victory_road | [closed] a very late catch all for november-december

It was still a ball of snow. It was not my fault that you could not handle it.

[But he doesn't mean it, not really. After all, didn't Felix pelt him with so many snowballs before? If contact was a measure of winning...]

[...Well. Maybe it doesn't matter. Not when Felix is smiling back at him, those amber eyes as bright as he remembers them, the chill between their hands quickly fading into something warmer. Dimtiri can't help himself; he tugs Felix in for another tight hug.]

[Felix scoffs.] That was not a snowball. It was a snow crime.

[He doesn't resist the hug, though for a split second he panics thinking he might have voiced his thoughts--but no, this is just Dimitri being Dimitri, and Felix is more than fine with that. He might have been more embarrassed about the excess mushiness if he hadn't just finished getting literally buried in a pile of snow, and Dimitri is nothing if not warm, despite also being covered in snow.

So Felix hugs him back just as tightly, burying a face pink from cold and affection alike in Dimitri's chest. He tells himself he's just humoring the prince, but that doesn't explain the stupid smile that won't leave his face.

Mid-hug, he shivers.] Now I'm freezing. It's all your fault.

[He does not actually sound annoyed in the least.]

Ah-

[Dimitri really is apologetic for that, and he pulls away from Felix for a moment.]

I... am sorry.

[He wasn't thinking about that - about how cold it is, the snow all around them. All he could think about was Felix, about being able to touch him, about - being with him and sins... forgiven.]

[About even the person who first called him out as a monster willing to wrap his arms around him, and let the connection stay.]

[But he doesn't want to hurt Felix - even if any cold caught from this whole thing would be a minor nuisance at best. He doesn't want Felix to hate him again, when he's already taken so much. So Dimitri looks out to the rest of the town.]

While I was getting something, and doing a small bit of work around town, I was told that there was a place with hot water that would be nice? We could go there, and let our clothes dry.

[A little voice inside Felix's head that sounds suspiciously like Sylvain makes some kind of joke about cuddling for warmth, and he remembers the night when Sylvain gave him his jacket, and that train of thought sort of wends its way to thinking about Dimitri draping his giant cape and mantle over Felix's shoulders, and this is a weird time to be thinking about that so he stops immediately.]

Hot water? Doesn't every place in this world have hot water? But why not. Let's go.

I was told that it was a different kind of experience...

[Still, Dimitri is happy to lead the way through town, with their Pokemon trailing behind still underneath the comfort of the umbrella. It really was made quite sturdily, considering the snow it's been accumulating all this time... but at least it has Dean to be responsible and lightly shake or steam under it.]

[The nice thing about Azalea Town is that, well, it's only a town. It reminds Dimitri of the places he's more familiar with, back in their Fodlan. Not in the technology, or the architecture, or, well, the sleepy and very fat pink otters that litter the streets even now, lounging on people's porches...]

[But the simplicity? The quiet? The way smoke and heat gently streams out from chimneys?]

[He can remember when he'd been fascinated by such a feeling, when he was younger... and then, when he had been on his own, the quiet had been...]

[If Felix is paying attention, he might notice Dimitri start to - space out, for lack of better term. Dean seems to pick up on it, hurrying a little more through the snow with rats clinging to or chasing after him. Gotta catch up with trainer to make sure he doesn't dissociate into the woods again.]

[The cats stick with the rats under the umbrella--even Varley got sick of the illusion of apathy and ducked under it at some point--as Felix wrestles down the urge to grab Dimitri's hand. That's incredibly stupid. Just some leftover childhood nostalgia, obviously.

Felix doesn't mind the quiet, but he doesn't feel like he quite belongs in it, either. The idea that none of these people (or Slowpokes) have ever known war or violence unsettles him, and his hand itches for the hilt of his real sword, but now that he can spar properly with Dimitri again, it can wait. For now.

When he glances over at Dimitri to make some comment, he recognizes that look in the prince's eye and frowns.]

Hey. Snap out of it. You're the only one who knows where we're going, remember?

[Fortunately, Felix's voice is enough to snap Dimitri out of it this time - perhaps because nothing alarming has happened recently, plus the usual good health choices enforced by Pokemon. Dimitri blinks and looks over to him.]

Oh- Yes. I'm sorry...

[What had got him into such a state? He wishes he knew... But it doesn't matter. Right? Dimitri looks around again just to regain his bearings.]

It should be easy to spot, I was told. There is steam that comes from it... Ah, there.

[He points to a neatly traditional building - traditional for Johto, anyway - that does indeed have the comfy filter of steam leaving from a tall stack emerging from the building.]

There should be a place we can allow our clothes to dry as well... Although Dean can help in any case.

[The pig nods, smiling patiently. He's gotten used to utilizing his fire typing for very mundane nonsense. He even seems to enjoy it.]

Are you feeling all right? We can just go back to the inn if you're tired.

[Dimitri would get like this occasionally on the march to Fhirdiad, too, and Felix never knew what to do about it. He doesn't really expect to get a real answer here, either, but this time around he's determined to at least try to do something.

Felix eyes the building with slight skepticism.] What exactly is this place?

It is called a bath house. You bathe at it. I thought it reminded me a little bit of the sauna that used to be at the school...

[Is it still at Garreg Mach? Did they ever get it fixed up? Dimitri finds that he can't remember... He had never paid attention. He went to the chapel. He waited. He occasionally allowed the Professor to convince him to a battle. He went back to the Chapel, and listened to the dead.]

[The dead never had much to say on things like sauna renovations.]

[As they approach the building more, Dimitri glances down at Dean. The pignite is doing his best to try and adjust the umbrella with one hand, while holding onto Dimitri's shirt with the other.]

And I... feel fine. But sometimes it is - It is difficult to explain. I promise it won't happen again.

[And Felix might not have the patience for his... whatever happens in his mind. Maybe if he just tries...]

[Wait. Bathe? Felix thinks back to what Dimitri said about 'letting their clothes dry, too.' ...oh no. His mouth goes on autopilot for a second:]

Of course you bathe at it if it's called a bath house, what else would you do there?

[Okay, this is fine, actually. They all bathed in the river on the march often enough, this is not strange. And it's not even 'not strange' in the way that sleeping half-naked alone with Sylvain in a tent was 'not strange' because obviously this is different. Right? Yes. Also they're already here, so coming up with some excuse to turn and go all the way back would be stupid.]

...the sauna is still there. And that's what you said the last time I asked you about disappearing into your head like that. ...after Gronder, I mean. Quit giving me excuses. What's going on?

[Oh. Of course he has already done this before - or will do it. Would do it. Dimitri supposes he shouldn't be surprised, and he glances away awkwardly.]

It is... Ah, hold on. We can speak more in a moment.

[Because they're right at the doors, after all, and Dimitri opens the door for Felix and their Pokemon. There's a small counter right there, with an elderly lady already there who looks up from cheap paper book or another - crosswords - and smiles at them.]

[There's the typical small talk that often comes from the elderly, which eventually winds around to if this is their first time in Azalea, if they've been to bath houses before... Just like, eventually, a Slowpoke head winds up on the counter to peer at them with that slow, simple gaze. It takes a little bit of time, which no doubt drives Felix up the wall since he's never been patient in matters like these... ]

[But eventually, with some instructions given and a few things like towels bought, they're sent to the changing area.]

[There's not really a lot of people there in the tiny little locker room area - although tiny is relative, since it's still architecture made with Pokemon in mind. In fact, they're the only ones here at this time of day.]

[That... at least, there isn't an excuse anymore for Dimitri to stay quiet. As Dean shakes what's left of the snow off of the umbrella near the front door, Dimitri goes into the small changing room area and fiddles with the hem of his shirt.]

...About - how I get, sometimes. I do not feel it will make sense.

[Just a small, sheepish and quiet warning.]

[Felix is, in fact, not up for small talk at all, and does not manage to keep from trying to hurry things along multiple times, in progressively aggravated fashion. He also decides that after Azalea, he never wants to see a Slowpoke again.

Finally, though, they're alone in the little locker room, and Felix actually would really like to get into the bath sooner rather than later because he's a) irrationally tense after getting so impatient and annoyed, and b) still cold.]

It probably won't, but I want to hear it anyway. Go on, but don't just stand there. You promised hot water.

[So saying, he starts pulling off his gloves and jacket--and the scarf Sylvain gave him, which he very carefully folds and sets down off to the side, which is more care than he shows literally anything else on his person.]

[Felix isn't the only person taking care with his clothing. Dimitri is just as careful with the maroon sweater he starts to take off, leaving his hair a mess as he pulls it over his head.]

Sometimes I feel - many things. But occasionally I do not... feel as though I am myself.

In a physical sense.

[Felix unbuttons and pulls off his second-layer jacket, too, leaving his sleeveless black undershirt. But here he pauses, listening to Dimitri with a small frown.]

Then who do you feel like? Someone else, or just...not you?

I am still myself, but...

[It's exactly as he thought - this is hard to describe. Dimitri thins his lips, and tries to focus some energy on kneeling down to start undoing his boots.]

It is as though there is my body, and then there is... me.

[Dimitri's movement spurs Felix into removing his own boots, which takes a little more time.]

You're right, that doesn't make much sense. But it does fit what happens. What causes it?

It is not the only thing...

[But they'll be here for a long while if they keep talking about every strange and-or terrible thing that Dimitri's mind does. he tugs off one boot, trying to think back. What did cause it?]

...Sometimes, it felt as though it simply happened, with no rhyme, or reason. But other times...

...You will not like it.

I already don't like it.

[But he has some idea of what Dimitri's going to say, of course, and he fights against the preemptive twisting in his gut by keeping himself busy with his boots and not looking at Dimitri.]

Spit it out.

...During battle.

[Felix is going to despise that, he knows, and Dimitri's shoulders tense as he tries to undo the laces on his other boot. It's hard, fingers clumsier than they should be, but he can't help it.]

[One must always pay attention in battle. He knows that. One must put their all in battle so that they don't become another corpse strewn about on the field. He knows that. But...]

...It did not used to be so bad.

[The answer is exactly what Felix expected it to be, but that doesn't make it claw at his insides any less to hear it.]

Of course. [He can't help spitting those words out, but he bites his tongue to force himself to take a moment before he says anything else. He finishes removing his boots to give himself the excuse, then gives himself another few seconds by standing up to pull his hair free, shake it out with one hand, and pull off his undershirt. Dimitri may notice that he has many more scars than he did the last time Dimitri saw him with his shirt off during training at the academy.

When he speaks again, his tone is much less caustic.]

...it's a wonder you've survived this long, if you've been doing that in battle. Especially wandering around by yourself. From now on, you don't walk onto a battlefield without me to watch your back. Got it?

[Dimitri grimaces. Of course. Without thinking, even considering how nice things were before this, Dimitri's lungs start to tighten and the air leaves his body.]

[Mistake. He's done a mistake. He shouldn't have said anything-]

[A cold nose against one of his hands makes him jolt, and Dimitri blinks down at one of his rats pressing a nose against his hand. Oh. It's okay. He lets out a slow breath, and manages to fumble his boot strings loose. It's okay.]

Yes. I know. It - does not happen all the time.

Good. [He turns to face Dimitri, one hand resting on his hip.] And when it does happen, I'll be there to knock some sense back into you. [A pause.] N. Not literally. Is there something that helps prevent it?

[Finally tugging his other boot off and setting them both to the side, Dimitri blinks a moment at the question.]

I... I have never tried anything. It... had not seemed important.

[Sleep hadn't seemed important. Eating had only barely been classified as important. All that had mattered, that has mattered, was...]

[Dimitri curls a hand along his stomach, a loose fist.]

Hey.

[Felix frowns and sits down close beside Dimitri.]

It is important. Didn't you say Dean and the others have helped? What did they do?

[Feeling Felix willing come to sit besides him... Dimitri's gaze drifts off to the space inbetween, where Felix's hand rests, the curve of his legs. Dimitri is clade in only his pants and socks, right now, with his rats fiddling about with what clothing he'd shed.]

...He would... He was much smaller before. So he would nudge at my ankles, or take my pants or clock in his mouth...

[This is clearly not an issue for Dean now, a Pignite that goes to settle on the opposite side of Dimitri.]

Sometimes he would sit in my lap... That helped, somehow. He was so warm then, too...

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