004. Video

[foolishwren]

_{[The entire screen is black and white as it pans across a backyard. Everything's buried under a good foot of snow, and big fat flakes are whirling past the camera so fast that they straight-up pixelate.]}

So... for those just tuning in...

_{[The camera's view jerks very suddenly to a massively fluffy Growlithe, who is very carefully sniffing the base of a completely snow-covered shrub.]}

... We're going for the fifteen-minute mark on Cooj TAKING HIS SWEET-ASS TIME FIGURING OUT WHERE TO PEE.

For the love of GOD, Cujo.

_{[He looks back at the camera, big pink tongue lolling out, and shakes off, spraying half-melted snow everywhere. Then he moves on to one of the patio chairs, along with the lumpy, weird-looking snowman from earlier that afternoon cheekily posed to be sitting in it-- to give that the once-over with his nose instead. And the trainer behind the camera lets out a melodramatic sigh.]}

What crime did I commit in a past life to deserve thi--



_{[and right then and there the video turns to a blur, because the snowman in the patio chair just stood up and Heather is LEAVING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE FUCK THAT COOJ YOU CAN PEE ON YOUR OWN]}

Comments

[video]

[foolishwren]

... Ugh, I hope not.

I thought the giant robot things that stomped the countryside into a fine powder that one time were bad...

[video]

[paladinlost]

Giant robots are never good news, but this seems more... mischievous than actively dangerous, for now. Almost harmless, even. Until someone has the bright idea to build a giant robot snowman.

[video]

[foolishwren]

I don't know, 'mischief' is usually funny.

As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing funny about living snowmen.

_{[Even The Snowman had a sad ending, for crying out loud.]}

[video]

[paladinlost]

I've no doubt the source of this finds our reactions hilarious. Why bother, otherwise? It serves no practical use.

[That he can tell, at least.]

[video]

[foolishwren]

... If it's that space cat thing from the moon base, I don't really appreciate its sense of humor.

[video]

[paladinlost]

I doubt he was responsible, but you could offer him a salmon offering to be safe. He likes fish and little party canapés.

[video]

[foolishwren]

... Yeah, point.

If it was the cat, I feel like it would have involved more things getting mysteriously knocked off the counters in the middle of the night.

[video]

[paladinlost]

Or scratch marks on every closed door in your house. Unconscious Rattatas left under the couch. Strategically placed hairballs.

[video]

[foolishwren]

The sensation of a paw shoved up your nose at six in the morning but when you wake up nothing is there.

[video]

[paladinlost]

Any and all freshly washed and dried clothing suddenly resembling a fuzzy sweater, even though you only stepped away from your folding for a minute.

[video]

[foolishwren]

Cosmic cat litter.

[video]

[paladinlost]

[Cecil cannot quite hide his shudder.]

It had better come with a cosmic broom, or better yet a cosmic vacuum cleaner.