victory_road | 132nd moon [video]

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132nd moon [video]

[A box of very strong black tea, two large porcelain cups, a bag of coffee grounds and a fancy coffee machine are set on a counter, some distance away. Looks like the Bisharp and the shiny Pangoro that have taken over the Lunar Gym's kitchen have plans for the evening. As gently as possible when one has pointy metal hands, the Bisharp pokes the box and bag in turn, then nods. Satisfied by his choices, the Pangoro turns towards the nearby fridge, opens the door...

...and takes out three whole cans of PokéMonster energy drink, dumping them all in the coffee machine's water reservoir.

At the same, the Bisharp carefully picks two tea bags from the box and sets them in place, before sitting down to wait. And wait. And wait, until the coffee maker finally stops. The resulting dubious liquid is promptly poured into both cups. Somewhere offscreen, someone chokes.

But our intrepid duo is not done! After all, what else is necessary for a good tea? Honey, of course! And milk! And... chocolate sauce... Salsa...? Wait, is that rice vinegar? Orange juice?? Are they even old enough to drink that red wine?

It's only when the Bisharp takes out a bottle of salad dressing and starts squeezing a generous dose in each cup that Cecil finally comments the scene, his voice both awed and horrified:]

Should... Should I stop them, or let nature run its course?

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... I'm gonna be honest. I don't know what either of those are. But that sounds incredibly chaotic, and maybe a bit concerning.

[ She hasn't stopped watching the additional ingredients being gained. It's a nightmare. She can't look away. ]

So you think they're trying to... make the grossest drink? ... God, they sound like college kids or something.

It was. I bought out the whole department store's supply of air freshener, yet the smell lingered for weeks.

[She's stronger than Cecil. He closed his eyes the moment the applesauce came out of its jar.]

Do college kids ceaselessly compete against each other, even in tasks and categories neither are suited for?

Oh wow that is. Horrifying.

[ He may have tainted her view of both pokémon to be honest. And she wouldn't consider it a matter of strength. It's more like a train wreck, or Worst Cooks in America- you don't want to watch but you can't look away. ]

Oh, absolutely. Frat boys especially from what I hear. Some high schoolers my age too, I guess. Especially with things like this.... monstrosity.

Goodness. Though I suppose this means that your world's harvests are plentiful enough for people to potentially waste food on purpose. That's a luxury to be enjoyed, even if the result resembles... this.

[The video shakes, as if the cameraman tried to gesture towards the cups before he remembered he's offscreen.]

I guess? [ she's 15, man, she doens't know- ] I always attributed it to foolish people being foolish. Not like it impacts them much, after all.

Or, you know, they're getting paid for it, because schadenfreude is profitable, but I don't think this is the case here.

Thankfully, there's no money involved in this. They're merely very competitive, yet have run out of normal competition. If someone offered money to the winner, they might even feel insulted.

What a strange, intense honor code.

[ Can't relate. Money is money. ]

It's not that strange; if they ever need funds, my Persian can give them coins with Pay Day. Why would they tarnish their rivalry with a tangible reward that is otherwise unless to them?

You got me there. I just... I dunno, I grew up where if there was an opportunity to gain, you took it regardless. I forget that not everyone's the same.

... Is that peanut butter? Does this quality as a liquid anymore.

That's-

[Wait, is it? Yes, yes it is, and no, no it doesn't. Cecil sighs.]

...Cosmos have mercy. Even if their "drink" gets past their tastebuds, they'll surely choke on it.

... Maybe it's time to step in?

That would be an excellent idea, in most situations, but when these two get started... If I do not allow them to learn from this mistake, one way or the other, I'll have to keep both the home fridge and the Gym fridge under lock until they've gotten this out of their system.

I'm so glad that other than the mystery birds, my pokémon haven't done anything like this...

Good luck, man. Cause, yikes.

The more Pokémon you catch, the more likely you are to meet some odder specimen. What are those mystery birds of yours?

[And can they top the undying rivals, the conspiracy theorist, the health nut, the frail Psychic-type that thinks he's a shonen hero...]

I'll need it, thank you. If only to look at tea again without feeling nauseated.

On Sunday night, I woke up to find a rowlet and a hoothoot in my room. Neither my companion nor I let them in or previously caught any, the doors and windows were all closed and locked, and there was no sign of damage in any of the walls. They were just... there. I still don't know where they came from, but they're pretty dead-set on staying.

Look, this isn't tea. Or coffee. This is an unholy abomination. Doesn't count, never did.

...Twice a year, there would be an almost completely acceptable explanation for that, but last Sunday? None I can think of. And as far as I know, while Hoothoot does learn certain Psychic-type moves, Teleport is not on that list...

[It's a mystery! A genuine mystery!]

Surprisingly, thinking about it that way makes me feel much better about this... whatever it's become. Thank you.

They refuse to elaborate when questioned. They just get smug. But I figure I might as well take 'em... lest I risk them doing it even more, and bringing more friends or something.

[ It's a good thing the owls are in their pokéballs right now because she's had enough of their smug hooting. Still, she sounds cheerful for her next few words. ]

Not a problem!

That would be a problem, yes. Less unpleasant than if they were Zubats, perhaps, but still far worse than dealing with some smugness.

[It also makes pokéballs an option in the first place, which is nice.]

... Zubats? Why does that sound. Bad.

[ oh bless her, she has no idea. none. ]

[On the one hand, such innocence deserves to be preserved! On the other hand, not warning people about Zubat should be a crime.]

That sounds bad because they are fast, they are many, and they are Poison-types. A lovely combination when exploring a cave!

[ Thank you good sir for not sending her in blind. ]

I mean- I do like bats, but that sounds... [ a pause. ] Really, really unpleasant. I know what I'm using that repel stuff on...

A wise choice. Their one quality over the bats from my homeworld is that they rarely attack three at a time.

[A lousy quality, yet one that is very appreciated.]

What sort of bats were you dealing with!?

Monsters that feast upon careless travelers. That describes a great part of my home's wildlife, in truth.

[ Softly, but with feeling; ] What the fuck.

Yeah, no, bats in my world are like. Not even 5 pounds-- and you have to deal with all of that?! At least the things here just want to spar.

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