victory_road

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jimmy darling (american horror story)

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[It's that time of year again. And with no outside help, Jimmy's gotta try and scare himself up a Valentine all on his own.]

Hey! So. Valentine's Day.

Any ladies out there lonely and looking for a date tonight? 'Cause I've got an open dance card and I can treat you to a real great night. I'm in Goldenrod, but I can travel anywhere in Johto. I'm in my twenties, got a job, got my own house.... I'm a catch! And I'm just kicking around my big empty house all alone.

Be my Valentine?

[Maybe this year will be the year...]

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ANYONE CAN GO ON A DATE, NOT JUST LADIES! IT'S MORE FUN THAT WAY, I THINK!

Oh, well, yeah. But I only wanna go on dates with girls. I'm not really into other guys like that.

LIKE WHAT? [Because dates are for everyone?]

Like to date. I date women.

BUT WHY JUST WOMEN? WOULDN'T IT BE MORE FUN TO DATE EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO DATE?

It'd be pretty cool if that's how it worked for humans... but for us, dating means something really specific. We date somebody we want to be more than friends with, somebody we want to be romantic with.

And for humans where I come from, we don't all just want to get romantic with everybody. Some people only want to get romantic with the opposite sex, some with the same sex, and some dig both.

I just want to be romantic with women. So I only wanna date women. That's what I like romantically.

It'd probably be easier for me to get a date if I was into other guys, though.

[Give him a minute.]

YOU CAN DATE SPECIFICALLY FOR ROMANCE???????????

That's...that's the point of dating. Otherwise it's just hanging out or doing something together. For most humans, you only date somebody you want to be in a romantic relationship with.

That's what dating is. Finding out if you like being a couple.

WOWIE.....I NEVER KNEW!

Have you found a date yet?

_{[Wrath remembers last year, when he learned How to Flirt.]

[He no longer thinks that 'date' is just a kind of fruit. He does, however, have a bag of them, ready to share, if Jimmy has not found a lady friend.]}

Nope. Guess I'm shit outta luck this year, huh?

Where's all the single girls at?

_{[Wrath shrugs expressively.]}

I don't think I know any.

_{[He's been able to glean that neither Lust nor Envy's blond human are 'single', as limited a grasp as he has of that particular abstract social concept.]}

Nobody does!

I ain't had a dry spell like this since....uh....

Shit. Never. I mean, unless you wanna count before I started....dating.

Really?

_{[It seems incomprehensible to Wrath that his best bud Jimmy would be having such a hard time finding a lady friend. After all, he seemed to make regular friends just fine!]}

But you're such a cool cat!

Really! Hell, back home I had like four girlfriends! Uh, not that that's something a guy oughtta brag about, that's not too cool. But I ain't never had trouble with the ladies before!

The coolest, daddy-o!

_{[UH OH, TOO LATE! Wrath tilts his head. His understanding of the concept of 'romance' is INCREDIBLY incomplete, but he has grasped that you're only supposed to do it with one other person. This is the first time he's heard of people having multiples.]}

If you had four, why do they have to be single first?

Couldn't you share?

Yeah, like I said, it's not something to brag about. See, uh...I wasn't being a gentleman. I shouldn't have been running around with so many girls at the same time, but...I was really pissed off at my girlfriend and...and there was this other girl and these twin sisters...

...the sisters were cool with sharing. They kinda had to be, though. And I kinda led them on...maybe...it's kinda hazy, I was having problems with booze. And the other two...not so much digging the sharing.

But I mean it, Wrath, it ain't an okay thing to run around on your girl.

_{[Thank god it's the semiferal abomination he's talking to and not a child who would have any idea what's really being said. Despite the questionable cards he'd obliviously played during that Pokemon Cards Against Humanity game at the Rocket HQ last week, Wrath really has no idea what the implications of Jimmy's poly-amorous adventures are.]

[Because you know what? Running around outside with a bunch of people at once sounds great!]

[He continues to tilt his head, until Jimmy's well-meaning but misguided life lesson delivery comes to an end.]

[Then, after thoughtfully ruminating on it a bit, he speaks his piece.]}

Well, I do like to run around.

But I guess I'll make sure not to go too fast if I am friends with a girl who can't keep up.

Unless we're playing tag, in which case I play to win.

Oh, uh, I meant...

Okay. So, a girlfriend isn't just a friend that's a girl. A girlfriend is a girl you like in a different way than you like your other friends. You go on dates and do special stuff together. When a guy and a girl decide to be boyfriend and girlfriend, that means they're agreeing that there's certain stuff they'll only do with each other. And 'running around on a girlfriend' means...well...cheating on her. Doing that stuff you promised to do just with her with other girls.

And that ain't okay.

[Jimmy has no idea if he's Wrath-ified that explanation enough, but it's not like he needs to grasp the complexities of romantic relationships.]

Yeah, that's pretty good advice. If you're playing tag, play to win.

Well, yes, I know about that.

But as long as you only give the winged insect to one girl, playing with others is okay, right? I already know cheating at games is bad.

_{[... Not that it stops him from doing it when he can get away with it, but HEY]}

....Okay, yeah. [This works, Jimmy can put it on Wrath's level now.]

So what I was doing? That was like giving a bug to four different girls! At the same time! I was cheating at girls. I shouldna done it, and I ain't proud of it, and I ain't gonna do it again.

_{[He's getting the hang of it!]

[Wrath seems to consider this.]}

... I think I understand.

_{[Who knew winged insects were SUCH a valued commodity to humans! :T]}

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