Video Post

[thedifferencebetween]

Hey there, everybody!

[Oh Jack sounds so...warm and friendly...waitaminute. Yeah, that's not gonna last.]

Yeah, I just wanted to thank the many people who....

Oh!

Oh wait! Hold on....

No, like nobody stopped to help me when I was having a friggin medical emergency!

What the hell is wrong with you people? You see an old...er guy, right after a huge freaking battle, who can't breathe or walk, and you just run on by? Oh, or...or...just stand and stare and go 'uh you should be outside...'. YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN WALK UP A BUNCH OF STAIRS DURING? A HEART ATTACK!

Shame on all of you. Shame on you, shame on your Pokemon, shame!

In case you were wondering whatever happened to that really sick dude you didn't lend a hand to...I'm fine now. But I wasn't!

You know. What with the heart attack!

[Except of course he was fine, he faked a heart attack in the name of Team Rocket, but nobody but his fellow Rockets know that. He feels his point stands, though. For all appearances, he'd had some kind of cardiac event during the base raid. And he's still sour over the lack of people who seemed to even notice.]

[He's Handsome Jack! Everybody should drop everything to help him if he so much as stubs his toe...]

Comments

[keep_surviving]

Super hot, huh? Sure, I'd like to meet him.

Nope.

[thedifferencebetween]

Did I stutter? Yeah, he's super hot.

May their organs be devoured by noctowls.

[keep_surviving]

Gimmie his number then.

Melodramatic much?

[thedifferencebetween]

...did you seriously just ask me for my boyfriend's number? Ha!

I almost died, I'm allowed.

[keep_surviving]

I wanna see if he's real.

Hasn't everyone? That excuse doesn't fly anymore.

[thedifferencebetween]

Of course he's real! Felix, the dude with the orange tips in his hair?

Not just the other week!

[keep_surviving]

Hmmm.... Nope.

From a heart attack from being old. Maybe you should cut down on your cholesterol.

[thedifferencebetween]

Seriously? FELIX, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE AND PROVE YOU'RE REAL!

I am not old! I had a long day, and a lot of excitement, and I'm just not an infant like most of you!

[keep_surviving]

It's okay. I'm sure your internet boyfriend is totally real. I definitely believe you.

Us darn whippersnappers just don't know how good we got it, do we?

[moneylogues]

[one moment there, this asshole is just gonna sliiiiiide on into this conversation. he might be laughing a little.]

Oh god, you have no idea how tempting it was to just not say anything and let this play out? Because this is pretty hilarious.

Can't say I've had to prove my existence before, but yeah, hey.

[thedifferencebetween]

Ha ha, laugh it up. Yeah, like that wouldn've gone so well for you. You know I woulda made you clean up all the Pokemon shit in the yard.

And would you please tell this chick that I'm not old?

[moneylogues]

This is the thanks I get for my gallant rescue? Just about the only rescue you've gotten too, apparently, so you really should appreciate it.

[He still can't believe that that was Jack's strategy. A fake heart attack. Wow.]

Hmmm, yeah, I mean... I could do that.

[.........And he doesn't follow that up by doing so yet. Because this is still funny.]

[thedifferencebetween]

I said I would have! I'm not gonna now, since you did vouch for your own existence. Can you believe that? I thought she wanted your number to hook up, I was about to ask her how old she was...

[Some people just don't do well with spur of the moment plans.]

Oh, you gonna be like that?

[moneylogues]

Yeah, but the possible threat was still there. Gosh, not even a thank you. [Felix, calm down with the sarcasm or there won't be any left for anyone else.] I gotta say, it's flattering being the one having to prove my existence for once. I've had it happen the other way around like-- [...] ...once.

[spoilers it was more than once and that just sorta slipped out]

Did you really expect otherwise from me?

[thedifferencebetween]

Well, yeah. This is me. What, you want a cookie for showing you exist?

No, not really.

[keep_surviving]

I live to entertain. Mostly myself.

Hey. Though you could just be him logged into another account.

[moneylogues]

I'd say you've done a very good job of it.

Oh, see, now that's a valid point. [Is it? Honestly who cares, it's fun to mess with Jack.] And exactly what sort of proof would be good enough for you, hm?

[keep_surviving]

A picture of you and him.

Oh, with you holding a sign that says 'I'm dating this'.

[moneylogues]

Simple enough.

But then, is it really worth doing that just to save Jack some embarrassment? Because I'm not sure how much I really care about that.

[keep_surviving]

That's a perfectly good point.

Well, what would you suggest?

[thedifferencebetween]

Cupcake, we live together. He's real!

Hey, I could kick your ass with a hand tied behind my back. Watch it.

[keep_surviving]

That's called your left hand.

Not with your bad heart you can't.

[thedifferencebetween]

Look, see? He's real. Friggin hell....

No, that just means I can't kick twenty of your asses.

[keep_surviving]

Still waiting to see proof it's not you on a separate account.

The diabetes may have claimed your foot by then.

[thedifferencebetween]

How the hell could I possibly manage that? They only give us one account!

Wait wait wait, whoah. When did I get diabetes?