victory_road | 001 ♟ audio/video

[There's no video for this broadcast, just audio. Well. There's background noise, anyway, for a few seconds. Then someone awkwardly clears his throat.]

Um, is this... working? [Huh, funny. Isn't that voice familiar? The tone's a little off, but the sound of it's definitely the same as that Jack guy, right?] How... How do I know if it's...

Oh! Wait, the light's on, that probably means people are listening and... hearing me talk to myself... like an idiot. Great. Cool.

[...He quickly clears his throat. Right, yeah, let's not keep talking to himself like a moron, that's no way to make a first impression.]

I mean. Hello there, youuuuu, ah, lovely... people. Oh god, that was terrible. This is... Jack. Handsome Jack. That's... me. In the flesh. I mean, not that you can see that, but--

Just. Just got a quick question. I... These Pokémon things, they're supposed to be like... animals, right? Um. I'm just gonna turn on the video for this, one sec... [And then the video feed clicks on, showing off one very excited Ditto, smiling right at the camera.] So... Seriously, what the hell is up with this thing? This is just... I don't even know. Someone used some jello for a science class and something went wrong or whatever? It's kinda freaking me out a little...

[The Ditto doesn't seem bothered being talked about like this, still looking as happy as can be.]

I... don't really know what to do with it. Do I like... feed it? Does it eat? It doesn't look like it eats, but... don't wanna kill it by mistake.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You don't sound like a Handsome Jack.

[Meaning he doesn't speak with the confidence that one with the title should. She tilts her head a little to look at the Ditto.]

Oh, they eat the same thing the rest of the Pokemon do--berries, candy, your own food even though you never gave them permission. You shouldn't have to worry, your Ditto will mostly forage for itself if needed.

Yeaaaah, I didn't really come up with that one. Let's just say I'm kinda stuck with it.

[The feed's still focused on just the Ditto. One of its little 'arms' waves at the camera. It's saying hi!]

What... Really? Cause it looks like a totally different kind of lifeform, but uh... Yeah, okay. I'll take your word for it, not like I know much about these things. Just gonna not think too much about what kinda messed up biology's going on here.

And I-I dunno, I mean, if I'm supposed to be responsible for it I don't think I should just let it forage.

[Yeah that's not suspicious in the slightest.]

You're not stuck with it here, you can be whoever you want here.

[Seriously what is happening with humans in these other worlds??]

Your Ditto can turn into other Pokemon, perhaps sometimes even other people--though I imagine for that part it'd take some practice. Whatever danger it runs into, I think it'd be able to manage.

I... kinda still am, but... Look, don't worry about it, alright? It's fine.

[Just fine. He definitely doesn't miss his old name at all. Nope...]

It... [...] Wow, alright. That's... almost disturbingly appropriate.

But uh... Good to know, I suppose.

[And that definitely doesn't set off concern radars. Seriously what is with humans??]

Is that so.

[The tone that's taken when she says this is flat. Like in a "I will destroy whoever is forcing you to continue this facade but let's play nice for now" way.]

I should add as well that the berries are not edible by humans, only Pokemon can eat them. Please do not try it or you will get sick and your Ditto will probably get worried.

Yeah. Sorry if it's confusing or anything, but uh, it's all cool.

[He is just gonna straight up ignore that tone, because... no, not even starting on all of this. Not with Jack around.]

Okay, definitely making a note of that. Do not eat the weird possibly poisonous berries. Right. Wasn't really gonna just eat whatever I find lying around on an alien planet anyway, that just seems like a... a very poor life decision.

Oh, I already have experience with plenty of human drama, it's not confusing at all.

[Mnnnn.]

You'd be surprised, they usually send off ten year olds on a "journey" to collect and battle these Pokemon. I think this world is made of poor life decisions.

"Human" drama...? Uh. So... you're not human?

[Wha...?]

...Well, that's just... messed up for a whole lot of reasons. And people are just okay with that?

Still, a world made of poor life decisions... That much I'm pretty used to by now.

I wasn't before coming here, no. That's what happens to everyone that isn't human before arrival.

They are, their whole culture is based in that. I suppose it's like a coming of age narrative for other people. When we're brought here we're expected to partake, though some of us get classed as breeders instead--breeding the best and strongest Pokemon for trainers.

Well. That's weird. But uh, so... if you weren't human, then what were you? If that's okay to ask.

Right. Just how it is here. Guess I'll just have to see it as cultural differences on other planets. This place is just all about Pokémon the same way Pandora is all about guns.

[...]

You seem [fragile] sweet. I don't want to share that on a first meeting.

Never mind all that anyway, my question to you is if there's anything I can do to help right at this moment. I run a shop, so I can at least send a care package.

Uhh... Okay. Slightly ominous, but... alright.

Huh, wait... Seriously? I mean, you don't even know me or anything.

[Doesn't he need to do some ridiculous job for her that puts him in mortal danger first? That's how these things are supposed to go, right?]

[Honey, you don't even know. She just smiles serenely in return.]

Not knowing someone is quite usual for the first meeting, that doesn't mean I shouldn't do what I can to help out. My caveat is, unfortunately, I'm still not that good at making regular food--so the care package is just sweets.

As far as you know, you're not allergic to anything, are you?

Oh. Well, that's pretty sweet of y-- oh god, that's a pun, I just realized. Not... intentional, sorry. Just think it's a really nice thing you're doing.

Nah, no allergies here.

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