victory_road | Arrival; [Video]

That was Felix's vow, too: that he would make Sylvain feel safe enough to be whoever he wanted to be. No 'maybe' about it. A promise just as sacred as the one they made as children. Peace may not be permanent, but some things are more important than war.

It's Felix's turn to gaze with slightly widened eyes into the camera. Sylvain had wanted to ask him? Here in Johto, it had been the other way around...but then, at the time, Sylvain was mired in the bleakest part of the war. Now he's seen their victory. It makes sense. And it makes him smile again.

The question dims his smile a bit with apprehension, but at this point he's said enough that it would be worse than pointless to conceal the rest. Not to mention it would end up eating at Felix and pissing him off to keep it quiet, the longer he sat here.

"I hadn't. But you're not the only one who wants that, you know. Besides..." He drops his gaze for a moment, but steels himself and lifts it back to Sylvain before he goes on. "Sylvain, this isn't the first time you've been here. The force that brings us here sometimes sends us home, too. And sometimes when we go home, we forget. When I first arrived, you were the one who came to pick me up. You answered all these questions for me."

Ah, the smile is back. He's not even aware of it. Stupid easily readable face. Stupid mushy feelings.

Sylvain doesn't want to tell another person they're wrong. He hates confrontation, he hates arguing. But what hurts more is finding implications where they're not explicitly mentioned. But he's not as stupid as he likes to appear. Sylvain can feel them, those accusations nobody ever means, but their words imply anyway. And how can Felix smile at him when Sylvain feels like he wants curl up and die?

'-you were the one who came to pick me up. You answered all these questions for me.'

And now Felix is here, doing this for him. It means-

I left. I abandoned you.

Like any good actor, Sylvain forces a smile, and swallows down the bitter bile rising in his throat. Felix is smiling. Sylvain should appreciate that. He hasn't seen one of those in a very long time. His own feelings be damned, he can't ruin one more thing or he feels like he'll shatter. Maybe he can do this gently.

"Felix, doesn't that sound silly? How could I be here and helping us win a war at the same time? I think maybe those warps are making you a little delirious." There. That's... gentle, right?

Edited 2021-12-11 00:07 (UTC)

Felix knows something is wrong as soon as Sylvain smiles. It's not real. It's that horrible fake smile that he loathes. It's somehow ten times worse than it used to be, because he got so used to Sylvain smiling for *real.*

His own smile vanishes immediately, replaced with a disbelieving scowl.

"Don't do that. Don't smile when you don't mean it. You know I despise it." Shit. Fuck. He cannot believe that after all this time, Sylvain is finally back, and within an hour Felix is already snapping at him. What is wrong with him? Why does this always happen?

But Felix is not a patient man, and he's never been half as good at controlling his emotions as he used to think he was. He can't have fucked this up already. He hasn't even gotten to the most important part. Beneath the level where the camera can see it, his left hand clenches into a fist. He can feel the ring digging into his finger. He tries to calm down, taking a breath or two before he replies.

"I told you. Nothing progresses at home while we're here. When we go back, it's exactly the same time and place as when we left. I'm not delirious. You can't tell me you have no idea what's going on and then tell me I'm wrong."

If nothing else, Sylvain is obedient. He drops the mask, and it's an immediate change. The brightness in his normally soft eyes dims, and he can't quite meet Felix's gaze. His expression is painfully neutral for a moment, and then it is a sad, horrible extension of all the inner cynicism he hides from most people.

"I'm sorry."

He means it. He is. He's sorry for so much he doesn't even know he did or didn't do. Because apparently he's been here, and apparently he's left.

Sylvain doesn't know what to say besides that though. What can he? Felix is right, he doesn't know what's going on. He only has bits and pieces of a story, and he's filling in the gaps with expectations of his poor behavior. To him, it makes sense to. The obvious answer is often the right one.

"I'm so sorry."

Felix’s scowl fades into bewilderment. “What do you mean, you’re sorry? Why are you apologizing?”

The first apology, he’d thought was just for pretending. But the second one is clearly something else. He can’t be apologizing for answering Felix’s questions…oh. His brow furrows.

“Sylvain, tell me you’re not taking the blame for leaving this world. That’s utterly foolish. We have no control over any of this. Who stays, who leaves, who remembers or forgets - it’s all out of our hands. I hate it, but so far we’ve found no way to change it. It is what it is. There’s nothing you could possibly have done differently.” A pause, as he studies Sylvain’s face. “Do you understand?”

Sylvain keeps his gaze cast down, and finds Bonnie looking up at him too. Why does she have to look so sad? She didn't do anything wrong, but her ears pin back like a guilty verdict just came down on her. Sylvain tries to soothe her by running his fingers through the fiery mane, and remains quiet for awhile.

If Felix is asking, then he probably knows the answer. He obviously wouldn't have brought it up if it hadn't crossed him. Shame burns him, and his jaw forms a tense line where he's fighting back saying anything stupid. Or more stupid than he already has.

Finally, Sylvain takes a deep breath, and shakes his head.

"I don't, but that's not really what matters. I just want you to know that whatever happened, I didn't mean to leave you behind."

Felix watches Sylvain but says nothing else, just waiting for an answer. When it comes, it feels like the words have kindled a hearthfire somewhere inside him and it's warming him from the inside. So many people have left Felix behind in his life - almost everyone he's ever cared about - but never Sylvain.

He smiles again; his eyes are soft. Softer than Sylvain can probably remember ever seeing him since they were children. There's nothing reluctant or grudging about his reply - it's just sincere. "I know. You never would."

Felix lays his head back down on his arm, looking at the screen sideways again. "I don't want to talk about what things were like when you weren't here. You're here now, and I'm grateful. That's what matters most."

"You really aren't upset with me?" It's less a question, and more a wide-eyed wonder. Felix looks softer and happier than he can remember ever seeing him in the past decade or so. He feels stupid for even asking: Felix would just say if he was mad, hell, Sylvain feels like he'd be able to feel the anger even through the screen. But of course logic is easy to suggest, and so much harder to execute. The painful notion that somehow this is entirely his fault is hard to sway.

So when Felix suggests they talk about things that will be, instead of things that were, Sylvain feels a little tug of a smile at the corners of his lips. The guilt isn't gone, he doubts it will be for awhile, but at the very least Sylvain's the only one blaming himself.

"Thanks, Fe. Sorry to get so down on you like that. Just, y'know, overthinking it I suppose."

Soft or not, Felix rolls his eyes, though his tone is mildly exasperated rather than annoyed. "Do you think my answer will change if you keep asking?"

He suppresses the urge to lift his hand and touch the screen, as though he could somehow touch Sylvain over the distance through it. Then he silently chides himself for all this beating around the bush. He would hate it if Sylvain did it to him.

But he stumbles again over how to say it. Then again...Sylvain has given him a few decent openings...sort of.

"Mm. You asked how I knew what you wanted to do after the war. It's because you and I talked about it here." Oh, there goes his heart pounding again. Goddess, just spit it out, Fraldarius.

"We...talked about a lot of important things." His eyes stray from the screen a bit as he sort of changes the subject without changing it at all. "I may have told you today to convince me to say yes, but the truth is, you already have."

"Maybe," Sylvain mutters, but it's more a stage whisper than actually trying to keep it from Felix.

Again, he's shocked to find out somehow he's managed to not utterly fuck this up when Felix says he's gotten some of those flirting attempts to work. Though 'important things' is a little vague. It's probably about the future of their territories, he figures. Less pressing than the fact Felix actually accepted a date with him.

"Told you it'd work one day," he tries to tease. It's mild considering his usual boisterous insistence, but it's not as shame-riddled and guilt-laden as he'd been a few minutes ago. Progress.

"Tell me you liked it at least. Not nearly as bad as you used to say it'd be, right?"

Little does Sylvain know that it wasn't actually the flirting at all that did it. Not that it matters now, of course.

"I liked it enough to do it many more times."

Sylvain blinks.

"Seriously?" He actually cracks a decent smile. "Ha, you really like me, huh?"

Felix shrugs, though he can’t keep the hint of a smile off his face completely. “I might. And yes, seriously. I don’t joke.”

"Embarrassing for you," Sylvain quips, like he isn't burning himself. What's a little self-deprecation between friends after all? "But hey, guess it works since I like you too."

His smile is starting to return to something proper, genuine even. Again, it's just this kind of talking with Felix, something akin to banter, that sets him at ease. It's familiar. "Thanks for sticking around with me, Fe."

Felix rolls his eyes at the self-deprecation; his feelings for Sylvain are one of the few things he doesn't get embarrassed about anymore, not after everything.

"Hmph. Don't thank me as though I'm going out of my way. ...sticking together was what we promised, remember?"

He swallows. He's getting the feeling that Sylvain isn't taking this talk of going on dates seriously enough. Does he understand what Felix is really saying, or is he just assuming they've been eating meals together more often or something?

He wants to just come out and say it. He also doesn't at all want to do that. What if Sylvain spooks and hangs up? What if he wants time away like the first time? Then he mentally kicks himself for being just as stupid about this now as he was before. What's more important, your pride or Sylvain? The answer is always the same.

"...Sylvain." His voice is softer now. "I don't just 'like' you. Last time you were here, we were...together."

He can't help a bit of red creeping up into his cheeks.

Sylvain tilts his head. His eyes narrow in a mix of confusion and suspicion. Is Felix trying to joke? Emphasis on try, because Sylvain doubts the man could joke even if he wanted to. And Sylvain's sure he'd never want to...

So that leaves-

Oh.

Oh.

Sylvain isn't sure if he blanches or blushes. His cheeks immediately heat, but his palms go cold and clamy. His whole body feels like it lurches to a stop. Nothing seems to work: not his mind, his mouth, anything.

Together?

It should be such a dream come true; Sylvain's been utterly in love with Felix since they were young teenagers. He's thought the scenario out a hundred times, too. He should be prepared for this-

Yet being on this end of the confession was never part of the plan. It was always easier to imagine himself confessing, and most certainly being shot down. Because how else could it go? Felix wasn't supposed to like him. Felix was strong and courageous, dedicated and forward. And Sylvain was none of those things. Why would he ever want-

Except that's just it. Felix wouldn't say something like that if he didn't mean it.

"I- I, um..." Where's all that smooth, silver-tongued confidence he's always relied on? Why is it suddenly so hard to spit it out? How can it fail him now when he needs it most?

"Okay." No. No, no, no-

"No, what I mean is I... I'm really happy to hear that. More than just happy, I'm elated. I know it may not seem it. I think I'm just in shock right now." Sylvain drags a hand down his face to try to knock himself out of the haze of disbelief. It seems to work. He suddenly brightens as it all hits him. Felix like likes him.

"Together. Saints, Felix, I'm over the moon- you and me. Us." Now that he has the words finally come out there's too many to string proper sentences together. Sylvain really can't win here. So he settles for probably the most genuine smile of his life.

Felix's eyes are glued to the screen; he doesn't dare to blink. While Sylvain's...thinking, or whatever it is he's doing in silence, Felix is frantically trying to come up with ways to do damage control in case this goes horribly wrong, but this isn't a battlefield and nothing is coming to mind.

So when Sylvain flushes red and starts stammering, Felix lifts his head up again and stays very still, feeling like he's aiming an arrow at a deer in the woods and waiting to see whether it will flee. And then Sylvain says: 'Okay.'

Okay? What the hell kind of response is that? This was a mistake. That was clearly an 'I'm trying to figure out how to let you down easy' response, or an 'I can't handle this' response, or...something. Something not good. Felix's face quickly falls from attentive to an oncoming storm. He doesn't even know what the words are that are about to come out of his mouth--

But then Sylvain goes on, and Felix remembers what his reaction was the first time when they eventually got this far, and--okay, so he shouldn't be surprised about the shock, he supposes, and the storm dissolves as quickly as it started. Still, he's impatient to get past this part!

Fortunately, he doesn't have long to wait. Sylvain gives him one of those smiles that's like the sun coming up, and given how the last four months of Felix's life have gone, it really does feel like the dawn that comes after the darkest night. Which is sappy as hell and he's annoyed with himself for having thought it, but only a little bit.

Mostly he's too busy trying his best not to completely lose his composure and melt into a stupid puddle of mushy goo. He feels like he's already halfway there, and he's positive whatever face he's making is ridiculous and embarrassing, but it's hard to care much when he gets to see Sylvain this happy again.

"...good." He thinks he should probably say more than that, but he has trouble with words at the best of times.

The heat on his cheeks refuses to dissipate, and his heart keeps doing this silly thing where it won't stop pitter-pattering. He actually has to lean back and take a deep breath. Except he ends up exhaling it as a giddy sound.

"Y'know, I never thought I'd get the chance to actually go out with somebody I liked. Let alone the Felix Fraldarius, mister-relationships-are-pointless-distractions himself. My best friend..." Sylvain smiles to himself.

"You gotta get here sooner, Fe. You can't tell me we get to be an item and not even be here for me to sweep you off your feet."

Now Felix's face is getting red, too, and he's aware that it's silly because he's obviously heard much more intimate and mushy things from Sylvain before, but...there's something uniquely exciting about this strange situation. Sylvain's gleeful enthusiasm is highly contagious, apparently, but it's also embarrassing to be on the receiving end of it for the first time in months. He'd almost forgotten what it was like, this feeling of...hope and contentment, that even then he wasn't always entirely sure what to do with.

He averts his eyes from the screen, even as he can't banish his small, pleased smile. "All right, that's enough of that. I'm going as fast as I can. So we'll see who's sweeping who in a few hours."

***

Felix ends up falling asleep and taking a nap for most of those hours, once the conversation meanders on from there. By the time he wakes up again, all of the side effects of warping so much are gone, and the sun is steadily sinking toward the horizon. Eventually, he recognizes the far end of Route 29 and urges Foudroyant to skim closer to the ground. His pulse is racing again, but this time it feels like the rush of adrenaline right before he charges into battle, all forward motion and certainty.

It's not hard to spot that bright mop of red hair, more brilliant than the sunset or the warmest hearthfire - at least, to Felix's eyes, and he's starting to think he's been hanging around Dimitri too long if he's thinking things like that - and before he can think much more about it, the Vikavolt is landing some ten feet away from Sylvain and Felix leaps down from its back.

He let's Felix sleep, curling up with Bonnie in the tree roots. He's got too many racing thoughts and wild emotions to sleep for himself, but watching over Felix's rest works out. It reminds him a bit of their march to the monastery for their then uncertain reunion. Taking watches from their tent out in the woods, and the quiet of the other's sleeping presence.

Sylvain ends up losing track of time. He eats a fraction of the food Dimitri ordered for him, and reads through the manuals in his bag. And before long Felix is actually here, and not just through a screen.

Sylvain waves up at him and the Vikavolt. Beside him, Bonnie rears up and prances on her hooves. The redhead ended up telling her stories about his and Felix's antics while they waited. So she seems excited to meet him and giant insect.

Not as excited as Sylvain though.

He catches Felix in a sweeping embrace after he's barely touched the ground. Sylvain debated playing it cool, just letting Felix approach. But that plan immediately vanished the second he saw him. Replaced with excitement, dragging Felix off his feet in a tight hug felt like a much better choice.

"Hey you," he gusts out against Felix's shoulder, all affection in his voice.

Felix doesn't even get five steps before those familiar arms are closing around him, and for once he has zero qualms about it - he returns the embrace eagerly, even hops up a little so he can wrap his legs around Sylvain's waist, too. He's warm and solid and real, and Felix clutches him close.

"Sylvain." It's more sigh than word, really, and it feels like months' worth of tension leaves his body all at once. He knew that he's always felt safest with Sylvain, but it's never been driven so viscerally home for him before just how strong that feeling is.

Forgetting for a moment that Sylvain doesn't remember any of their previous intimacy, Felix turns his head to bury his face in that gorgeous red hair and inhale deeply. "...hi."

Oh, Felix shouldn't be allowed to fit so perfectly against Sylvain like this. It leaves his face burning up to his ears as he realizes it, holding Felix tight. He doesn't fight the squeeze of his thighs around his waist, but struggles with where to put his hands at first. Is he allowed to hold him up? Is that too much, too soon? He hasn't any idea how far they'd gone before.

He settles for a hand at the small of Felix's back, supporting his weight a little better. The other rubs soothing circles between his shoulder blades. Keeping his legs astride to keep them both securely up, he then tilts his head to nose against Felix's neck. Warm, familiar affection washes over him. Deeper though, just like how he's daydreamed of. Maybe it'll hide the blush too.

"Mm, I know it's been a lot longer for you, but somehow I missed you too."

Felix doesn't notice Sylvain's mini-crisis over where to put his hands; if he did, he might have just moved them to hold him up himself. Instead, he's busy having his own mini-crisis because he desperately wants to kiss Sylvain, but...from the other man's perspective, it would be their first kiss, and he doesn't want to rush it like that.

He closes his eyes for a moment just to feel things. The tickling of hair against his face, the nuzzling into his neck, the strong hands on his back. He never wants to let go.

"It's the screen," he mumbles into Sylvain's hair. "Seeing you in the screen but not being able to touch you. It makes it worse."

Sylvain will probably notice at some point that Felix isn't dressed in his traveling outfit from Fodlan, but in more modern Johto-style clothes. Still, they're clearly reminiscent of his preferred style.

Not letting go is fine by Sylvain. Seems they're both making up for lost time in some way. Sylvain's years of pining all coming to fruition makes him want to hold fast to it.

If he does notice Felix's clothes, it's mostly that somehow they're still so similar. Something about that is terribly appropriate. In the same way that Felix still smells the same too. All pleasantly familiar.

"Hey, I'm gonna set us down. Not letting go," he mutters against Felix's neck, and carefully takes a knee. The other's weight is hardly an issue, but Goddess knows he's exhausted on all fronts. He never did get a chance to rest after the battle for the Imperial Palace. He utterly refuses to budge on putting Felix down still. So he ends up sitting with Felix folded into his lap, and stroking his back.

"Y'know, I really wish I'd done this sooner. Like how you fit against me."

"Okay."

Felix doesn't even move, nor does he question why Sylvain seems so content to stay like this even though he must have only just seen Felix right before he came here. He knows that eventually, they'll have to separate; Dimitri will show up at some point, and he has to let Inda out of her ball, and introduce the other Pokemon...eventually, Claude or Grant will probably call to see how things are going, or Dimitri will call them first...eventually, they'll have to break this little bubble they've made.

But eventually isn't now.

"Heh. I doubt I would have gone for it during the war." During the war, he says, as if it's over. It isn't, not for him, but he's been away from it for a year - it might as well be. "Though I suppose it's possible. After all, it only took us a week the first time around to figure this out."

A week and some dumb bullshit, but whatever.

After a minute or so, Felix does pull back from the embrace, but only far enough to shift to his knees, straddling Sylvain's thighs, and take the man's face in both hands. Sylvain looks a little different from the last time Felix saw him - his hair is shorter, his eyes are more tired, his hands more callused. Felix doesn't care, but he does wish he could fast forward to the part where Sylvain gets enough sleep for once. None of them ever got enough sleep on the march.

...dammit, now he really wants to kiss Sylvain.

"I want to kiss you. But I don't want to rush you. I can wait if you want to take it slow." He generally hates waiting for anything, but something this important is worth it.

maybe claude told him like...just before this? idk XD what even is continuity

yeahhh hes having that argument with claude

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