Audio Post

[thedifferencebetween]

[It's a jovial, confident voice that comes over the gear. No video, only a voice.]

Hey kids, Handsome Jack here! I know, I know. 'Who the fuck is Handsome Jack, and why haven't I heard of him before?'. Oh, you poor people. You are really living in the dark ages. It is one hell of a good story, trust me. Brave awesome hero, galaxies in peril, lots of guns and explosions, betrayal, hot chicks in tight leather.... All that good stuff. Maybe I'll tell you some time. It's...oh, it's just so good.

[Because while this is just a temporary stop-over, that doesn't mean Jack is going to waste his time here. This backwards shit-hole of a planet's covered in animals he's never seen, full of items and energy sources he's not familiar with, and legends and folklore abounds. He's hardly been here a day and now that the shock of his situation has passed he can already see that this place offers countless opportunities for a brilliant mind like his.]

[It's all part of how it goes. The hero is seemingly beaten. Disgraced, slandered. All the best heroic tales have this bit. The bit before the hero's triumphant return, bigger and even better, to strangle the life out of the murdering bastard scum that stole everything from him.]

[Being broke is a bit of a problem, but it won't be for long. Jack knows money. He knows how to make it his, how to make it work for him. He's already in a prime position to get started. As if he needs any more proof that the universe itself loves him.]

But right now, I've got a burning question for all you...whatever you are. Help me out here.

Who are the bigwigs, and where do I find'em?

Comments

Audio

[crouching_sin]

No one cares about your story.

[Anyway.]

The Pokemon League, presumably. But as for finding them, you can't. They won't talk to any of us.

[thedifferencebetween]

Aw, you just say that 'cause you haven't heard it yet.

Mm. We'll see. Who the fuck are the Pokemon League?

[crouching_sin]

I've heard a lot of stories. I doubt yours is interesting.

And they're in charge of the gym leaders here, who give out badges to worthy trainers, and it's about the closest to any sort of organized system that spans more than a town, other than the police.

[thedifferencebetween]

See my previous point.

See, now we're getting somewhere. Gym leaders. Those are the guys we beat up to get stronger fucked up lab experiments.

[crouching_sin]

You don't have to, but your Pokemon do tend to get more experience from battling against other trainers than beating up random wildlife.

Audio

[dashdash]

[Yeah, who the fuck is Handsome Jack? But here's a guy who sounds like he knows what he's doing: he wastes no time striking the top. Mafuyu can appreciate someone with that level of confidence in himself and would have turned the same direction if she had any interest in expanding control, but more importantly!!]

Me! I want to hear your story!! Teach me!

[The whole hero thing, but more importantly, how to pick up girls who she's imagining hang off his arms 24/7]

Audio

[thedifferencebetween]

[Now this? This is the reaction Jack's expecting.]

Oh you're a spunky one, aren't you? That's cute. I like that.

What's your name, sweetheart?

[dashdash]

[Spunky is a compliment, right? Cute is a compliment! She can't believe she's being praised-- two seconds in, and he already knows exactly what buttons to push.] I'm Mafuyu! Mafuyu Kurosaki! [Not as cool a name as Handsome Jack, but that can be fixed] You can call me the fancy and adorable Mafuyu-chan!

[thedifferencebetween]

What makes you fancy?

[His voice stays jovial. Friendly. It's important to make connections. And he's not about to alienate a budding fan.]

You from around here? Maybe you can give me the deets. Cause I gotta say, this whole crazy set up sounds like a hell of a lot of bullshit. I mean I'm an open minded guy, I've seen some stuff you wouldn't believe. But this? This is the most ass backwards kidnapping I've ever seen.

[dashdash]

Uh.

[Fancy just sounded like a cool thing to call herself, but she never gave it much thought.] My hair, I guess? [It's... sort of fancy...? A weird sort of silver after she tried dyeing her hair back from when it was bleached blonde, but he can't see it anyways so that's besides the point.]

But nah, I just got here too! Looks like a bunch of us did. But I dunno if it's a kidnapping? My hands and feet weren't bound, and there were no guards in that house. Got outside alright without anybody jumping me with a knife or anything.

[video]

[no_ufo_ending]

I haven't actually seen much of the government, but the people I've seen taking action the most are the Kangaskhan Police Force. The Pokemon Center should be able to tell you where the nearest posts are.

_{[A thoughtful silence.]}

Or that weird Llama that showed up while we were on the moon but...I'm not sure that really happened.

Audio

[thedifferencebetween]

....

......a moon llama?

Yeah, I think I'll try the police force. They sound, you know. Real.

Audio

[no_ufo_ending]

_{[A sigh.]}

I don't blame you.

Audio

[thedifferencebetween]

At least you've got some brain cells.

Audio

[no_ufo_ending]

Thanks?

_{[It doesn't sound like a compliment at all but it comes out before Henry can stop himself.]}

[Video]

[codeforhope]

[An audio post...it's an interesting choice for a first introduction, that's for sure. And from the sound of it, he's...quite the character. He'd usually be the last to respond to something like this, but having been here for as long as he has...well.

You meet your share of characters. And since he's been missing a lot of friends lately, it would do to get himself out there a bit more again.

So...here we go, then...might as well stick to video himself, since that's the polite thing to do.]

I have been here for a few years now, so I can try to answer any questions you might have, but...um...

...what do you mean by bigwigs, exactly?

Audio

[thedifferencebetween]

[What is with everyone using video posts, like a bunch of teenage ECHOnet vloggers? Is he honestly surrounded by teenagers?]

[Almost a worse hell than Pandora.]

The bigwigs. The bossmen. The guys with the money and fancy titles and garages full of expensive cars. All that stuff. The people in charge. Or at least with enough money that they might as well be in charge.

Audio

[codeforhope]

[The better question is, why do you feel the need to be Audio strictly, good sir...]

I...do you mean like Pokemon Professors? I'm not sure I would say they are in charge, exactly, but they do have a lot of authority when it comes to certain matters...

[Pokemon world doesn't have any real sort of government that he's aware of, per say, so he's not sure what else to tell Jack unfortunately.]

If you don't mind me asking...why do you need to know about them?

Audio

[thedifferencebetween]

I have no idea what I mean, I don't know a god damned thing about this planet. Which is why I'm asking.

Oh for the...so I can pay them a visit, offer my respects, one person of means to another. It's polite. It's how civilized people do things.

[And also he needs to know who he's gotta blackmail.]

Audio

[codeforhope]

I...I suppose...

[Geeze. Chihiro takes a breath, lifting a hand to brush a lock of hair behind his ears.]

Well, I would start there, then. If you still aren't sure, you can ask them when you see them.

[manlycharms]

[Confident, isn't he? Well, Ringabel can't help but admire such charisma. Indeed, if the tales he tells are true, then he must have lived a fascinating life! Adventure. Heroics! Perhaps a dash of romance? He did mention women...

Well, at any rate, this seems worthy of his attention, and before responding, he's quick to whip out his journal for some necessary note-taking.]

My, seems you've had quite the adventure. Unfortunately, tales of your escapades are rather lacking on Luxendarc, though I imagine the distance between our worlds is to blame.

Now, I'd love to hear more, but it would be rude of me to ignore your request. So! As far as authorities are concerned, there are a few of note. Gym Leaders, the local police, and the aforementioned Pokémon League. I've heard of a criminal organization as well, though I regret that my knowledge is a bit lacking.

[This is a lie, of course. In truth, he's a reluctant member, but it's best if he keeps up appearances.]

[thedifferencebetween]

What, you guys don't get the ECHOnet out there? My life's nothing but an adventure. I'm a hero, it's what we do.

Gym Leaders and the police and the mysterious League. Sure, this sounds like a totally efficient and practical way to run a planet.

[Except not at all. Wow. Wow this place needs his help. No wonder he's ended up here.]

[manlycharms]

I'm afraid not. In fact, networks such of this are simply unheard of, and our communications are restricted to letters and messages by wire.

[Yet they somehow have airships, working robots, and a great deal of medical technology in Eternia. It's an odd contrast, he'll admit.]

Honestly, I'm as surprised as you. During my previous stay, I saw very little in terms of law enforcement and political stability, yet this world exists in a state of peaceful equilibrium.

[thedifferencebetween]

Holy shit, you are a backwater planet! How do you not kill yourself like...every day?

[Ignoring the utter impossibility of actually doing so.]

That...doesn't make sense. Everybody has their own personal army of monsters. The entire law enforcement section seems to be a bunch of hot chick clones. There's no...no mayors, no governors, no presidents. Everybody should be stepping over the corpses in the street.

What is this place?

[manlycharms]

Rather a bit extreme, wouldn't you say? For one, one cannot mourn the absence of something they don't even know about. More importantly, our world is full of treacherous dungeons, fearsome beasts, magic, and more! What we lack in communications, we make up for in adventure.

[...]

And political and religious turmoil stemming around magic crystals, but I suppose that can't be avoided.

[Shaking his head, he opts to shift the subject to more relevant matters.]

I've seen a few male officers, but the Jennies by far outnumber them. Not that I'm personally complaining, but while they seem adept for fending off petty criminals, their efforts against Team Rocket have been sorely lacking.