Lithium ☆ Video

[eclectictype]

[The Sevii island shores sure are pretty, anybody would be glad to take a vacation there--do some exploring, see the previously unseen Pokemon it has to offer...

Jade is not focusing on that, though, when she turns on the video. It's the, um...misshapen but still suggestively shaped piece of chocolate in her hand.]

So, FYI--dating Dave Strider gets you stuff like this for V-day. Not the most romantic thing I have ever been presented with.

[And she displays her displeasure with this by biting the piece in half.

In the background, her backpack seems to be...wiggling? Like something's inside of it.]

Next time you all think of what to do for your SO for the holiday remember--do not be Dave Strider.

[...The bag is glowing. The bag has burst open abruptly--sending bits of molten chocolate out and...something...floating? Jade's not oblivious, of course, and shrieks at this new development.]

Sammy?!

[Who's S--]



Oh my god, Sammy! You ate them and became a truffle boy! ...You are so adorable, I don't know how to feel about the fact that you ate dick chocolates just now!

[Sammy seems fine, he looks pleased as punch really--where did the rest of the chocolate go now?]

Comments

[Video]

[callbacks]

Sammiami knows I made those cockolates with love. He knows what's up.

[Why is he videoing her. He is like fie yards away on his tummy on a towel. Why are these children like this.]

BOI.

[eclectictype]

[Her response, of course, is to turn that direction and throw something.]

Daaaaaaaaaaaave! Your cockolates turned my Pikachu into a truffle!

[callbacks]

[Dave dodges. If it were Karkat or John, maybe he wouldn't have moved, but one does not simply let Jade Harley pummel you with sand castle buckets. He bruises like a banana.]

I thought Pikachus needed Thunder Stones to evolve? But anyway, are you actually complaining, I mean look at those ears. He looks more like a cinnamon twist than a truffle.

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[harlequinhater]

Jade, you should have known about Dave's terrible taste in everything before you started dating him. Like, I would tell you "I told you so," but I did not actually tell you anything, because I assumed you would know!

[Really, Jade. What were you expecting?]

Also, I did not know that dick chocolates could make Pokémon evolve. That is a really weird game mechanic.

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[eclectictype]

That doesn't mean I can't be annoyed at getting crooked cocks as a gesture of romance!

[Listen. It was a little funny at first until the realization that she SHOULD be expecting more set in.]

I don't--and he's flying! Why is he flying??

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[harlequinhater]

[John's going to do his best to keep from commenting on romance. He's gotten chewed out about it enough already. He's just going to focus on Jade's weird flying Pokemon.]

I don't know! Maybe dick chocolates have magical powers in this world that can make people fly?

Did anybody else eat the dick chocolates?

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[gainedlove]

[Clearly zeroing in on the MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THIS--]

You an' Dave 're dating???

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[eclectictype]

And Karkat as well!

[She has no issue with saying this, like, should there be.]

For a couple of months now--I suppose we have been keeping it on the down low. There is just no actual form to send to your friends going "surprise, polyamory!"

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[gainedlove]

[!!!!!!]

That's so nice! You gotta give 'em both lots of kisses an' hugs, okay? It's super important!!

[badluckbabe]

Wow...that actually makes me feel better about MY boyfriend back home.

Interesting side effect though. Do pokemon change color based on what they eat often?

[eclectictype]

He is a perfectly good boyfriend, it's just he has a preoccupation with dicks! I am aware this contradicts my opening message, but let it not be said that I don't love my dick-brained boyfriend.

[He's only sort of a dick brain, just a smidge of an obsession. She turns back to Sammy, who is contentedly munching on a cookie.]

Well, there was that one episode of the anime full of Pokemon that turned pink from living on an island with only pink berries. But no, not usually, Sammy was a different color when I got him--instead of yellow like Pikachu should be, he was orange. And now he is a chocolate truffle Raichu.

[badluckbabe]

Dick brained? Well everyone's got their thing I guess. Is he bi or just childish?

Not judging...I mean anymore then I already have. But I lived with a group of guys for a long while so the sense of humor isn't lost on me there at least.

[ That last part catches her attention.]

Is it wrong of me to want to color code my pokemon? Maybe I could just dye Noir's fur pink...that's not animal cruelty is it?

[video]

[charcoalfeather]

......Chocolate makes pokemon evolve...

[You learn more every day?]

[video]

[eclectictype]

I don't think that's the case!! There is the poke-macarons for Sylveon and everything, but Sammy should have ended up as a Raichu with the Thunder Stone in my bag--him...flying?? I am not sure why he's flying, but he looks very happy and cute!

[A pudgy surfing chocolate truffle boy.]

[video]

[charcoalfeather]

[A very happy boy, oh my.]

Well... maybe he evolved from being on the island? [She remembers someone saying that one time, maybe. Probably.] There have been weirder things that happened in this world before I guess... Oh, but he does look really happy!

[And bouncy.]

I guess that means he's fine with it.

[Video]

[cyan_maid]

[Oh damn, that's adorable. Make sure to drag Jane out to the islands next time, she wants to find a truffle boy.]

He's probably more concerned with the chocolate itself and not the really silly and inappropriate shape.

[Video]

[eclectictype]

Gosh, no! What kind of Pokemom would I be if my little Sammy knew exactly what Dad A made for Dad B and me. He is too young to know about sordid human things!

[video]

[captainash]

...I can't believe someone actually went and did it. I thought most guys would know better, especially after that warning.

[video]

[eclectictype]

While I am sure that the warning you're talking about was thorough, this is Dave's life. His aesthetic is dicks. He doesn't know anything else.

[Also even if he's technically, legally "an adult" by virtue of turning 18......he's still Dave Strider.]

[video]

[keep_surviving]

Oh, wow. Maybe you're lucky he just became that colour and you know, not the shape.

[video]

[eclectictype]

I would still love him no matter what shape he ended up in! Though, yes, having a dick-shaped Raichu would probably make having him around little bug catchers and such awkward.

[His shape is Round and that's all he needs.]

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[thedifferencebetween]

...That's some shoddy looking dick chocolate.

Also, a completely appropriate romantic gift for the right person. Just 'cause that isn't you doesn't mean everybody wouldn't want chocolate dicks.

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[eclectictype]

That's his aesthetic, misshapen and shitty.

[...#Aesthetic.]

That's cool but like, perhaps he could have waited for our first anniversary or something before shoving his several misshapen dick creations in my face?

[video]

[quadrangle]

[Forgive him if he's momentarily distracted by oh no those ears, but]

Hate to say it, but I'm with Egbert on this one. You really didn't see it coming?

[And yes, Karkat is also like five feet away on a towel, blissfully unaware of the heinous crimes currently being carried out on his precious trashy book. Guys, why.]

[eclectictype]

All right, fuckass, I know you have been engaging in illicit makeouts with Dave long before you decided you wanted me in on the love fest--

[A pause while she looks over her shoulder to call over.]

But you don't have to pretend to agree with John whilst defending your willingness to gobble Dave's dicks!