Third Glow [Lovers’ Duel to the Death Mingle Vlog???]

[heartofalioness]

[So… it’s the dawn after this post. (Which, given this is a June dawn, is probably ungodly early for most of the people watching this. Usually, Allura is more considerate about timing her broadcasts, but really, this is revenge.) At least it’s a lovely view of the Olivine beach at sunrise behind Allura, face very serious, almost steely.]

Some of you may be aware of the heinous sin committed by one Keith Kogane upon my person yesterday. According to the ancient laws of Altea, such a breach of privacy upon the crown princess has only one recourse: single combat, to the death.

[And on THAT charming note, Allura steps away from the Gear left in the paws of a surprising steady Pikachu, Keith and Allura armed with artisanal quarterstaves supplied by your friendly beachside woodworking shop, the sun rising over the ocean and the waves setting up quite a lovely morning for a fight.

(Really, though, this is just the two of them trying to prank back all the people who teased them on Keith’s post. And maybe blow off some steam, it’s been too long since they’ve sparred without their Pokémon. And the Gear is left on speaker just for this, so feel free to beg for mercy, cheer, chat with each other, place bets, whatever.)]

Comments

Closed to Keith

[heartofalioness]

[It’s only when Allura finally walks away and squares up against Keith that she allows herself to grin, which might have a slightly demented effect because it had taken all her willpower to not bust out laughing making that little speech. The Voltron Show’s acting lessons seem to have come in handy.]

Ready, Keith?

[tempredmental]

Yeah... [He huffed a small sigh, playing along. Staves weren't his first choice of weapon, but these weren't even really staves, they were converted walking sticks for Hiker Trainers... But, still, it worked for what they were going for.] Since apparently groveling wasn't enough.

[Thanks, Yuzu.]

[heartofalioness]

[A raise and lowering of the staff, not unlike saluting for a fencing duel... and then Allura rushes forward, seeming to charge straight ahead before veering to the right to try and strike his left side.]

video;

[singlespacedad]

You're going to need better weapons if it's to the death.

[Just pointing that out, you know, like this is a totally normal reaction and not at all suspect.]

[heartofalioness]

[Allura speaks out in between swings and dodges.]

Yes, well... this was short notice! And apparently the citizens of this reality become nervous when you ask for metal weapons!

[Really, it was a miracle they managed to find that artisan shop right before closing.]

[singlespacedad]

That's true.

[Probably for this very reason!]

It looks like you have things under control, but if you need a second, just let me know.

video

[noamuth]

[Shrug. Also a little too casually -] I've seen my sister beat a male to death with less.

video

[singlespacedad]

Oh?

[Please tell him more!]

What weapon did she use?

[insidegalra]

[Thace raises an eyebrow, as if wondering how someone could assume a staff weapon was non-lethal.]

A staff is quite efficient as a deadly weapon. Not much force is needed, for example, to the face in order to shatter the nasal, ethmoid, and sphenoid bones and shove them into the brain. It's merely a matter of the right angle. Likewise, a well-aimed blow to the cervical vertebrae will sever the spinal cord and lead to death fairly quickly without medical intervention. A blow to the throat can crush the trachea, larynx and hyoid bone. Done correctly it will cause asphyxiation.

It would take at least three hits, but the ribs can be broken and then caused to pierce the lungs, causing internal bleeding and eventual drowning. Enough force applied to other organs, such as the spleen or kidneys can cause internal bleeding enough that death is assured without intervention. Of course in these cases, it would be merciful to use one of the previously mentioned blows for a quicker death.

And well, enough repeated blows to the skull can fracture it, leading to brain bleeds, swelling, and eventual death too. And all of this is not even considering all the bone and muscle trauma that can be caused by blunt force to the rest of the body.

[Thace discusses this with all the calm authority of someone who's very familiar with how to kill in every situation with weapons, without, or just with what's on hand.]

[singlespacedad]

[You know what, those are all very good points. Mando is nodding along with them as Thace goes through his list.]

You're right. I'm used to fighting with armour on.

[See, like the armour he's wearing right now? That Emet made for him? That's basically beskar?]

That tends to change things.

voice

[wrappedwarm]

...Is it really important? [A pause] I don't want you two to die, I like you...

[nooo friends murdering friends]

Text, Private

[heartofalioness]

[Well quiznak. She did not think this through. So Allura won't respond right away, because charade to keep up, but afterward the fight where they both manage to live, Mikasa will get a text to her gear.]

I'm sorry if we scared you, Mikasa. Keith and I were playing a practical joke on some other people; we would NEVER want to really hurt each other. Are you all right?

[crystalmaster]

[Radley's initial reaction is basically What the HELL ... but it doesn't take him long to mull over things and decide it's some kind of cheeky gag. He won't spoil it for them.]

Oh really. Let us know who wins.

[Evie pops up in confusion. "Vee?!"

Radley just pets her, calmly.]

[heartofalioness]

[Welp, hopefully they'll enjoy the show at least.]

[spacebaloney]

KICK HIS ASS, ALLURA!

[He's just here--popcorn in hand--to see Allura yeet Keith much like she threw him many a time.]

[heartofalioness]

[Bless Hunk and his road popcorn, Allura can't help a little smirk as she parries another of Keith's attacks.]

[ironchef]

[Hunk leans into the background at one point and whispers just loud enough for people he doesn't intend to hear him to actually hear him.]

She's not actually serious, is she? Did Coran mention this?

[Because Alteans are weird and this could be a thing. He can't be sure.]

video;

[shiro2hero]

You... can't be serious.

[heartofalioness]

Oh yes, we're quite serious, Shiro! Deadly serious!

[Wink wink nudge nudge.]

[dejabrewed]

I suppose the need for senseless violence is a common trend for all mortals, isn't it?

[ though seeing those wooden weapons brings up a question. ]

Where did you get those weapons, however?

[heartofalioness]

The Driftwood Chest! It's a shop in Olivine City, they do beautiful woodworking!

[Technically these quarterstaves are supposed to be large walking sticks for Hikers, but they're perfectly suited for staffwork too.]

[for once, very public. video]

[insidegalra]

Your highness, I am extremely disappointed. You should know very well that for any duel involving a Blade of Marmora to be properly sanctioned, at least one sibling Blade needs to be present to act as witness and second if necessary.

[Thace does look as disappointed as he says he is. Sounds it too, even if he is just mostly bullshitting. (Mostly because ritual duels are a thing in Galra history. Just... a lot more involved, and not warranted in this case.)]

[heartofalioness]

[Ah, shoot. She can't tell if that's Thace's dry sense of humor or if he's serious, and she can't really ASK without breaking character.]

Ah, in that case... you should come to Olivine! [After all, Thace has been here long enough to access the warp pads?] Yes, apologies, Thace, but if you want to make this official, you should absolutely come to Olivine!

[papacerberus]

[Have a man who's just utterly befuddled by all of this. His ears aren't pointy, but normally human eyes and hair do not come in such bright (matching) red shades.]

This does not correspond to what I have been told about this place. Do the laws of Altea have jurisdiction here? If so, what are they?

[There's another moment where it's clear that he's scrolling through something on the screen, brow furrowing more.]

A 'girlfriend' is a word for a specific comrade, yes? If so, why should one's comrade's presence during bathing be counted a sin? I understand not wishing strangers to be present during a vulnerable moment but comrades can be trusted to protect and assist with things like bathing.

[He might as well be asking 'what's a nudity taboo?' because if the nearly bare (aside from a half-vest and some necklaces) torso means anything, it's probably that his is barely existent.]

[heartofalioness]

It's complicated! [It's not complicated at all, it's just a prank.] One of us will explain later!

[Or someone can pipe in and tell him that people literally can't die in this world.]