

Text

[harlequinhater]

i don't know if we do.
i am sure it can't be too hard to find ice cream, though.
anyways where are you so i can drop these pies off?

Text

[callbacks]

outside absorbing the last rays of sun before the white witch plunges this world into a hundred years of misery

Text

[harlequinhater]

outside is very general, dave.
where outside?
anyways, i am kind of looking forward to winter!
i haven't seen snow since all of it melted off of jade's planet.
i kind of miss it?

Text

[callbacks]

your opinion is wrong and so are you

also im outside the pkcenter awaiting these pies before im arrested for loitering

Text

[harlequinhater]

uh, no, YOU'RE wrong!
i think you just know you will lose to me in a snowball fight.
which we are definitely going to have btw.

anyways let me pack these pies up and i'll go and find you.

Text

[callbacks]

UGH snow is for lame babies who get poopy diapers from santa
snow sucks winter sucks im moving to pokehawaii

[harlequinhater]

no way! you're just weak!
snow is awesome!
you can sled on it and make snow men and pelt your friends with snow balls.
you just have to bundle up properly.

also does pokehawaii even exist?
what am i saying, it probably does.

[callbacks]

well good luck with your dumb winter sports for assholes because the second the thermometer hits forty im getting in the bunker bro
sayonara

[harlequinhater]

i will just have to drag you out of your bunker!
we are having at LEAST one winter fun day in the snow and you are going to enjoy it.

[callbacks]

yeah im going to enjoy kicking your ASS if you so much as breathe the word snow near me you hornses fart cushion
bring it blue boy
i have five badges and a ged in wrecking your shit

- > action

[harlequinhater]

[John has been walking towards the Pokécenter with his pies stacked on top of each other as he's been text-arguing with Dave, which means he gets to test Dave's threat out immediately. A grin crosses his face and he pockets his Pokégear, ready to strike.

He spots his friend from a distance and then rounds around the Center, tip-toeing carefully up from behind. Once he's within earshot, he just says one word:]

Snow.

[callbacks]

...

[Dave turns

very




slowly





and then pushes the pies right up into John's face, FUCK YOU!!!]

[harlequinhater]

WAUGH!

[John isn't sure what he was expecting to happen, but blueberry pie shoved in his face most definitely was not it. Honestly, uncalled for!

John tosses the blueberry pie aside and uses the pumpkin pie - a bit squished, but still mostly in tact - to pie Dave in the face. It's only fair!]

[callbacks]

Shit--!

[PIE'D. Dave only has time to stumble back and sweep his shades up and out of harm's way, because #priorities. He wipes at his face and sets his stance, but then glances down at the last one.]

...Is that the pecan one.

[harlequinhater]

[John looks down at it too, even if it's a little hard to make out through all of the blueberry goop on his glasses.]

Yeah. I think so.

[He considers throwing it at Dave, before Dave can do the same to him... but he decides against it. Instead, he turns it over and lets it drop on the ground, bottom-up. There. Now they're even in their level of pie coverage.]

[callbacks]

[Dave nods solemnly. That's all a pecan pie's really worth, TBH. He'll pour one out in spirit. In the meantime, he brushes more crust off his face and then licks some filling curiously off the back of his hand.]

...Is that what pumpkin pie actually tastes like? Man, talk about disappointment.

[harlequinhater]

I guess so. I've never tried it.

[And he doesn't exactly plan to, especially now that it's all over Dave's face.]

Maybe it's better with whipped cream?