19th Recipe [Text, Olivine City]

[cyan_maid]

I've been wondering something lately. Usually late at night or early in the morning when I'm tired, and my mind's wandering. And...and I think it's important to write it out and talk to other people about it? But at the same time, I will have to warn those reading that it may sound nonsensical and all over the place.
So, um. Yeah.

I've been thinking about home a lot lately. And...how much I don't want to go back.
That's awful, isn't it? Being someplace for two, almost three years, and deciding you never want to leave? Not even to properly reunite with your friends and family?
But I just...don't want to return.
I don't even think about home all that much anymore, besides missing my friends and hoping they'll come back here someday, because everything was terrible.
I'd made a complete fool of myself and things were dire...explosive, dangerous, and - apparently - rapidly escalating towards a point of no return. Or so I've been told.
It's not that I wouldn't want to make amends! There's still so much that needs to be said between our entire group. But if there's no way to change the course of things, I'll never get that chance.
And at least here...at least for a little while, there's always that possibility. You can always change and grow as a person, it's there and it's real. Even when the others involved aren't present to actually, you know, clear the air...you can still get up and see the sunrise here. You can take a walk and make a new friend, human or Pokemon, and it's so easy to find something to make you smile.

I guess what I'm saying is, I don't want to take for granted the chance at living a new life and bettering myself, and I don't want to give it up. Does that make me selfish? Does it make me a bad friend to everyone back home?

I'd really like to hear others' thoughts on the matter, please.

Comments

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[isleavepossible]

I don't think that makes you a bad friend. I mean it's not like you decided to come here. And even if you don't want to leave. Well, if things back home were getting that bad....I don't think anyone can blame you for wanting to stay here. Not unless they've been through what you have.

I don't want to go back, so maybe that's easier for me to say. But I really think that while we're here. Living a new life that we wouldn't have gotten the chance to back home is a good plan.

[Text]

[cyan_maid]

But is it fair to enjoy it when the people you love can't?
Or could, or have, but aren't here now?
I just...end up feeling so guilty.

[Text]

[isleavepossible]

If you were the one bringing people here and spending them back then yeah, I'd say you'd have a point.

But sometimes. Things just happen. Making yourself miserable, won't make your loved ones happier. Or bring them here.

I know guilt doesn't just go away because someone comes up with a logical reason as to why you shouldn't feel bad. But I do also know it helps when people say they don't think you should blame yourself. Or at least it helped me when I needed it.

So, I don't think you should feel guilty for trying to have a life here.

[Text]

[cyan_maid]

...



I think I can try.
I mean...what else can I do, right? What else can any of us do but try?
It sucks, though.
They should be here, too. Everyone should be here.

[Text]

[isleavepossible]

Sometimes that's all you can do.

I wish they were here though. My friends, your friends. Everyone's friends. That they could stay here where it was safe and no one died or got possessed or anything.

But. ....We're here and we just have to go with that I guess.

Text

[goldeneyeball]

i cant read this how do i make my text this color i need to know

_{[I'm so sorry Jane.]}

[Text]

[cyan_maid]

[krthjkdsnskfgn]

Oh no, I'm so sorry! Is this better?
There's an option when you write messages to change the text color, it should be right there on the screen...

[Text]

[goldeneyeball]

yes thank you

i cant find the icon

not this one but still good

[Text]

[cyan_maid]

Yes, that's right next to it. The button on the left changes the color. You're almost there.

[Text]

[tearsofademon]

That doesn't make you selfish. It's a pretty common sentiment, believe it or not.

[Text]

[cyan_maid]

Are you sure?
I sure feel selfish.
And that's...kind of somewhat, honestly, a partial flaw of mine in a grander scheme of flaws.

[Text]

[tearsofademon]

If you were actually selfish, you wouldn't be worrying about it, right? You'd just stay here enjoying yourself without any thoughts about anyone else.

[Text]

[cyan_maid]

I...guess so?
But I could just as easily keep that feeling to myself and still feel it, and also be selfish.
It still seems like I'm hoarding this comparatively normal life to myself.

Anonymous text

[dreamsofahero]

It isn't wrong to want a better life, a better world. If you can choose that without regret when given the chance, there's no reason not to take it.

Especially if the alternative is to return to a cause that's already been lost.

I would rather see my friends safely here than suffering back home, even if it meant that I had to be left there alone.

[Text]

[cyan_maid]

But that's the thing - I've still got regrets.
Even if there's no way to make things right where they should be right, I regret.
How could I not...?

Anonymous unless indicated otherwise! :|b

[dreamsofahero]

Could you do any good if you returned? Would it do you any good if you returned?

There isn't anything wrong with wanting to live somewhere safe, where you can be happy.

[cyan_maid]

I mean, no.
Apparently I can't. It's impossible.
I'd forget everything I learned here and just...fall into line with the awfulness, just like my friends said would happen.
Right?
If you don't know there's any other outcome, you can't change the original, I...think.
I don't know, I'm not the Time person.

[islandshore]

Nah, it's not that weird. For some people, this world is better than the place they left behind. Or maybe they don't have a home to go back to. It kinda varies, and while some people have unfinished business, that doesn't mean you should feel guilty.

I'm... kind of in the middle. Been eight years now, so I'm used to the place, but there's a lot that just hasn't happened for me yet. And most of the people I care about are gone.

Heh. Probably part of why I've been so antisocial. Maybe I'm just jaded.

But at the same time, I've got my team. I've got a lot of accomplishments under my belt. It's just... I let myself fall into a slump. It's stupid. And these days, I just don't know how I should feel.

[cyan_maid]

Well...
Eight years is a terribly long time.
Maybe you need to find something new with which to challenge yourself?
It might help take your mind off things for a while, at least.

[islandshore]

There's the Elite Four, but... heh. Kinda procrastinated on that front.

Guess a part of it is that once I'm through with it... what then? Sure, I could go from my Training Center to an Aurora League Gym, and that's cool and all, but it sorta feels like... settling down.

Not that idling like this is much better. It's stupid. I know I should just stop making excuses.

[cyan_maid]

Are we required to make our own gyms once we triumph, though?
There could always be other things you could try, like...training up specific teams to fight gym leaders again? Do they allow that?

[Text] SO LATE sorry

[foolishwren]

No, you're not selfish.

It can feel weird when you really want to stay here but it seems like everyone else doesn't-- but for people who came from bad places, it's cruel to hold it against them for not wanting to go back to that.

I hardly ever think about home as 'home' anymore.

I'm a little different I guess since there really ISN'T anything to go back to in my case.

_{[Just one friend, who... to put it lightly, would more than understand her feelings on the matter.]}

But even if there WAS... I don't think I'd feel differently.

So don't feel bad.

There's nothing wrong with wanting better, and this place just straight up IS better.

[Text] YOU'RE COOL

[cyan_maid]

It's...
It's really ridiculous, isn't it?
That so many of us find ourselves in this place and don't want to leave.
I would never have expected that the safest place to live would have Pokemon in it.

[Text]

[foolishwren]

Nah it's not ridiculous

I think it's testament to how many of us come from shitty, fucked-up places that did us dirty

After everything I've been through, a world with free healthcare and the opportunity to have as many cool magical pets as you can handle is about as close to paradise as it gets

[Text]

[cyan_maid]

Isn't it, though?
It's...I mean, besides some things happening sometimes, you know, the weird stuff? It really is the kind of place you never knew you needed until you're there.