victory_road | video; A Blitz Kirschtein Production

[The communicator comes on with an audible zap. It’s obvious why a moment later, when a very cranky, very round face peers down into the screen. It’s Blitz the Electrode, terror to all who know him, looking exceptionally disgruntled, even for him. He makes some annoyed crackling sounds, and someone moans off screen.]

Go chase wild Pokemon if you need something to do, just stop making noise…

[Blitz rolls his eyes at the camera, then ducks down to pick up the communicator in his mouth. The image jars around a bit as the Electrode moves it, showing, amongst other things: a startled Torracat face; a pair of sneakers discarded under a bed; a backpack that has very clearly been dug through by some greedy Pokemon looking for treats. It finally settles on a bed, with its blankets all tossed and crumpled. The bed’s inhabitant isn’t visible, except for a shock of tangled, ashy blond hair, and one long, skinny arm sticking out from under the covers.]

[Blitz crackles again, and the blankets shift.]

I said go away!

[The blankets move, and Jean peers out from underneath them. His hair is standing up in all directions, his eyes are so puffy they’re almost swollen shut, and his nose is bright red and dripping.]
 The hell do you…

[His voice trails off and his eyes widen, as much as they’re able, when he sees what Blitz has.]

Blitz, no! That better not be recording, I swear to…

[Jean reaches for the communicator, and Blitz makes a smug sound as he rolls backwards, out of reach.]

Jean?

[Another voice, this one equally weak and clogged up.]

Jean, what’s going on?

[Jean shoots a wild-eyed look over his shoulder, and Blitz helpfully hops up to show there’s another bed in the room, similarly inhabited by another teenager and a curled up Arcanine.]

Nothing! Nothing’s going on!

[Jean turns back to Blitz, and there’s pure murder on his face now.]

You give me that communicator, you fat ball of plastic, or I swear to the gods…

[OOC: Sharing is caring and Bertolt gave his plague cold to Jean, so answers could come from Jean or Bertolt or both! ~~or even Blitz, if anyone wants to talk to him~~]

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... Whoa.

_{[OKAY SHE'S NOT GOING TO LAUGH, HE LOOKS MISERABLE. But also really funny. Poor guy.]}

You're not lookin' so good there, bud.

Heather!

[Oh, thank the gods, save poor Jean from his terrible doucheball.]

Tell Blitz to give me my communicator back!

[Maybe he'll listen to her?]

I can try, but I don't think a voice coming out of the 'Gear speaker will carry much authority.

_{[She clears her throat.]}

Bli-iiiitz. Hey.

Who's a good little deathball?

[Now this is a novel approach! Everyone has been shouting and getting upset with him today, and while Blitz has been reveling and enjoying the chaos he's caused, he perks up at the friendly, complimentary voice. Who's a good deathball? Him, obviously! He is the best deathball!]

[He pauses in his rolling around, and crackles encouragingly. Go on, tell him more about himself and how great he is.]

_{[Hey, she's learned a trick or two in her time here. Sometimes you really do get more flies with honey. ... Or, more sentient animate bombs.]}

THERE'S the good boy!

Look at you, you don't even have hands and you can still work that thing better than most trainers can.

_{[Gotta layer on the compliments before making the requests, don't you know.]}

[Ah yes, this is much better! This is a trainer who gets it!]

[Even if she is the one that encouraged Dumb Narrow to catch that stupid fish and then bore Blitz to tears training the dumb thing until it turned into a dragon. Don't think Blitz has forgotten that transgression, lady! But he's willing to look past it if she'll continue to compliment him.]

I still need you to turn it on for me and everything.

[Jean is picking up on Heather's gambit and goes along with it. He knows about the communicator's on/off switch by now, but he still tends to let Blitz do it for him. It's better than getting into arguments about it.]

_{[Good, clearly this is a good way to gain the ball's attention.]}

Yeah, right?

What a dingdong.

But hey, look, if you're the only one filming, that means I'm just stuck looking at this guy forever.

How are we supposed to get you into the picture, huh?

_{[Obviously unless Blitz gives up the 'Gear, he'll never be able to show off on-camera. And that would just be SO tragic.]}

[Jean should have thought of this himself; he knows damn well that Blitz loves it when he's praised.]

Yeah, she doesn't want to keep looking at me. How's she supposed to admire you when you've got the gear?

[And no arms or hands to take a selfie?]

[This is obviously something Blitz hadn't considered, but he's not a complete fool. He makes a snapping noise, and Polo the Torracat lifts his head from where he's resting on the bed. He looks at Blitz with half-lidded eyes before shaking his head and going back to sleep. No help from that quarter.]

Oh come on! You know Polo would take shaky pictures!

Like a cat would be interested in taking photos of other Pokemon anyway.

C'mon, pleeease?

I wanna see my FAVORITE explodey deathball.

[This is quite the dilemma! How is Blitz supposed to give his adoring fans what they want when he's holding the communicator? After some more crackling to himself, Blitz rolls out from under the bed and relinquishes the communicator. Jean takes it with all due solemnity, before turning it around so Heather can, in fact, see Blitz.]

All right, show her what you've got.

[For something without arms and legs, Blitz is surprisingly good at posing.]

_{[INTENSE SUSPENSE IN THE BLITZ THE VOLTORB FANDOM]

[When he finally gives up the 'Gear, Heather rewards him with enthusiastic applause from the other end. ... And a rowdy whoop, because she's Heather.]}

WHOOOO!

Damn, that form though!

Go on, Blitz, do a spin for your fans!

[Blitz is only too happy to oblige, spinning and strutting his stuff like no one has ever seen a Voltorb strut it before, and Jean goes along with Heather, cheering and whooping as best he can with his sore throat.]

Yeah, that's it! That's my Voltorb!

[Electrode, technically, but whatever. Blitz is still all too happy to pose and flex for his adoring audience of two.]

_{[If anyone had asked Heather whether she thought she'd live to see a vain Electrode of all things, she'd probably have said 'no'. But well, here they are.]}

Beautiful!

Bravo!

You, sir, are one heck of a ball.

_{[You can KIND of hear in her voice that she's trying not to laugh, but she's doing a pretty convincing job. Besides, she doesn't even have to fake the delight. This entire conversation has made the world a better place.]}

[Blitz is many things, but above all else, he's very fond of himself. As proved by the way he's now bouncing around the room, showing off how well he can roll and get up high by bouncing on other things. Polo the Torracat is now interested and decides to get in on the fun, chasing after him and swatting at the Electrode.]

Oh yeah, look at that! Show us what you've got, guys!

[Any other Pokemon would get zapped halfway into next week for interrupting The Blitz Show, but Polo is a beloved son and Blitz accepts his antics. While they frolic around the room, Jean lowers his voice so only Heather can hear.]

Thanks. They're having a great time.

[And what do you know, he feels a little better himself.]

_{[Still laughing, she lowers her own voice in return.]}

Hey, no problem.

Be here as long as I have, and you wind up with at least a few tricks at Pokemon wrangling.

_{[It's all about redirection.]

[... BUT NOW IT'S TIME TO FUSS AT SICKBOY.]}

... How're you doing. Staying hydrated?

[Jean keeps the camera trained on the pirouetting Pokemon.]

Yeah, I'm okay. I've been better, but this won't kill me.

[Or so he hopes. If he dies, someone else is going to have to take Blitz, and Jean knows damn well no one is willing to do that.]

We've been drinking lots of tea and honey.

Good dude.

Do the chicken soup thing, too.

Scientifically proven to make you feel better.

video; A Blitz Kirschtein Production

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