I want to Beheeyemlieve

[indigo_league]

Who: All affected!
Where: Inside a dream, a memory.
When: Halloween night!
Summary: Log for the 2021 Beheeyem Halloween event
Rating: Many of these memories may involve experiences that could be distressing. Please make sure to read the individual CWs for each top level. Also, make sure to tag your own top levels accordingly.

For question, please refer back to our earlier FAQ post.

Comments

sorry for the shitshow this is about to be dkfjgdsf

[bestswordmaster]

You are sitting in front of an enormous, roaring fireplace in a plush, comfortable armchair that seems too big for you. You are much smaller than you're used to - about 4'10", maybe. Despite the heat of the fire, you can feel that outside this bubble of warmth, the air is cold.

You are staring at a suit of light plate armor that looks like it was just dragged out of the fire after being dented and punctured many times, mounted on a stand. There are tears in your eyes and staining your cheeks. You feel lightheaded, like you've been crying without interruption for hours, or even days.

And an adult Felix is standing on the side of the fireplace opposite the suit of armor. He's not looking at it, though; he's glaring at you.

"You, too? What the fuck. I'm not sitting through this a third time."

[rollstoseduce]

It's not hard to guess what's happened here. Jaskier doesn't have enough information to know exactly who died, but someone did, and that someone was dear to Felix. Speaking of the devil... gosh, look at his face. Jaskier isn't an expert at reading Felix yet, but there are enough emotions in those brown eyes to get a general idea of how fucked up the current situation is.

A third time, he says. Fuck indeed. Jaskier wouldn't have wanted people to find his childhood memories repeatedly either.

"I'm sorry, Felix."

And he means it. Sorry for what, though? For being here? For his loss? A little bit of both, to be honest. Perhaps he's also sorry about what he's about to say, but there's no other way to advance the memory than poking at it.

"Shouldn't it be buried with the warrior that wore it?" he asks as he looks at the armor, curiosity getting the best out of him.

[bestswordmaster]

"What part of I'm not sitting through this again didn't you understand?" Felix snaps, but as soon as the words are out of his mouth he rubs his face with both hands and sighs heavily.

"It should. But there wasn't enough left of my brother's body to bury. So my old man decided to put this on display instead." Disdain drips from the words, although it's tempered by just how tired he feels, having gone through this and other memories so many times already.

[rollstoseduce]

Jaskier rolls his eyes at the snapping, ready to tell him they have no choice but to go through this if they want to end it, but then Felix calms down and shares. So the least he can do is listen.

There wasn't enough left of my brother's body to bury. Ah. Jaskier can't help wincing, both at the description of not enough left and Felix's father's decision. It's not unheard of to display the sword of a hero, perhaps even their helmet, so armor shouldn't be that crazy to follow... but the way he chose to do it certainly leaves much to be desired.

"I'm sorry," he repeats, because really, what else can he say? Felix won't appreciate some purple-prosey words about the end of a life and the philosophy about it, and this is one of those circumstances where Jaskier won't blame him for it. In fact, his eyes are filled with pity. Sorry, Felix. "Is he forcing me -you!- to stay here and watch, too?"

He raises his hand to wipe the tears he showed up here with, not surprised to find them there.

[bestswordmaster]

"Stop apologizing." Fortunately, Felix isn't looking at his younger self - at you - and doesn't see the pity there in your face. He shakes his head. "No. I came here on my own. I must have been sitting here for at least an hour or two by this point. He's about to come in and make everything worse."

[rollstoseduce]

He's about to come in and make everything worse.

"What?"

Jaskier suddenly feels like he's in his own memory, fearing to be found by his father doing something he shouldn't. He's tense, and nervous, and while he would usually be curious about his friends' pasts, this is putting him on the spot of his own issues.

They cannot be the same about this. Gods, please don't let it be this.

"Felix - why would your bloody father make things worse? Is he not grieving too?"

[bestswordmaster]

Jaskier's reaction startles Felix a little, prompting him to look back at his younger self, brows raised. What's he so riled up for already? He doesn't even know what Felix meant by that.

"He's--"

He cuts himself off, though, when footsteps approach from the hall. Felix turns toward the door again, but more reluctantly this time; he cannot believe he has to go through all this again.

The man who appears in the doorway, Rodrigue Fraldarius, looks so strikingly like his son that it would be nigh impossible to mistake them for anything but close family.

Right now, he looks like he hasn't slept in days. Nonetheless, he finds a tired smile for you and comes over to place a hand lightly on top of your head. "Felix. You should be asleep."

[rollstoseduce]

The resemblance is uncanny, and Jaskier can't help wonder if Felix's family was the kind to marry cousins to keep the blood clean and pure or some other bullshit excuse like that. The man looks tired as fuck, and he's gentle when he approaches him - Jaskier would appreciate the attempt to smile and worry about his son if Felix hadn't told him things are about to get worse.

This is so confusing. This is also why noble life sucks.

"So should you," Jaskier replies without thinking. "His armor shouldn't be here either."

[bestswordmaster]

Rodrigue chuckles softly, even as his eyes tighten a little. He pulls another nearby chair closer to sit just beside you. "Perhaps I should," he admits. "But there's so much left to do for...for the funeral." The look on his face says that he probably wouldn't be able to sleep anyway even if he tried.

The adult Felix leans his head back against the wall, just listening to this conversation happen yet again. Rodrigue seems to ignore the bit about the armor for now, as though the memory just skipped over your having said it at all. "Tell him that again in a moment," Felix says without lifting or turning his head.

"Felix..." Rodrigue reaches over to place his hand atop yours on the arm of the chair. "There will be quite a bit for you to do, as well, in the coming days. I know you can be strong, but even the strongest of us needs his rest." His eyes stray from yours, into the fire.