victory_road

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[The screen flips on and at first all that can be seen is the up close face of a chuckling Trubbish. But the view slowly pans as the 'gear is turned, showing a...well, campsite. Of sorts. One of the tents is ridiculously elaborate and big. There are lounge chairs in front of it. And a fancy portable stove. It shouldn't be too surprising when the screen lands on Handsome Jack, standing at the edge of the campsite, his hands cupped around his mouth.]

D.B! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE! DOOM BONER! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!?!

[It's not terribly interesting, as far as unknown Pokemon recordings go, and certainly not anything that explains why the Trubbish was chuckling darkly at the start of the feed.]

[Until...what's that sound? That thunderous, advancing sound, like a giant wild Pokemon crashing through the woods at high speed. What the hell did Jack piss off with his yelling? Whatever it is, he clearly hears it, because his hands fall away and he takes a step back from the treeline.]

Okay...gonna assume that thing I hear ate you, so....

[A moment later it erupts from the trees. A massive shape of darkness, the only clear impression at first is size, something huge with teeth and horns and it's leaping....]

OH SHIT! HEY! SOMEBODY.... OH, NO NO NO NO NO NO DON'T YOU....

[And Jack is down. He's flat on his back underneath the alarming bulk of the fattest Houndoom that had has ever graced the Network. It's wobbling flesh bugles out around its bones, which are strained and stretched as it is with its girth. Its horns are uneven, one curving up and back as it ought and the other...sort of drooping over to the side like a floppy ear. It's eyes seem to move independently of one another. It's tongue is lolling out of its ever-open mouth, currently employed in licking Jack's face all over. The amount of drool and slobber is impressive.]

[Doom Boner is all grown up.]

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[Please excuse him while he dies laughing at this because holy shit that is the stupidest looking Pokemon he's ever seen!

Beside him is his own Houndoom, Scrapper, who looks..absolutely disgusted by the other Houndoom.

Seriously. What the hell.]

....WHO THE HELL RECORDED THIS?!?!?!

[Oh that is not a happy Jack.]

Whoever did it deserves a goddamn prize, pops!

[Because this was absolutely golden and he's loving it.

Vanitas manages to contain his laughter, a few chuckles escaping as he wipes at his eyes.]

Oh man that thing is disgusting looking. Congrats on your dumb dog.

They deserve to be strung up by their thumbs!

Look, he wasn't supposed to evolve! He was cute as shit as a puppy...

Aw, come on, pops. He's still cute...well, I'm sure someone will find him cute.

[God this is just so good.]

He just wants you to love him!

He's a monstrosity! Look at that thing!

I have another one, I know what they're supposed to look like! Hell, my other one's the freaking adonis of bone dog Pokemon!

[Well, Diana's come out to see why her father figure is shouting 'boner' at the top of his voice.]

Pops, what're you-

[Then everything's shaking and she's thinking maybe just leave Jack to whatever fate he's brought upon himself.

But oh. Oh, shit. That's a big dog. That's a really big dog.]

OH CRAP ON A CRACKER, IT WENT IN MY MOUTH!

[Jack squirms and shoves and twists himself out from under his newly evolved Pokemon. Doom Boner rolls over on his back, tongue still out, wiggling happily. Which is a lot less cute when he's a massive blob of drool and horns. Jack casts him a disgusted look as he gets to his feet, face and hair plastered with dog slobber. It's literally dripping off of him.]

It's fine, it's...well it's not fine, my fricking puppy mutated! Look at this thing...how the hell did this happen?

Language Pops...

[Diana mutters automatically under her breath. Even scared, still of of sass.

Isla the Sylveon, ever aware of her trainer's feelings, trots up to her side and wraps a ribbon comfortingly around Diana's arm. Diana manages to relax enough to take her eyes off Doom Boner and look at Jack.

Even fear can't stop her pulling a face and snorting.]

Eugh. You look so gross.

I am aware of this...oh...oh god, it's leaking under my mask....

[Jack wipes at his face and groans in disgust. This is awful. At least they're in the middle of nowhere and there's nobody else around but their little group.]

[He points a finger at Doom Doner before doing anything else.]

You! You go lie down in your doggy tent and think about what you've done! And don't give me that look, it's not cute anymore, it's just demented! You're fat and demented and I don't wanna look at you right now!

[The houndoom, well used to Jack, just struggles to his feet and waddles off to try and fit inside his puppy tent. It...it doesn't work out so well. Half of him fits, at least. The front half.]

[Jack sighs again and starts unlocking the clasps of his mask. Once it gets wet between the synth skin and his actual skin, he has to let both dry out.]

Why don't you go grab daddy a towel, sweetheart, you look kinda sick. There's some in the main tent. Grab some water or something while you're at it.

[Diana gags a little as she watches the exchange and tries not to envision the drool seeping through Jack's mask.

Then she notices what Jack's doing and watches curiously, before he address her and she feels her cheeks heat up slightly at the idea of him noticing her being uncomfortable.]

... Yeah. Kay.

[She heads into the tent, by the time she comes back out several curious Rockruff are sniffing at the stuck Doom Boner.]

Here you go, Pops.

[Diana glances at his face as she offers him a towel and a bottle of water, neglecting to get her own.]

Edited 2017-11-21 20:43 (UTC)

[Jack takes the towel in one hand and finishes freeing his mask with the other. He does it like it's no big deal, like he doesn't hate being seen without it. He doesn't like the questions and the reaction's and he's trusting Diana to not be that much of a shit.]

[His face is...mostly the same, under the mask. the glaring difference is the eerie blue inverted V mark cutting across it. And of course his eye,
which is little more than dark, milky sludge in the drooping socket.]

Thanks.

[Ugh. How could one animal produce so much drool? He needs a shower. Or a bath. Something. All he's got is the bottle of water, which he opens and pours over his face and hair.]

I'm gonna kill that friggin dog. He doesn't even battle, how the hell did he evolve? How did he evolve without having a heart attack or a stroke? I have questions!

[Obviously there's no hiding the slight shock at his appearance, but rather than disgust, Diana looks puzzled. Oddly enough it's the eye that draws Diana's attention the most. She didn't realize Jack was blind in one eye.

So, did the mask have fake eyes on it? Or just one fake eye? Wait, his mask had different coloured eyes.]

Was the mask cheaper if you got mismatched eyes?

[She takes the towel from him to wipe at the slime on his shoulders and shirt.]

I dunno. Do you other Pokemon fight him?

[She glances at the forest's edge, where the numerous canine eyes of her Pack stare back at her.]

Or maybe he was playing with my guys.

What? No. It's a replica of my face, an exact replica. Natural heterochromia, it's a thing. I had the mask made special, the whole thing's designed for me.

[And serves a variety of functions. Including allowing him normal vision, which he's got to adjust to. He presses a hand over his right eye, making everything dark for a moment.]

[Doom Boner, vaguley aware he's not alone, wriggles his hind end.]

Maybe...he waddled off into the woods after something, probably food. Then that monster came back.

Oh. Cool.

[She watches him and notices the globs still stuck in his hair.]

Ugh. It's still in your hair.

[Diana tries to rub some of it out with the water.]

It looks like you haven't washed it in weeks. So disgusting.

[The young Rockruff yip in a friendly fashion and start pulling on his tail.]

Well, congrats on getting the weirdest looking Houndoom I've ever seen.

I know, I know, it's everywhere, it's awful. I thought I was gonna drown.

[Jack attempts to towel off his hair, but he knows it's a lost cause. He's gonna have to have one of his Pokemon set up the camping shower and actually shower. Or he'll never be clean again.]

He was cute as hell as a puppy, I swear! All cuddly and shit! The whole stupid eyes, tongue-out, floppy ear thing worked for him! Now... I mean, at least I got Havoc, he's like...the adonis of Houndooms. But then that just makes D.B look even worse!

[Doom Boner howls in response to his tail being tugged, shaking his expansive rump back and forth playfully.]

Want me to get Cooch? She can probably help you wash some of that crap off.

[She's giving you a very skeptical look right now.]

Yeh, I'm sure it did.

[Diana watches as her ragtag group of puppies attempt to coax Doom Boner back out.]

Maybe you should put it on a diet? I mean, you must have made him that fat.

...Yeah, fine.

[Whatever, anything to be clean at this point. Jack hates being dirty, he's always hated it.]

He's been on a diet his whole life! He was a pudgy puppy, but I thought...I thought he was big! That's why I took him. I thought he'd get scary-big, not scarily big. But it was fine, he was just really cuddly.

I don't wanna cuddle with that thing! It'll smother me!

[Jack refuses to acknowledge his role in Doom Boner's size. So he lets him eat all the floor food he wants and he has his own wagon instead of having to walk....]

[Diana rolls her eyes and shakes her head as she heads over to her bag near one of the lounge chairs and digs out a PokeBall. With a flash there's a Shellder in her arms, clamped shut. Slowly, it cracks open its sticker covered shell and peers up at Diana.]

Hey, Coochie. Come help Pops out will ya?

[She walks back over to Jack, still unimpressed.]

You don't sound like a very responsible pet owner, Pops. You don't see my dogs developing diabetes.

[You do see them pretty much doing whatever they please though, since Diana lets her dogs run feral through the wilderness. But to be fair she does feed them responsibly.]

And none of my other Pokemon are the size of small planets! Obviously it's not me, it's him! He just eats every damned thing!

[Jack, frustrated, shrugs off his jacket and peels off his Hyperion sweater, because of course they're disgusting, too. And he doesn't want them getting worse.]

Aw, shit, it is way too cold to be having to do this!

No one else has a Houndoom like that either though, so...

[She pulls a face at the gross moist clothes on the ground.]

I mean, if you've got a bucket or something we could warm the water up?

PfmnuhuhuahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

SCREW YOU!

hey guess what video is being saved

forever

oh screw you!

i hate that freaking trubbish!

just wait till db tries to climb into YOUR lap...

oh if that shit happens to me i'll just peace out

it's not MY dog

not my problem

okay sure you try peacing out with that thing on top of you.

i was a soldier for YEARS

i once took over a prison ship all on my own

i think i can take one oversized dog

yeah you say that but i'd still put my money on the fat sack of fur.

what the fuck

you'd bet on the dog over me????

uh having flailed around under both of you....

yeah. i would.

pops. gross. private chat. plz.

felix and i are grownups. if anybody DOESN'T already know what we do together, that's not my problem.

just bc we kno dsnt mean we wanna hear abt it. i dnt wanna think abt how u dnt pull ur weight in bed.

see now you're the one taking it to weird and creepy territory.

cause ya know we also wrestle and spar. i never said anything about in bed.
you did.

which is kind of weird, sweetheart. are we in some ancient tragedy and you've got a thing for my boyfriend?

oh yh coz thts totally what you meant by flopping around under him. and when you talk abt wht 'grownups' get up to.

felix is cute but nar.

hey i never said anything dirty.
what you choose to imply is all on you, kiddo!

i dunno, you go on about how hot he is and how cool he is a whole lot.
you even defend his stupid hair.

uh huh.

i do? i mean hes alright. but ive got a thing for tall, dark bad boys with brains. u know wht they say pops. girls go after guys like their dads.

just saying.

you do. see, that's weird, 'cause that's exactly why I'M with him. the dark bad boy thing. it's like...as close as i can come to dating myself.
except he doesn't look like me.

and he sold his ability to actually feel things. but that's part of his charm.

if u say so. cant say ive seen it. still cant say i wanna take ur man tho pops.

sure. if thts sumthin ur into.

we like the same stuff, we want the same stuff out of life, we like to maintain the same kinda lifestyle, we enjoy the same hobbies.... alright. if you say so.

one of the most important things in a relationship is trust. is felix romantic or affectionate? no. but that's okay, if i really wanted that, i could just bitch at him to fake it. no, i can TRUST him. 'cause i know what he is and everything. i know he's not gonna turn on me unless i give him a reason 'cause he goes at everything with logic and what's best for him. i'm the best thing for him. and that's a hell of a lot stronger a bond of trust than just going 'well he loves me so he probably won't screw me over'.

aw babe

the dark void where my heart may have once been has been warmed

and that's all that really matters!

i got enough of the squishy feel stuff for the both of us.

well i think thts wht they say u shud have in a relationship. gd 4 u pops.

trust? hvnt had tht 1. must be a grwn up thing.

arnt u 2 cute?

trust is a tough one, sweetie. i loved a lot of people i thought i could trust, and most of'em stabbed me in the back. and it sucks. i don't think there's anything that hurts the way being betrayed by someone you love feels.

we're friggin adorable!

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has diana seen jacks true face before?

Nope!

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text cause felix is still the kinda guy to text someone in the same house

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