victory_road | [text | action for housemates]

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[text | action for housemates]

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[Another year in Johto a month ago...and now, another birthday. Which is a strange thing to think about. Up until a few years ago, he hadn't even known the date of his own birth, hadn't even thought to wonder what it was. Back in Amestris, a homunculus' birth isn't something that anybody really wants to remember or celebrate, after all. But here? People have found it out, wheedled it out of him...people have remembered it, asked after it, thought that the fact that Envy was born was something important.]

[And for two years now, he's awkwardly accepted the couple of gifts and the well wishes he's gotten, but it had still felt strange to even acknowledge. But now, the third year he's known about the day...it feels a little more natural. He actually remembers what day it is without being reminded, and if any of his patched together little family brings it up, or does something for the occasion?]

[Well, maybe this year he'll react a little less like a cat who's just encountered a vacuum cleaner for the first time.]

[Text]

Hey, I've got a question for anyone who feels like answering. When you do things for somebody's birthday, what is it that you're celebrating about them? Is it that they managed to survive an extra year or that they were born in the first place or just because parties are fun or what?

What is it about a birthday that makes it something important?

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[Envy leans his head back and YELLS.]

Heather! That's gross!

[Licking is only hot if they're ALREADY DOING HOT THINGS. WHICH IS NOT RIGHT NOW. EW.]

_{[Her response is to CACKLE LIKE A WITCH.]}

That's what you get for tryin' to pull a fast one on me!

_{[BUT SHE RELENTS, giving him one last squeeze and then setting him back down two inches to the floor.]}

Happy birthday, loser.

[He snorts as he's set down, making a show of indignantly turning up his nose and brushing off the licked spot on his arm.]

Hey, you can't call me a loser on my birthday! I'm pretty sure there's gotta be some kind of rule about that.

[But he cracks open one eye to look back at her, a pleased little quirk at the corner of his mouth in spite of the show.]

But the happy birthday part I'll accept.

I'm your girlfriend. I get to call you whatever I want.

Which includes the gross stuff, so be glad I went with 'loser'.

_{[Because it could have been 'punkin' or 'booty ninja' something equally vomitous.]

[But INSTEAD she bends down to pick up what she had CLEVERLY set down on the floor before she launched her Birthday Pickup. IT'S A BOX wrapped in shiny paper, with a green stick-on bow.]}

Here.

For you.

[Envy's nose wrinkles in instinctive disgust, because he knows EXACTLY what kind of gross stuff she's talking about.]

Okay, on second thought, loser is fine. I can work with loser.

[And then he is completely distracted from his pretend sulk by the appearance of a gift. Honestly, even after six years of Christmases and two of birthdays, gifts are still something halfway to awe-inspiring for him to get. Every time. Sometimes even the terrible gag gifts. There's a reason he still has the last remaining intact fruit ornament she gave him as a stupid joke back on that first Christmas.]

[So while he puts on an exaggerated surprised face and holds one hand up to his chest, with a gasp of:] For me? [when he actually starts opening it he can't hide the much more genuine grin of eager anticipation as the wrapping comes off.]

_{[Protect the last remaining fruit ornament at all costs.]

[Heather just grins, leaning on the doorframe as the wrapping comes off-- it's a shirt! Neatly folded in the box With a smug cartoon Sneasel and the word TROUBLEMAKER on it.]}

Not too exciting, I know, but you know I gotta save the big guns for Christmas.

[Envy's grin gets even wider the moment he sees the logo on that shirt, he is thrilled.]

Ha! It's like it was made for me!

[He balances the box in one arm so that he can pull the shirt out of it and get a better look. He even turns it around, holding it up to his chest to both show it off to her and look down at it.]

You know me too well, you know I'm terrible.

_{[When the shirt goes over well, Heather grins!]}

I saw it in the department store window, and well, it was just destiny.

_{[--but what's THIS? Previously hidden in the folds of the shirt, a smaller box tumbles out and clatters onto the floor.]

[It has the words 'Silver Fox' in classy, peeling letters, along with an older gentleman looking confident, next to a "shiny" Ninetales that is really obviously a normal Ninetales photoshopped to be gray. Under them, in smaller lettering, is "Ladies love a man who's not afraid to look experienced! 100% satisfaction guaranteed or your money back!"]

[It's hair dye for old people.]

[Heather grins wider.]}

Oh, shoot, how'd that get in there!

Edited 2016-11-21 04:54 (UTC)

[Envy looks curiously down at the fallen box at first, not realizing what it is. At least, not until he bends down to pick it up and actually look at it.]

[GOD DAMN IT HEATHER. He should have known there would be something joke-y in there.]

[BUT BAD OLD PEOPLE HAIR DYE?? HOW COULD SHE??? She gets a hilariously indignant face for her efforts, which is undoubtedly just what she was after.]

I know exactly how it got in there!

[IT WAS HER. SHE DID IT. HE KNOWS. HUFF.]

_{[She doesn't even bother trying not to laugh.]

[She's also pulling her 'Gear out.]

[This is now the second time today that Envy has had his picture taken after being given gag gifts.]}

[Envy groans, lifting a hand to cover his face too late.]

Again...what is it with you all and taking pictures?

[YOU ALL SUCK HE'S MOVING OUT.]

Haha, what, it's already happened?

Must be because your faces are so photogenic!

_{[Even with his hand covering his face, she's goin' in for a cheek kiss.]}

C'mere, you silver fox.

[His nose wrinkles up and he lets out another dismayed groan as she moves in, because he's STILL SULKING, GOSH HEATHER.]

[He even very lightly bats at her shoulder with one hand.]

[But he can't stay completely mad at her, so after a second or two he snorts and lifts his hand from his face to muss at her hair without moving away from the kiss--an affectionately exasperated gesture that he definitely learned from her.]

I may be terrible, but you're just as awful, you know that? The worst.

You'll need a matching shirt.

_{[He sure did pick that up from her-- and she thinks it's adorable.]

[Of course, she draws back with a devilish grin.]}

Way ahead of you, babe.

_{[And then, Clark Kent-style, she pulls open her coat to reveal... a shirt of similar make (obviously from the same line), featuring a Houndour and the words BAD 2 THE BONE.]}

[And she gets to watch him go directly from the lingering remains of the Sulk to straight up delighted in about two seconds.]

Ha! It's perfect!

Hang on, you're already wearing it, I'm behind--

[In what's probably not a terribly uncommon thing to happen, actually, Envy just goes ahead and pulls his shirt up over his head, hanging it off the nearest chair back for the moment while he tugs his Brand New Birthday Shirt on.]

_{[Honestly, the fact that he didn't just fling his shirt off IMMEDIATELY to replace it with the new one is probably more surprising than the fact that he's doing it now.]

[NONE OF THE HOMUNCULI HAVE EVER HAD MUCH DISCRETION.]

[Heather just laughs, and holds the 'Gear outwards for a selfie.]}

Get in the shot, we're cute as the dickens. Pokemon Snapchat's gonna go wild.

[If it hadn't been for the distraction of the joke gift, his old shirt would probably have already been long gone by now.]

[Either way, he scoots right on up to her to get in the picture, putting an arm around her shoulders and being sure to angle himself so that the shirt's visible.]

Hell yeah we are, there's nobody out there who could beat us.

Everyone's gonna be so jealous.

_{[The 'Gear whirs and snaps the shot-- Heather hadn't been able to resist the opportunity to throw up the horns with her free hand.]}

Well, if they wanna get them for themselves, they're on sale at the department store, but they'll never pull them off as well, so the point's moot.

Oh, they wouldn't stand a chance.

[Once the picture's done with, instead of letting go right away he turns his head to give her a peck on the cheek, pulling back just enough afterwards so she can see him tilt his head and grin lopsidedly at her.]

And jokes about hair dye aside...thanks. For this.

Edited 2016-11-27 23:31 (UTC)

_{[Grinning right back, she slides her arm around his waist in a loose hug.]}

Hey, don't even mention it.

... Gramps.

_{[SHE COULDN'T RESIST.]}

You just have to go and ruin the moment, don't you?

[He punctuates it by bopping her nose with his finger, but he's laughing as he says it.]

Should I start calling you whippersnapper and yelling for you to get off my lawn or what?

_{[As much as she makes a show of leaning back and wrinkling her nose, GOSH DARN DOES SHE LOVE IT WHEN HE DISPLAYS STUPID AFFECTIONATE GESTURES that he absolutely picked up from her or some other human friend, because like hell did he learn that anywhere else.]}

What?

Whippersnapper?

Ugh, I'm shipping you off to the nursing home.

Oh, you know I'd have broken out within the hour, I'm much too spry to be contained.

[He lets out the snide old man snicker that he'd perfected specifically for Lust's radio play.]

Yeah, break out to mack on more people who aren't even a quarter of your age!

_{[She manages, despite grinning as hard as ever, to sound scandalized as she says it.]

[sorry al they're still making fun of you like three months later]}

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