victory_road

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Keith and Romelle are gone. I've got their starters. And Keith's Skarmory. If anyone has any of their other pokemon I'd appreciate knowing. Going to Cianwood City. Missed that badge. Sorry to anyone waiting on the Island. That's all.

[That's. Really all. That's all he knows how to say about the situation. All he thinks to say without dumping more feelings out.]

[So clearly... it's back on the road.]

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[Doesn't matter in the end, does it?]

[He shakes his head. Sharply. Just once, but sharply. Tightening his grip for a moment before he realizes Lance probably needs to breathe. And loosens his hold. He had himself under control until Lance went and said what he'd needed to hear.]

[Give him a second to breathe. And focus.]

It does. To me, it does. It matters a lot.

[He pulls back, resting his elbows on his knees so he can stare at the ground. It's easier than looking Lance in the eye. If he does that, he's probably going to crack again. It matters a lot. Lance matters a lot. Especially now.]

Did you make it yourself? [Finally, back to the thermos. Back to a safer topic.]

[Lance isn't going to argue against whatever mindset Shiro has right now. Not the right time and also he really doesn't have a good defense anyway, not without turning things in his direction.

Now that he can breathe freely, he plops down next to Shiro on the bench, leaning his head back into his hand and gazing up at the sky.]

Huh? Oh, the coffee. Yeah. Karma helped keep it warn, though.

[At the mention of his name, the Charmander trills, giving Shiro a grin of four fangs. Drink up, Shiro. Don't disappoint the little dinosaur who gave his all on that beverage.]

Did he...?

[The Charmander is definitely getting a smile. And he reaches down, offering him a little scratch on the head for his troubles. Why are these guys adorable? Why? Seriously. It's healing.]

Thanks, buddy. I appreciate the effort. You did a good job.

[He says as he pops the thermos open. You bet he's going to drink the whole thing.]

[The flame at the tip of Karma's tail flares up in lieu of him wagging it like a dog being told he is the bestest boy. He leans up into the scratch and trills again, glad he could help with his little tiny paws.

And Shiro is free to drink the whole thing. Lance fixed the coffee the way he remembers Shiro taking it: black like the deepest darkest black hole in space.]

You did too. Keeping us all together as long as you could. Not everything is in your control. It would be nice if it was, though...

[Lance trails off, still looking up to the sky. He doesn't expect Shiro to answer. He doesn't need him to. Lance just needs to let Shiro no one blames him for anything, would never even think to blame him for anything, that they appreciate him for what he is and not for what he isn't and could never be.]

[Yep, more scratches for Karma. Maybe some under the chin, too. For good measure. You deserve it, little guy. It... also helps to focus on something else when Lance starts talking.]

Never feels like it's... enough, I guess. [He says, finally. Quietly. The words a little cracked around the edges.] Keep wanting to make it a good place for all of you. Somewhere to fall back on.

Somewhere... you could have a normal life. For a while.

[And it keeps getting pulled away. Yanked out from under them. There's no one to blame but himself, he feels like.]

Shiro, we're in the space army. Exactly what is normal for any of us?

[Normal is overrated anyway. Normal for them would have meant being reamed a new one by Iverson on a daily basis and being given latrine scrubbing duty because they acted up again. Normal wouldn't have meant meeting the best family Lance could have chosen.

He doesn't want normal, not if normal means anything other than this.]

Hunk said we're just a group of dysfunctional anxiety ridden teenagers, but we're a group of dysfunctional anxiety ridden teenagers who make a way out of no way. You got us a house. We have somewhere to come home to. We can't ask or want anything more. We're doing okay. We got jobs, hobbies, we're doing our thing. I think it's time maybe you spent some time on yourself, though. We got us. Maybe you should have you.

[Maybe take some of that weight off his shoulders. Shiro doesn't need to be the illustrious leader where there's no Voltron to lead.]

I just mean... a place you didn't have to worry about the war. Or being hurt.

[Or dying. Somewhere they can be teenagers. Where they can experiment with this thing the three of them have together, without worrying if one morning, the Galra are going to blow it apart.]

[He swallows, going back to studying the ground. He's heard this before. He's thought about this before. It always ends up the same. It always has. Every time he tries, something goes wrong. Prom, the last time he left for badges, his adventure with Ford... Someone leaves. Someone falls into a coma. Trying to do something for himself means someone else suffers, in the long run.]

[Maybe that's foolish. Maybe it's not logical. But that's where his brain has taken the thoughts.]

I don't... I do want that. I want to be a person again but -- Lance. Lance I have tried.

And this happens.

And we don't have to. You've done your job. Let us take it the rest of the way. I promise, regardless of the fact we forget to fill up the ice trays, we're capable of handling things on our own.

[No Galra here. No need to worry about purple cat looking morons. No need to worry about whether the Castle will be attacked in the middle of the night or whether another bomb will try to blow them all to smithereens.

In Lance's eyes, Shiro's worries are worries over things he cannot control. He can't control aliens, whatever happened with Ford, Keith's coma, or anything. It's foolish and illogical and downright stupid, but Lance isn't going to use those words. They wouldn't be helpful. He will, however, not let Shiro walk away with those kinds of thoughts.]

And? You're just going to give up like that? You're not someone who gives up, Shiro. You're a survivor. If you could make it through the Galra, you can make it through this.

[Lance isn't sure what this is exactly, but he's sure it's got to be at least five times less worse than dealing with evil aliens.]

Keith's home. You know Keith can handle things on his own for a bit. Wasn't he a sand hobo for a while when you were gone?

I know you are. I trust every one of you. Wouldn't be out here if I didn't.

[No, no Galra here. No need to worry about them getting killed in a mission, or whether they'll wake up some morning reading someone's obituary.]

[He wants to say it's not giving up. But in a way, it is, isn't it? It's giving up on something he wanted. On feeling like a human being. On exploring the new places of this world, seeing things he'd never seen before. For the sake of keeping everyone else safe. Giving up on giving someone else what they might want... for that same reason.]

Not at someone else's expense. It shouldn't be at someone's expense.

[Someone besides his own. But from the quiet in his words, it's clear Lance is getting somewhere.]

First time I left him, yeah. He... kind of was.

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