Text [ANONYMOUS]

[failgoyle]

[The text post that pops up is completely anonymous and being sent via a Pokegear that's been reported as stolen, if anyone manages to trace it even that much.]

[URGENT BUSINESS PROPOSAL]

Greetings and Salutations,

I am Dr. Bobert Robertson, the cousin of esteemed Unovan Elite Four Champion Alder. I am here seeking to transfer a portion of his vast fortune in the sum of 100,000,000,000 Pokedollars from this account in Unova to an account in Johto, and I am in need of a reliable and trustworthy individual to assist me in moving the funds. In exchange for your esteemed assistance I am willing to provide you with 20% of the funds in exchange for your trouble. I am needing to make this transfer urgently and without delay.

Please respond as soon as you are able if you are able to assist me in this endeavor. Time is of the essence.

Faithfully Yours,
Dr. Bobert Robertson


[Look, he's got to get a sense of who else he's dealing with here one way or another.]

Comments

[Text] lmfao

[plays_despacito]

You can't tell me there's someone here who is stupid enough to try, and probably fail, at this.

Please tell me this is some sort of joke meant to make a point and not some base-ass scam.

[Text] so much disaster

[failgoyle]

I assure you my good person that this is all entirely legitimate and above-board and backed with the trustworthiness of the Unovan Financial Association and other associated LLCs.

[Text]

[plays_despacito]

Bro, you're literally in a world where ten year olds can go out on an adventure and are entrusted with cash.

You aren't as smart as you think you are.

text

[cometkin]

Uh, I'm not actually sure if we're allowed to do that, since they banned us from Unova.

text

[failgoyle]

Not to worry, dear friend, for I shall remain in Unova and you can do your part right from wherever you are without coming to Unova yourself.

Re: text

[cometkin]

Uh. Why can't you come over here, anyway? I mean, nobody's banned you from Johto, right?

text;

[amaure]

[Oh for the love of...]

How curious!

Here I was under the distinct impression that all belonging to this very network were imports themselves, and thus of no relation to any of the natives here. Considering it being a decided impossibility. That you would be a cousin is skeptical enough, but so too is your claim for a need of assistance with your burdensome money. But by your word has such a false impression been smote.

Mayhap by another's wager something fairly suspect is transpiring, but I cannot seem to place my finger upon it. Perhaps all those zeroes have merely robbed me of my senses. Or, they have given me clarity. Pity, I cannot seem to decide which it is.

text;

[failgoyle]

I am using the network using the login credentials of my very good and esteemed friend Jimothy Jameson, who is definitely not from this locale and has already been assisting us in moving these funds.

Surely these zeroes are of a sufficient amount to cause awe, but never fear, some of those zeroes can be yours with a little assistance.

text;

[amaure]

Really. Well that does not sound dubious at all. Consider my worries and woes properly soothed, good sir. Now then, you speak of assistance, what exactly would this entail, I cannot help but wonder?

After all, I am ever fond of zeroes.

[Look, sometimes he just needs to take a break from work for a little bit of mutual trolling. It's like the fast food of intellectual stimuli.]

[text; un: yayme]

[yay_heiress]

20%? Make it 70% and you've got yourself a deal.

[Congrats, Bobert. You've found a gullible, yet greedy fellow Rocket grunt.]

[failgoyle]

I am afraid I cannot do quite such a drastic alteration of the terms but if you would like to bargain I can increase the amount you would receive to 25.3333333%, which is still a good deal of Pokedollars for your trouble.

[Look, he's got to at least try to make this look at least a little convincing.]

[yay_heiress]

55%?

[If there's one thing London's father taught her, it's always try for a better deal. After all, this is business.]

text;

[breakyourlife]

awesome! how much money do I get 2 keep?

[Why are Rockets the only ones falling for this?

That... probably speaks a lot for the kind of organisation it is actually.]

text;

[failgoyle]

A sum of 20,000,000,000 Pokedollars shall be yours for your gracious assistance in this matter.

text;

[breakyourlife]

I'm listening

text

[un_oiseau_rebelle]

I see this place has all the comforts of home, up to and including the advance fee scams.

[His Fetch trolls would-be scammers for fun.]

text

[failgoyle]

My good esteemed individual, I do not know what you are speaking of, this is surely a legitimate offer backed by the Elite Four of Unova and I do not know of which this scam you speak.

[un_oiseau_rebelle]

Of course. And if someone were to contact the Elite Four of Unova to ask about this, they'd say...?

[Not that Shinobu knows how to contact the Elite Four of Unova, but details.]

text (trainer ID encrypted)

[insidegalra]

[Yeah, Thace recognizes the flavor even if he doesn't recognize the specifics. He could just ignore it, of course, but if this place is as innocent as it appears, well... Thace starts working on triangulating the source of the message. If he can get a reply or two it will give him more to work with.]

The manner of assistance is unclear. Please elaborate.

text (trainer ID encrypted)

[failgoyle]

I will transfer the money to you in Johto, and then you will transfer the money back to me, also in Johto. For various logistical reasons the transfer cannot be done directly and I must seek out a kind middle-man, -woman, or -person such as yourself.

text (trainer ID encrypted)

[insidegalra]

For what reason is it necessary to disguise the origin of the money? Should obstacles to keeping it be expected?

text

[spacebolin]

What does your cousin have to say about you offering to give away portions of his money? Why does he need to transfer his money that quickly? Is he trying to move here?

[There's a lot to unpack here and Hunk is skeptical by nature, so obviously he's going to poke a bit at this guy's logic.]

text

[failgoyle]

He is amiable to the disbursment of the portion of the funds in exchange for the transfer, which is of the time essence because of the impending date of an upcoming Elite Four Regional Battle Expo, of which this will partially be funding.

pretend I tagged this sooner lol

[bravury]

It seems a simple enough task if you are still in need of assistance.

no worries, lol

[failgoyle]

Yes, friend, your assistance would be greatly appreciated. If you are interested in this proposal, perhaps you would care to provide me your banking information so that I may proceed with the urgently-needed transfer?