Heather Mason (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
foolishwren) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
victory_road2017-03-10 11:05 pm
foolishwren) wrote in victory_road2017-03-10 11:05 pm
004. Video
[The entire screen is black and white as it pans across a backyard. Everything's buried under a good foot of snow, and big fat flakes are whirling past the camera so fast that they straight-up pixelate.]
So... for those just tuning in...
[The camera's view jerks very suddenly to a massively fluffy Growlithe, who is very carefully sniffing the base of a completely snow-covered shrub.]
... We're going for the fifteen-minute mark on Cooj TAKING HIS SWEET-ASS TIME FIGURING OUT WHERE TO PEE.
For the love of GOD, Cujo.
[He looks back at the camera, big pink tongue lolling out, and shakes off, spraying half-melted snow everywhere. Then he moves on to one of the patio chairs, along with the lumpy, weird-looking snowman from earlier that afternoon cheekily posed to be sitting in it-- to give that the once-over with his nose instead. And the trainer behind the camera lets out a melodramatic sigh.]
What crime did I commit in a past life to deserve thi--
[and right then and there the video turns to a blur, because the snowman in the patio chair just stood up and Heather is LEAVING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE FUCK THAT COOJ YOU CAN PEE ON YOUR OWN]
So... for those just tuning in...
[The camera's view jerks very suddenly to a massively fluffy Growlithe, who is very carefully sniffing the base of a completely snow-covered shrub.]
... We're going for the fifteen-minute mark on Cooj TAKING HIS SWEET-ASS TIME FIGURING OUT WHERE TO PEE.
For the love of GOD, Cujo.
[He looks back at the camera, big pink tongue lolling out, and shakes off, spraying half-melted snow everywhere. Then he moves on to one of the patio chairs, along with the lumpy, weird-looking snowman from earlier that afternoon cheekily posed to be sitting in it-- to give that the once-over with his nose instead. And the trainer behind the camera lets out a melodramatic sigh.]
What crime did I commit in a past life to deserve thi--
[and right then and there the video turns to a blur, because the snowman in the patio chair just stood up and Heather is LEAVING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE FUCK THAT COOJ YOU CAN PEE ON YOUR OWN]
[video]
Do I also need to mention that I'm not fireproof?
Cujo happens to have a blast-zone radius and it's generally in everybody's best interest to stay out of it.
[She could also mention the fact that she happens to have a pretty extreme case of pyrophobia, but... really, she'd rather not hand this lady more ammo to fuel her condescension.]
[video]
How do you battle with him, if you fear getting caught in the crossfire [ha] so badly? Needing to shout orders from far off is a bit of a hassle.
[video]
... That's literally how you battle.
I mean, I don't sprint fifty yards away or anything, but like... You don't stand there in the middle.
[video]
But the closer you are, the better you can assess the battle and its flow.
[She's... a pretty intense trainer, okay. Blame her home planet and the people who "raised" her.]
[video]
[DIFFERENT STROKES. Heather likes to scrap as much as the next plucky Portland kid, but a girl who fights and runs away lives to fight another day and all that.]