004. Video

[foolishwren]

_{[The entire screen is black and white as it pans across a backyard. Everything's buried under a good foot of snow, and big fat flakes are whirling past the camera so fast that they straight-up pixelate.]}

So... for those just tuning in...

_{[The camera's view jerks very suddenly to a massively fluffy Growlithe, who is very carefully sniffing the base of a completely snow-covered shrub.]}

... We're going for the fifteen-minute mark on Cooj TAKING HIS SWEET-ASS TIME FIGURING OUT WHERE TO PEE.

For the love of GOD, Cujo.

_{[He looks back at the camera, big pink tongue lolling out, and shakes off, spraying half-melted snow everywhere. Then he moves on to one of the patio chairs, along with the lumpy, weird-looking snowman from earlier that afternoon cheekily posed to be sitting in it-- to give that the once-over with his nose instead. And the trainer behind the camera lets out a melodramatic sigh.]}

What crime did I commit in a past life to deserve thi--



_{[and right then and there the video turns to a blur, because the snowman in the patio chair just stood up and Heather is LEAVING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE FUCK THAT COOJ YOU CAN PEE ON YOUR OWN]}

Comments

[mustachioedmagister]

[Dorian can only stare in horror at the scene being displayed on his device. Heather had been right -- the dog lacked a brain, because no creature in their right mind would pee on something odd and moving, no matter how innocent it was.]

[And then he's jerked away rather dizzyingly, leaving him to both clutch at his stomach and consider the implications of this most recent development.]

Mayhaps the snowman will melt beneath the force of his... release? It... tends to be warm after all. [A beat] If not, then I sincerely apologize for the unfortunate demise of your pokemon.

[foolishwren]

<sub>[NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO]


[Whatever carnage ensues is thankfully not filmed-- but there is a fair bit of barking, none of which sounds particularly pained. When you pit fire against ice in a battle, there's not much debate about what's gonna win, after all.]

[But a couple seconds later, the sliding glass door is thrown open again and the miscreant Growlithe, caked in snow and looking just a little shellshocked, comes careening inside, skidding on the linoleum.]

[Heather slams the door shut again just in time for a very angry snowman to splat against the glass.]</sub>

--I literally have the stupidest starter on the planet.

[mustachioedmagister]

[At all the clamor, Viridis the Serperior found himself roused from his slumber. Shooting a glower at both his trainer and the device within his hands, he slithered over to peer at it. Even he, normally unperturbed by most goings-on, looked startled to see the snowman splatter himself against the glass.]

[Then, he cocked his head up, sadistically amused at both the canine and human's misfortune. Dorian quickly attempted to shoulder him away.]

Are you alright? Do I need to send a rescue party? Prepare copious amounts of moltovs and torches to fight off your attacker?

[foolishwren]

Fortunately, I think if it comes to molotov cocktails, we've got plenty of booze on hand. ... Might have to dip into Greed's stash, but...

<sub>[She grimaces and raises an arm to shield herself as Cujo shakes off, spraying the entire half of the room with slush.]

[Then she shoots the dog a revolted look, pointedly wipes some of the snow off her cheek, and then turns back to the camera. SO UNAMUSED.]</sub>

And, well, I guess I could always toss Cooj back outside as a sacrifice in a pinch.

[mustachioedmagister]

He did seem to be doing well against the thing. [Or maybe just irritating it. If the latter was true, then he seemed to have a special talent. Perhaps it was one of those hidden abilities he heard tell of.]

["Cujo used annoy." Or something of the like.]

Alternatively, if you are trapped inside for an eternity, then at least you know what to eat first, once your stores run out. [He'll mimic those pointed looks. Sorry Cooj.]

[foolishwren]

Cujo's fat enough to last us a week. Could cut a few good steaks off of him.

_{[She says this even as he's snuggling right up to her leg, tongue lolling out happily. And, okay, also as she's petting him. Because she's never really angry at him, even if he's a dingus.]}

[mustachioedmagister]

Probably could without killing him. Maybe even make blankets from his fur. It's the only way to survive the winter this creatures seem to be bringing.

[Is he being ominous? A douche? Yes to all of the above.]

I was told these "growlithes" were meant to be smart, yet all I've seen is remarkably stupid ones. Wonder why that is.

[foolishwren]

Yeah, you hear that Cooj?

A blanket.

That's what you're gonna be.

One of those big fluffy comforters.

_{[He continues to stare up at her adoringly. One of his ears is flopped the wrong way.]}