001 ♟ audio/video

[secondhandsome]

[There's no video for this broadcast, just audio. Well. There's background noise, anyway, for a few seconds. Then someone awkwardly clears his throat.]

Um, is this... working? [Huh, funny. Isn't that voice familiar? The tone's a little off, but the sound of it's definitely the same as that Jack guy, right?] How... How do I know if it's...

Oh! Wait, the light's on, that probably means people are listening and... hearing me talk to myself... like an idiot. Great. Cool.

[...He quickly clears his throat. Right, yeah, let's not keep talking to himself like a moron, that's no way to make a first impression.]

I mean. Hello there, youuuuu, ah, lovely... people. Oh god, that was terrible. This is... Jack. Handsome Jack. That's... me. In the flesh. I mean, not that you can see that, but--

Just. Just got a quick question. I... These Pokémon things, they're supposed to be like... animals, right? Um. I'm just gonna turn on the video for this, one sec... [And then the video feed clicks on, showing off one very excited Ditto, smiling right at the camera.] So... Seriously, what the hell is up with this thing? This is just... I don't even know. Someone used some jello for a science class and something went wrong or whatever? It's kinda freaking me out a little...

[The Ditto doesn't seem bothered being talked about like this, still looking as happy as can be.]

I... don't really know what to do with it. Do I like... feed it? Does it eat? It doesn't look like it eats, but... don't wanna kill it by mistake.

Comments

[video]

[paladinlost]

[Ah, the familiar tones of a confused newcomer! Cecil prepares to offer the usual welcoming speech, when the sudden video stops him dead in his tracks.

Goodness. Who could be so cruel to a new arrival?]

You poor soul. Feed your Ditto berries, love it as you'd love any other creature in your care, and teach it about boundaries and restraint. You'll appreciate that once you catch more Pokémon.

[audio]

[secondhandsome]

Ditto... Right, that's the name of this... thing's... species? Oh god, there's a whole species of this thing, isn't there...

[This is so weird. Super weird. He's still not entirely convinced he's not just experiencing a weird hallucination caused by all his post-surgery meds.]

I... Boundaries? Like, um... What, personal space or something?

[video]

[paladinlost]

There is. Somehow.

[And now, the horrifying and brain-breaking explanation.]

You see, Dittos have a... special talent. They can breed with any other species. Including the ones with a single or no gender. And they enjoy doing so very much.

Audio

[thedifferencebetween]

[At first he wonders if maybe he got too much berry juice on his hands and he's having some sort of weird hallucination. Because he's pretty sure he just heard himself introduce himself over the Network.]

[The hell?]

[But then he plays the broadcast back in his head. The inflections kind of off. The words not quite right.]

Holy crap, one of you guys showed up!

[Which one...well, who the hell knows? There's like half a dozen at this point, and he only knows maybe two of them on any sort of personal level....]

Oh man, am I glad to see you! Hear you, whatever. Isn't this place insane?

Uh...which one are you, anyway?

1/???

[secondhandsome]

[...]

2/3

[secondhandsome]

[...

...

...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--]

3/3

[secondhandsome]

[AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--]

H-Heeeeey... sir. Didn't... actually expect to see you here! I mean, y'know, since we're so far from Pandora and... uh...

Yeah, it's... pretty crazy!

[Oh god, why can't he ever just get away from this asshole?]

I'm... ah... Geez, there's multiple now...? The one from the whole, um... Elpis... business?

[thedifferencebetween]

Yeeeeah, I've been stuck here for a couple of months. It's pretty boring, to tell you the truth. But I've got a business going, some other stuff in the works...keeping myself busy! Cause we're....I dunno. In some new galaxy, some other dimension....I dunno. A magic space llama may or may not be involved. Either way, no idea how to get home.

[Holy crap! The first one! Whatshisface! Timmy Landers? Landon? Something like that. His true doppleganger. Not just some guy with a removable voice modulator and holo-disguise. A real masterpiece, down to the last detail.]

[Well, physically anyway.]

Jack the Second! How the hell are ya? You were always my favorite, it's good to have you here buddy!

[video]

[kissmyaspis]

[For a minute, Athena bristles just at the sound of Jack's voice. Their last encounter hadn't gone over so well, after a drunken Jack had hung up on her shortly after she... might have accidentally outed Rhys to him. That whole frustrating day was still a sore memory for her, and she's about to hang up her gear with a huff...

... But then she actually pays attention. To his words, the way he stutters and seems so unsure of himself, the way he actually seems scared...

And something clicks. Her mind is pulled back to her time on Elpis, to her companions in that journey; The Sheriff of Lynchwood. A cybernetic addict. A claptrap unit. A stuck-up noblewoman...

A Jack body-double..]

It's you.

[What a nice hello.]

[audio > video]

[secondhandsome]

[There's another familiar voice he didn't expect to hear. But unlike Jack, this one doesn't fill him with horrible dread. It's a relief, actually... Though maybe not enough of one for Tim to actually relax. Not just yet.]

Athena?

[Tim quickly switches the video feed on, matching her. Feels like the least he should do.]

Oh man... Oh man, am I glad to see you... For a moment I thought it was gonna be just--

[He cuts himself off there, because this... is still public, maybe he shouldn't outright voice his displeasure at the thought of being stuck here alone with Jack...]

[video -> private video]

[kissmyaspis]

[... Right. She knows where this is going. Good thing that she knows these things have private features now, so after a brief pause... there.]

Let me guess. Jack's already started harassing you?

video;

[atlasrising]

[ Okay, so this guy doesn't exactly sound like Handsome Jack. But it's enough to give Rhys some serious heartburn. He didn't know much about this whole 'world from other worlds' thing too great; it was vast and confusing, and gave him a bit of a headache. But holy hell. If there were two Jacks he had to deal with, Rhys was seriously going to go into hiding. There was way too much he had to deal with already.

He swallows hard, sending a little prayer to whoever the fuck would listen before he answers. ] I, uh. I...

...E-Eats what?

audio;

[secondhandsome]

[Wow, man, this guy seems even more nervous than he does. And that's saying something.]

I mean... I don't know? That's kinda what I'm asking, I guess. I don't really know the biology of... whatever this is.

[video]

[styxiedust]

You don't sound like a Handsome Jack.

[Meaning he doesn't speak with the confidence that one with the title should. She tilts her head a little to look at the Ditto.]

Oh, they eat the same thing the rest of the Pokemon do--berries, candy, your own food even though you never gave them permission. You shouldn't have to worry, your Ditto will mostly forage for itself if needed.

[video]

[secondhandsome]

Yeaaaah, I didn't really come up with that one. Let's just say I'm kinda stuck with it.

[The feed's still focused on just the Ditto. One of its little 'arms' waves at the camera. It's saying hi!]

What... Really? Cause it looks like a totally different kind of lifeform, but uh... Yeah, okay. I'll take your word for it, not like I know much about these things. Just gonna not think too much about what kinda messed up biology's going on here.

And I-I dunno, I mean, if I'm supposed to be responsible for it I don't think I should just let it forage.

[video]

[styxiedust]

[Yeah that's not suspicious in the slightest.]

You're not stuck with it here, you can be whoever you want here.

[Seriously what is happening with humans in these other worlds??]

Your Ditto can turn into other Pokemon, perhaps sometimes even other people--though I imagine for that part it'd take some practice. Whatever danger it runs into, I think it'd be able to manage.

audio;

[cardboard_boss]

[Snake wasn't sure if this guy was real on the other end of the PokeGear. Handsome Jack? He didn't sound like the guy that Snake had met and talked to.]

You guys twins or something?

[Because he had to ask. Not that these twins sounded much like each other. Was this guy into profit like the other Handsome Jack? So far he was more interested in the Pokémon than money.]

audio;

[secondhandsome]

Uhhh...

[See, this is a question he might've been more prepared for if he went into this knowing Jack's here. But nope, he had to go and introduce himself with the same name and now there's... this bullshit.

Shit, how much is he even allowed to say again?

...

Oh god, he still hasn't answered, shit.]

S-Sorry, uh... What?

[...Yeah, what an answer. Way to go, Tim, you idiot.]

[cardboard_boss]

You said your name is Handsome Jack but you don't sound anything like him.

[Sorry, buddy but Snake knows Jack and they've spoken about various things. Money, Pokémon and weapons. You're not Jack.]

Wondered if Handsome Jack was a popular name where you guys come from.

Video

[veggie_vamp]

Huh? Handsome Jack?

... But Handsome Jack's already been here, for a while! He's a really nice guy! Did you hit your head or something?

Video

[secondhandsome]

Er... Ah jeez, this went so much easier in my head...

Of course you'd already know Jack, just my luck. Makes this more confusing. I'm... not exactly the same Handsome Jack? I mean, I sorta am! But also... not. Uh. Yeaaaaah.

[He's not explaining this well at all, but he didn't really expect he'd need to. Aw hell.]

Video

[veggie_vamp]

... So are you, like, his twin brother, or a split personality thing?

[Audio]

[4leafhair]

[There are faint giggles at the voice, and at being called lovely. Yotsuba's not really gotten to know Jack yet; she's only just figured out how to turn off video to project audio only, for pity's sake! But she thinks this is hilarious.]

Hiya Jack! I'm Yotsuba! [The voice is clearly a small girl, but by the chattering noise she's not alone.]

Your pokemon is cute!

[Audio]

[secondhandsome]

[Oh geez, that's definitely a kid. Not what he expected, but uh... well then.]

Oh, ah... Nice to meet you?

And... thanks? I think? It's kinda... weird. But sure, yeah, I guess you could call it... cute. Depending on your definition of cute...

[4leafhair]

It's def-in-ite-ly cute. It's purple, after all!

[And purple is cute.]

Did you just get here?