004. Video

[foolishwren]

_{[The entire screen is black and white as it pans across a backyard. Everything's buried under a good foot of snow, and big fat flakes are whirling past the camera so fast that they straight-up pixelate.]}

So... for those just tuning in...

_{[The camera's view jerks very suddenly to a massively fluffy Growlithe, who is very carefully sniffing the base of a completely snow-covered shrub.]}

... We're going for the fifteen-minute mark on Cooj TAKING HIS SWEET-ASS TIME FIGURING OUT WHERE TO PEE.

For the love of GOD, Cujo.

_{[He looks back at the camera, big pink tongue lolling out, and shakes off, spraying half-melted snow everywhere. Then he moves on to one of the patio chairs, along with the lumpy, weird-looking snowman from earlier that afternoon cheekily posed to be sitting in it-- to give that the once-over with his nose instead. And the trainer behind the camera lets out a melodramatic sigh.]}

What crime did I commit in a past life to deserve thi--



_{[and right then and there the video turns to a blur, because the snowman in the patio chair just stood up and Heather is LEAVING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE FUCK THAT COOJ YOU CAN PEE ON YOUR OWN]}

Comments

video;

[bertall]

I've sort of given up on getting Marcel indoors when it's cold out. It wasn't so bad when he was smaller, but now he--

_{[.......What.]}

--W-What was that!?

video;

[foolishwren]

I don't KNOW and I don't WANNA know!

<sub>[She says this as she SLAMS THE SLIDING GLASS DOOR SHUT.]

[Cujo's still out there, but THIS IS HIS FAULT. HE CAN FEND FOR HIMSELF.]</sub>

video;

[bertall]

B--

_{[Wait. Wait. Wait. Oh no--]}

Your Growlithe! H-He's still out there! Don't leave him on his own!

[video]

[toothaches]

_{[Maurice is not used to this WHITE STUFF and so he's tucked into bed with a cold and his new fiery lion child acting as a hot water bottle. He's just scrolling through his gear feed when he sees...well, THAT.]}

I think this fever is gettin' worse...dude, you forgot your dog.

[video]

[foolishwren]

He's level 100 and a Fire-type, he'll be fine.

_{[SERVES HIM RIGHT FOR GOING ON A PEE TOUR INSTEAD OF A PEE BREAK]}

[video]

[toothaches]

_{[What is with this shaky cam?]}

WH-what's going on? Heather? Your name was Heather, right?

[mustachioedmagister]

[Well... that. Was a thing.]

I was under the impression that magic was not a possibility here. How on earth did you manage such a thing?

[Yeah, totally not weirded out by this at all.]

[foolishwren]

Are you implying that I somehow made all my housemates' weird abstract snowmen come to life?

I can't even wake myself up in the morning sometimes!

<sub>[She's peering out from behind the safety of the sliding glass door. Cujo appears COMPLETELY unconcerned, and is sniffing the thing's snowy legs with affable curiosity.]

[The creature, however, is staring straight at the door. SPOOKILY.]</sub>

[mustachioedmagister]

That is how magic works sometimes. It manifests without one realizing it. Tell me, do you have a deep fear of snow or snowmen? [A pause.] Ah, you were so upset about your dog relieving himself that it must have caused an outburst.

That, or I am absolutely, as they say, pulling your leg?

[video]

[paladinlost]

You have attracted the attention of whatever brings us here, and somehow managed to bring a snowman to life. That... must be a crime, according to some world's standards. Unless the snowman is meant to punish your Growlithe for being so indecisive.

[As far as Cecil knows, both options are equally likely. Curse this world.]

[video]

[foolishwren]

Dude, I did NOT bring that thing to life! I didn't even build it! If I had, it would at least look NORMAL!

<sub>[Indeed, it kind of is an atrocity to god. What with the extra arm and split-down-the-middle head.]

[This is what happens when you live with three ex-monsters and a survival horror protagonist. Fucked-up snowmen all over the yard.]</sub>

[video]

[paladinlost]

...Could a housemate of yours or a neighbor have decided to disguise themselves as a... mildly alarming abomination to play a prank on you, then? Try kicking it.

[Or setting it on fire, if the housemates and neighbors in question are a pain.]

video;

[shiro2hero]

... Tell me that's a pokemon.

Or we're all hallucinating from cold.

video;

[foolishwren]

Unless a ghost is possessing one of the snowmen my housemates made earlier, it's no Pokemon I've ever seen!

video;

[shiro2hero]

Haunter--?

[He's shouting off-screen. Apparently asking for his own ghost's opinion. The purple spirit raises up into view, eyes going wide, and then shakes its head in disagreement.]

... Not a pokemon. Are you all right?

[video]

[kissmyaspis]

... You have a giant dog that breathes fire, and you're running from some moving snow?

[SORRY HEATHER, Athena just can't wrap her head around running from a weird lumpy.... thing.]

[video]

[foolishwren]

Just because my dog breathes fire doesn't mean I do.

He can handle it.

_{[You can't survive as a horror protag unless SOME degree of your fight-or-flight responses lean towards the latter.]}

Video

[meowbel]

Whoa, what is the world was that? We're not going to have any killer snowmen running around, are we?!

[No seriously, her eyes weren't playing any tricks on her, were they?]

Video

[foolishwren]

Don't ask me, all I know is it moved when it definitely shouldn't be moving!

_{[It's no Pokemon, unless maybe a ghost-type is possessing one of the creepy snowmen her housemates made. Which... let's be real. Heather would totally buy that.]}

[action]

[exeggutorhead]

[At almost the exact same time that she decides that she needs to get out of there, another figure comes sprinting around the corner of the house towards her--at least as much as he can sprint in a foot of snow.]

Get inside!

[You know what can move just a bit faster through the snow than a person and is coming around the corner right after him?]

[Looks like Envy and Wrath's...interesting snowcreatures from yesterday. This one is sporting a gaping maw full of branches made to look like horrible long teeth.]

[action]

[foolishwren]

_{[OH GOD NO SHE DOESNT LIKE IT]}

Envy what the fuck!

<sub>[YOU AND YOUR CREEPY LITTLE BROTHER DID THIS!]

[But she leaps through the door and then stands clear so that he can skid in past her before she slams the door shut in the snowthing's face.]</sub>

[Video]

[charcoalfeather]

S-save the dog!

[That's the problem here!!!!]

[Video]

[foolishwren]

He's level 100 and he can breathe fire!

HE'S FINE.

<sub>[AND SHE SLAMS THE DOOR SHUT.]







[fortunately he does seem to be fine out there, he's still sniffing around PERFECTLY HAPPILY even as the snowbomination slowly staggers towards the door.]</sub>

text, 1/2.

[torsion]

First, everyone sells me on these things and then there's this. I guess there's always a down side, huh.

[torsion]

Wait, is something going on? Is everything okay?

[ This text has been written and erased a few times. The first one was just "Uh," then the second was "am I hallucinating," quickly to be mentally replaced since... well, this place is this place. It's kind of hard to know how to address this beyond "what the hell," but that solves nothing. ]