001 ♟ audio/video

[secondhandsome]

[There's no video for this broadcast, just audio. Well. There's background noise, anyway, for a few seconds. Then someone awkwardly clears his throat.]

Um, is this... working? [Huh, funny. Isn't that voice familiar? The tone's a little off, but the sound of it's definitely the same as that Jack guy, right?] How... How do I know if it's...

Oh! Wait, the light's on, that probably means people are listening and... hearing me talk to myself... like an idiot. Great. Cool.

[...He quickly clears his throat. Right, yeah, let's not keep talking to himself like a moron, that's no way to make a first impression.]

I mean. Hello there, youuuuu, ah, lovely... people. Oh god, that was terrible. This is... Jack. Handsome Jack. That's... me. In the flesh. I mean, not that you can see that, but--

Just. Just got a quick question. I... These Pokémon things, they're supposed to be like... animals, right? Um. I'm just gonna turn on the video for this, one sec... [And then the video feed clicks on, showing off one very excited Ditto, smiling right at the camera.] So... Seriously, what the hell is up with this thing? This is just... I don't even know. Someone used some jello for a science class and something went wrong or whatever? It's kinda freaking me out a little...

[The Ditto doesn't seem bothered being talked about like this, still looking as happy as can be.]

I... don't really know what to do with it. Do I like... feed it? Does it eat? It doesn't look like it eats, but... don't wanna kill it by mistake.

Comments

Private Video

[thedifferencebetween]

So one of the awesome things about these Pokemon, beyond crapping money, is that they're supposed to collect money. They grab shiny and valuable things. Except this one. This one? Loses his shit for candy wrappers and tinfoil. I try and throw it out, right, cause it's garbage? No. Friggin thing gets it out of the trash!

They seriously gave me that thing. I've been trying to get rid of it for months.

[The Trubbish lifts one dripping arm, points to its eyes, and then points to Jack.]

Yeah, it...it does that a lot. Sometimes it watches me sleep. It's got some secret way into the house. I dunno. I'd drown it if I could.

Private Video

[secondhandsome]

I guess he just doesn't really get the difference? I mean, it is just a cat.

[Man, that Trubbish is super weird though. Getting rid of it seems extreme, but... still. Weird.]

Wow, that thing uh... seriously doesn't like you, does it? But, uh... yeah, okay, definitely more relieved about mine now. At least it doesn't look like that thing.

[He glances back down at his Ditto, who is... actually also watching the screen. Pretty closely, too. Then its smile widens like it suddenly has a brilliant idea... and begins glowing. And changing.

Changing right into a mirror image of that Trubbish.

Tim just... stares. Because well. That sure just happened.]

...

What.

[Yeah, no one actually told him what Dittos do best yet.]

[thedifferencebetween]

It should damn well know the difference! The other ones know the difference! I spent hours teaching them!

And no, no it does not like me. And I don't like it. I wish it would just....

Holy snizzballs.

The fuck?

[It's not often that Handsome Jack drops a full on F-bomb, but there are situations that require it. This is one of them.]

[Seriously. The fuck?]

[secondhandsome]

[It's incredible, for once Tim and Jack are in complete agreement.

Because the fuck?!]

What the... I... What?!

[The Ditto... Trubbish... Ditto!Trubbish doesn't seem concerned about this reaction. It's just happy to be included.

Tim's still staring in total shock, trying to process this.]

Uhhh... So... That's weird! I mean, everything here's weird, but that's... That's weird, right?

What the fuuuuuck.

[thedifferencebetween]

I...I dunno. I have no freaking clue. That's...

[Jack exhales and shakes his head. He's got nothing. He knows he shouldn't be surprised at this point, but for crissakes... and now there's two terrible trash creatures!]

[Kinda fits, though. His doppleganger gets a Pokemon that...alters itself to look like his Pokemon.]

No, no, you're right. That is weird. Even for these things. I mean...money crapping cats and fire breathing dogs is one thing. How the frig is it doing that?

[And how can it be replicated?]

[secondhandsome]

[Yeah, the fact that this is honestly very fitting hasn't escaped Tim, though for now he's too focused on just the weirdness of all of this to think about it too much.]

I have no idea. No one said it could do this! I feel like someone should've mentioned that, maybe!

[...Wait.]

I... I mean, someone said that apparently a big thing about these things is that they can breed with any other Pokémon, but... Shit, I guess now I see why.

[And just like that, the Ditto glows brightly again and shifts back into its natural form. Just being its own goopy self again.]

...Goddamn. Okay.

Okay, that's a thing.

[thedifferencebetween]

That...that sure is something. Wow. You...uh...you got a real winner there, pumpkin!

[The weirdness knows no bounds. No friggin bounds at all.]

Have fun with your happy hermaphrodite blob, I guess.

[secondhandsome]

Ugh... Yeah. Yep. I sure do. Jeez.

Whatever decides who gets what creature sure has an interesting sense of humor...