victory_road | Arrival; [Video]

If nothing else, Sylvain is obedient. He drops the mask, and it's an immediate change. The brightness in his normally soft eyes dims, and he can't quite meet Felix's gaze. His expression is painfully neutral for a moment, and then it is a sad, horrible extension of all the inner cynicism he hides from most people.

"I'm sorry."

He means it. He is. He's sorry for so much he doesn't even know he did or didn't do. Because apparently he's been here, and apparently he's left.

Sylvain doesn't know what to say besides that though. What can he? Felix is right, he doesn't know what's going on. He only has bits and pieces of a story, and he's filling in the gaps with expectations of his poor behavior. To him, it makes sense to. The obvious answer is often the right one.

"I'm so sorry."

Felix’s scowl fades into bewilderment. “What do you mean, you’re sorry? Why are you apologizing?”

The first apology, he’d thought was just for pretending. But the second one is clearly something else. He can’t be apologizing for answering Felix’s questions…oh. His brow furrows.

“Sylvain, tell me you’re not taking the blame for leaving this world. That’s utterly foolish. We have no control over any of this. Who stays, who leaves, who remembers or forgets - it’s all out of our hands. I hate it, but so far we’ve found no way to change it. It is what it is. There’s nothing you could possibly have done differently.” A pause, as he studies Sylvain’s face. “Do you understand?”

Sylvain keeps his gaze cast down, and finds Bonnie looking up at him too. Why does she have to look so sad? She didn't do anything wrong, but her ears pin back like a guilty verdict just came down on her. Sylvain tries to soothe her by running his fingers through the fiery mane, and remains quiet for awhile.

If Felix is asking, then he probably knows the answer. He obviously wouldn't have brought it up if it hadn't crossed him. Shame burns him, and his jaw forms a tense line where he's fighting back saying anything stupid. Or more stupid than he already has.

Finally, Sylvain takes a deep breath, and shakes his head.

"I don't, but that's not really what matters. I just want you to know that whatever happened, I didn't mean to leave you behind."

Felix watches Sylvain but says nothing else, just waiting for an answer. When it comes, it feels like the words have kindled a hearthfire somewhere inside him and it's warming him from the inside. So many people have left Felix behind in his life - almost everyone he's ever cared about - but never Sylvain.

He smiles again; his eyes are soft. Softer than Sylvain can probably remember ever seeing him since they were children. There's nothing reluctant or grudging about his reply - it's just sincere. "I know. You never would."

Felix lays his head back down on his arm, looking at the screen sideways again. "I don't want to talk about what things were like when you weren't here. You're here now, and I'm grateful. That's what matters most."

"You really aren't upset with me?" It's less a question, and more a wide-eyed wonder. Felix looks softer and happier than he can remember ever seeing him in the past decade or so. He feels stupid for even asking: Felix would just say if he was mad, hell, Sylvain feels like he'd be able to feel the anger even through the screen. But of course logic is easy to suggest, and so much harder to execute. The painful notion that somehow this is entirely his fault is hard to sway.

So when Felix suggests they talk about things that will be, instead of things that were, Sylvain feels a little tug of a smile at the corners of his lips. The guilt isn't gone, he doubts it will be for awhile, but at the very least Sylvain's the only one blaming himself.

"Thanks, Fe. Sorry to get so down on you like that. Just, y'know, overthinking it I suppose."

Soft or not, Felix rolls his eyes, though his tone is mildly exasperated rather than annoyed. "Do you think my answer will change if you keep asking?"

He suppresses the urge to lift his hand and touch the screen, as though he could somehow touch Sylvain over the distance through it. Then he silently chides himself for all this beating around the bush. He would hate it if Sylvain did it to him.

But he stumbles again over how to say it. Then again...Sylvain has given him a few decent openings...sort of.

"Mm. You asked how I knew what you wanted to do after the war. It's because you and I talked about it here." Oh, there goes his heart pounding again. Goddess, just spit it out, Fraldarius.

"We...talked about a lot of important things." His eyes stray from the screen a bit as he sort of changes the subject without changing it at all. "I may have told you today to convince me to say yes, but the truth is, you already have."

"Maybe," Sylvain mutters, but it's more a stage whisper than actually trying to keep it from Felix.

Again, he's shocked to find out somehow he's managed to not utterly fuck this up when Felix says he's gotten some of those flirting attempts to work. Though 'important things' is a little vague. It's probably about the future of their territories, he figures. Less pressing than the fact Felix actually accepted a date with him.

"Told you it'd work one day," he tries to tease. It's mild considering his usual boisterous insistence, but it's not as shame-riddled and guilt-laden as he'd been a few minutes ago. Progress.

"Tell me you liked it at least. Not nearly as bad as you used to say it'd be, right?"

Little does Sylvain know that it wasn't actually the flirting at all that did it. Not that it matters now, of course.

"I liked it enough to do it many more times."

Sylvain blinks.

"Seriously?" He actually cracks a decent smile. "Ha, you really like me, huh?"

Felix shrugs, though he can’t keep the hint of a smile off his face completely. “I might. And yes, seriously. I don’t joke.”

"Embarrassing for you," Sylvain quips, like he isn't burning himself. What's a little self-deprecation between friends after all? "But hey, guess it works since I like you too."

His smile is starting to return to something proper, genuine even. Again, it's just this kind of talking with Felix, something akin to banter, that sets him at ease. It's familiar. "Thanks for sticking around with me, Fe."

Felix rolls his eyes at the self-deprecation; his feelings for Sylvain are one of the few things he doesn't get embarrassed about anymore, not after everything.

"Hmph. Don't thank me as though I'm going out of my way. ...sticking together was what we promised, remember?"

He swallows. He's getting the feeling that Sylvain isn't taking this talk of going on dates seriously enough. Does he understand what Felix is really saying, or is he just assuming they've been eating meals together more often or something?

He wants to just come out and say it. He also doesn't at all want to do that. What if Sylvain spooks and hangs up? What if he wants time away like the first time? Then he mentally kicks himself for being just as stupid about this now as he was before. What's more important, your pride or Sylvain? The answer is always the same.

"...Sylvain." His voice is softer now. "I don't just 'like' you. Last time you were here, we were...together."

He can't help a bit of red creeping up into his cheeks.

Sylvain tilts his head. His eyes narrow in a mix of confusion and suspicion. Is Felix trying to joke? Emphasis on try, because Sylvain doubts the man could joke even if he wanted to. And Sylvain's sure he'd never want to...

So that leaves-

Oh.

Oh.

Sylvain isn't sure if he blanches or blushes. His cheeks immediately heat, but his palms go cold and clamy. His whole body feels like it lurches to a stop. Nothing seems to work: not his mind, his mouth, anything.

Together?

It should be such a dream come true; Sylvain's been utterly in love with Felix since they were young teenagers. He's thought the scenario out a hundred times, too. He should be prepared for this-

Yet being on this end of the confession was never part of the plan. It was always easier to imagine himself confessing, and most certainly being shot down. Because how else could it go? Felix wasn't supposed to like him. Felix was strong and courageous, dedicated and forward. And Sylvain was none of those things. Why would he ever want-

Except that's just it. Felix wouldn't say something like that if he didn't mean it.

"I- I, um..." Where's all that smooth, silver-tongued confidence he's always relied on? Why is it suddenly so hard to spit it out? How can it fail him now when he needs it most?

"Okay." No. No, no, no-

"No, what I mean is I... I'm really happy to hear that. More than just happy, I'm elated. I know it may not seem it. I think I'm just in shock right now." Sylvain drags a hand down his face to try to knock himself out of the haze of disbelief. It seems to work. He suddenly brightens as it all hits him. Felix like likes him.

"Together. Saints, Felix, I'm over the moon- you and me. Us." Now that he has the words finally come out there's too many to string proper sentences together. Sylvain really can't win here. So he settles for probably the most genuine smile of his life.

Felix's eyes are glued to the screen; he doesn't dare to blink. While Sylvain's...thinking, or whatever it is he's doing in silence, Felix is frantically trying to come up with ways to do damage control in case this goes horribly wrong, but this isn't a battlefield and nothing is coming to mind.

So when Sylvain flushes red and starts stammering, Felix lifts his head up again and stays very still, feeling like he's aiming an arrow at a deer in the woods and waiting to see whether it will flee. And then Sylvain says: 'Okay.'

Okay? What the hell kind of response is that? This was a mistake. That was clearly an 'I'm trying to figure out how to let you down easy' response, or an 'I can't handle this' response, or...something. Something not good. Felix's face quickly falls from attentive to an oncoming storm. He doesn't even know what the words are that are about to come out of his mouth--

But then Sylvain goes on, and Felix remembers what his reaction was the first time when they eventually got this far, and--okay, so he shouldn't be surprised about the shock, he supposes, and the storm dissolves as quickly as it started. Still, he's impatient to get past this part!

Fortunately, he doesn't have long to wait. Sylvain gives him one of those smiles that's like the sun coming up, and given how the last four months of Felix's life have gone, it really does feel like the dawn that comes after the darkest night. Which is sappy as hell and he's annoyed with himself for having thought it, but only a little bit.

Mostly he's too busy trying his best not to completely lose his composure and melt into a stupid puddle of mushy goo. He feels like he's already halfway there, and he's positive whatever face he's making is ridiculous and embarrassing, but it's hard to care much when he gets to see Sylvain this happy again.

"...good." He thinks he should probably say more than that, but he has trouble with words at the best of times.

The heat on his cheeks refuses to dissipate, and his heart keeps doing this silly thing where it won't stop pitter-pattering. He actually has to lean back and take a deep breath. Except he ends up exhaling it as a giddy sound.

"Y'know, I never thought I'd get the chance to actually go out with somebody I liked. Let alone the Felix Fraldarius, mister-relationships-are-pointless-distractions himself. My best friend..." Sylvain smiles to himself.

"You gotta get here sooner, Fe. You can't tell me we get to be an item and not even be here for me to sweep you off your feet."

Now Felix's face is getting red, too, and he's aware that it's silly because he's obviously heard much more intimate and mushy things from Sylvain before, but...there's something uniquely exciting about this strange situation. Sylvain's gleeful enthusiasm is highly contagious, apparently, but it's also embarrassing to be on the receiving end of it for the first time in months. He'd almost forgotten what it was like, this feeling of...hope and contentment, that even then he wasn't always entirely sure what to do with.

He averts his eyes from the screen, even as he can't banish his small, pleased smile. "All right, that's enough of that. I'm going as fast as I can. So we'll see who's sweeping who in a few hours."

***

Felix ends up falling asleep and taking a nap for most of those hours, once the conversation meanders on from there. By the time he wakes up again, all of the side effects of warping so much are gone, and the sun is steadily sinking toward the horizon. Eventually, he recognizes the far end of Route 29 and urges Foudroyant to skim closer to the ground. His pulse is racing again, but this time it feels like the rush of adrenaline right before he charges into battle, all forward motion and certainty.

It's not hard to spot that bright mop of red hair, more brilliant than the sunset or the warmest hearthfire - at least, to Felix's eyes, and he's starting to think he's been hanging around Dimitri too long if he's thinking things like that - and before he can think much more about it, the Vikavolt is landing some ten feet away from Sylvain and Felix leaps down from its back.

He let's Felix sleep, curling up with Bonnie in the tree roots. He's got too many racing thoughts and wild emotions to sleep for himself, but watching over Felix's rest works out. It reminds him a bit of their march to the monastery for their then uncertain reunion. Taking watches from their tent out in the woods, and the quiet of the other's sleeping presence.

Sylvain ends up losing track of time. He eats a fraction of the food Dimitri ordered for him, and reads through the manuals in his bag. And before long Felix is actually here, and not just through a screen.

Sylvain waves up at him and the Vikavolt. Beside him, Bonnie rears up and prances on her hooves. The redhead ended up telling her stories about his and Felix's antics while they waited. So she seems excited to meet him and giant insect.

Not as excited as Sylvain though.

He catches Felix in a sweeping embrace after he's barely touched the ground. Sylvain debated playing it cool, just letting Felix approach. But that plan immediately vanished the second he saw him. Replaced with excitement, dragging Felix off his feet in a tight hug felt like a much better choice.

"Hey you," he gusts out against Felix's shoulder, all affection in his voice.

Felix doesn't even get five steps before those familiar arms are closing around him, and for once he has zero qualms about it - he returns the embrace eagerly, even hops up a little so he can wrap his legs around Sylvain's waist, too. He's warm and solid and real, and Felix clutches him close.

"Sylvain." It's more sigh than word, really, and it feels like months' worth of tension leaves his body all at once. He knew that he's always felt safest with Sylvain, but it's never been driven so viscerally home for him before just how strong that feeling is.

Forgetting for a moment that Sylvain doesn't remember any of their previous intimacy, Felix turns his head to bury his face in that gorgeous red hair and inhale deeply. "...hi."

Oh, Felix shouldn't be allowed to fit so perfectly against Sylvain like this. It leaves his face burning up to his ears as he realizes it, holding Felix tight. He doesn't fight the squeeze of his thighs around his waist, but struggles with where to put his hands at first. Is he allowed to hold him up? Is that too much, too soon? He hasn't any idea how far they'd gone before.

He settles for a hand at the small of Felix's back, supporting his weight a little better. The other rubs soothing circles between his shoulder blades. Keeping his legs astride to keep them both securely up, he then tilts his head to nose against Felix's neck. Warm, familiar affection washes over him. Deeper though, just like how he's daydreamed of. Maybe it'll hide the blush too.

"Mm, I know it's been a lot longer for you, but somehow I missed you too."

Felix doesn't notice Sylvain's mini-crisis over where to put his hands; if he did, he might have just moved them to hold him up himself. Instead, he's busy having his own mini-crisis because he desperately wants to kiss Sylvain, but...from the other man's perspective, it would be their first kiss, and he doesn't want to rush it like that.

He closes his eyes for a moment just to feel things. The tickling of hair against his face, the nuzzling into his neck, the strong hands on his back. He never wants to let go.

"It's the screen," he mumbles into Sylvain's hair. "Seeing you in the screen but not being able to touch you. It makes it worse."

Sylvain will probably notice at some point that Felix isn't dressed in his traveling outfit from Fodlan, but in more modern Johto-style clothes. Still, they're clearly reminiscent of his preferred style.

Not letting go is fine by Sylvain. Seems they're both making up for lost time in some way. Sylvain's years of pining all coming to fruition makes him want to hold fast to it.

If he does notice Felix's clothes, it's mostly that somehow they're still so similar. Something about that is terribly appropriate. In the same way that Felix still smells the same too. All pleasantly familiar.

"Hey, I'm gonna set us down. Not letting go," he mutters against Felix's neck, and carefully takes a knee. The other's weight is hardly an issue, but Goddess knows he's exhausted on all fronts. He never did get a chance to rest after the battle for the Imperial Palace. He utterly refuses to budge on putting Felix down still. So he ends up sitting with Felix folded into his lap, and stroking his back.

"Y'know, I really wish I'd done this sooner. Like how you fit against me."

"Okay."

Felix doesn't even move, nor does he question why Sylvain seems so content to stay like this even though he must have only just seen Felix right before he came here. He knows that eventually, they'll have to separate; Dimitri will show up at some point, and he has to let Inda out of her ball, and introduce the other Pokemon...eventually, Claude or Grant will probably call to see how things are going, or Dimitri will call them first...eventually, they'll have to break this little bubble they've made.

But eventually isn't now.

"Heh. I doubt I would have gone for it during the war." During the war, he says, as if it's over. It isn't, not for him, but he's been away from it for a year - it might as well be. "Though I suppose it's possible. After all, it only took us a week the first time around to figure this out."

A week and some dumb bullshit, but whatever.

After a minute or so, Felix does pull back from the embrace, but only far enough to shift to his knees, straddling Sylvain's thighs, and take the man's face in both hands. Sylvain looks a little different from the last time Felix saw him - his hair is shorter, his eyes are more tired, his hands more callused. Felix doesn't care, but he does wish he could fast forward to the part where Sylvain gets enough sleep for once. None of them ever got enough sleep on the march.

...dammit, now he really wants to kiss Sylvain.

"I want to kiss you. But I don't want to rush you. I can wait if you want to take it slow." He generally hates waiting for anything, but something this important is worth it.

In Sylvain's defense, he'd been sure the war was going to kill him in some horrifying way. And the last few battles to seige keeps and capitals, it's really brought home how close they were to victory, and death. Too many close calls to count, he's savoring what feels like a just reward. So he keeps Felix close as long as he'll have Sylvain.

Besides that, he's tired physically, mentally and emotionally. Sylvain's practically melted into their embrace as it is.

"Only a week, huh? Well, I suppose a big part of dating is learning the other person. Makes sense since we'd already been doing that our whole lives." Sylvain nods to his own logic, and shifts to let Felix kneel over his lap a bit easier. "It's alright, I was too scared to ask anyway. I never would have worked up the courage if I hadn't promised myself to at least try if we survived Enbarr."

Sylvain's content to just exist with Felix. The little sanctuary he finds here, he's reluctant to leave. He only reacts to Felix when the other touches his face. Sylvain offers him a lazy smile.

"Sweet of you, but I'm no blushing virgin." The lopsided smile is made all the more mischievous by the fact he cocks a brow expectantly.

"Do whatever you want with me. I'm-" he tilts his head, wanting to lean into a kiss, and feels something warm and metallic on his cheek. It almost feels like...

His gaze shifts, brows momentarily furrowing.

Well, it feels like a ring. And certainly looks like a ring. Third finger. Left hand.

A wedding ring...

Sylvain starts to feel his pulse pick up again. He looks to Felix, worry creeping into his expression.

"Felix...?"

"Apparently, everyone else figured it out long before we did. According to them." Felix makes a face. "They should have said something."

He huffs, definitely not sulking or blushing slightly in embarrassment. "Obviously." When Sylvain's expression turns mischievous, though, Felix gives him a smug smirk. "I'm well aware."

Felix starts to lean in, too, but stops when Sylvain suddenly frowns. At first he has no idea what the problem is, but he follows the other man's gaze and...

...oh, shit. He didn't even think about the ring. Fuck.

He snatches his hands back like they've been burned, somehow paling and flushing at the same time as his eyes widen and his whole body tenses up.

"I...I didn't want...ugh." He drags his hands down his face, annoyed not with Sylvain but with himself, or maybe with Arceus. He averts his eyes from Sylvain's gaze, frowning.

"I know how much you hate the idea of getting married. Especially...when it's not someone you chose. I was going to tell you, but I didn't want you to think I had any expectations."

Sylvain's stunned into silence not for the first time today. And though his mind is paralyzed, his hands still reach for Felix's. Calloused fingers are gentle on his wrists, trying to guide the ring back into his view. He stares at it, and feels foolish for being menaced by a band of metal, but he can't help it. Marriage is a dirty word. More of a prison sentence than a joyous occasion. It's always been a threat in some way. Something weaponized against the idea of his happiness.

"I don't need a ring to prove how much I care about you," he says, smoothing his thumb over the band. The reactionary part of him bares its teeth, but it feels empty. It's just that, a base reaction. He doesn't feel the usual, cynical disgust at the idea when he thinks of marriage with Felix; it's subdued, cautious. Which is the biggest difference: with Felix.

"I um- I don't know if I'm ready for that just yet," he tries to explain. "It's not that I don't love you. And Goddess knows, if I had to marry, I'd never want anyone else. But... I- I..." He's faltering now, and it makes his cheeks heat. Any poise or confidence just dissolves through his fingers when he tries to muster it up.

"I don't even know what I'm trying to say. How about I get back to you on it? I know that's a horrible thing to ask of somebody, but just give me a chance. I promise I'm not upset with you. I'm just having some conflicting feelings about the whole-" Sylvain vaguely waves his hand, "-idea? Concept? Whatever it is, I just wanna be us as we are."

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