victory_road | January Catchall [closed]

[Dimitri is a long line of warmth against Dedue's chest, his head a steady weight on his shoulder. It's closer than they've been since they were boys, mostly due to Dedue's discretion more than His Highness'. So it's always been, he supposes; Dimitri was far less cautious than he. Always wanted more. It was Dedue who was reluctant to take that step, bear the risk.]

[Dedue places his other arm around Dimitri, embracing him as he had never allowed himself to do before. It is... indescribable, the feeling of holding him after waiting for so long. After desiring it and denying. He feels the rise and fall of Dimitri's breath underneath his hand, steady and continuous. With every beat of both their hearts, he loves him.]

Of course. [Chip-- he had almost forgotten about the instigator of their little debacle. Perhaps Dedue should thank them later for their mischief, as he and Dimitri would have likely continued to circle around each other without their intervention.] I think that such a talk has been a long time coming.

[Certainly it's one that they've needed to have for a very long time.]

Perhaps so. It is hard to deny it, now.

[After everything that they've stumbled through, just now. After Dedue's lips on his knuckles, and Dimitri's head against his shoulders. After a confession of mutual love.]

[It is hard to pull away from Dedue, when his arm is around him like that, and yet Dimitri somehow makes it happen. What he doesn't let happen is letting go of him. Instead, he pulls Dedue along, guiding him back to the kitchen.]

[Maybe he cannot wait for them to sit down, however... A question is out of his mouth before he can stop it.]

Do you... Would you still want to become involved with me in such a manner, even though I am dating others?

[The question of Dimitri’s other relationships is one that Dedue knew would need to be addressed sooner rather than later. It is an… unusual sort of situation, at least for those familiar with Fódlish customs, nor was it a common arrangement in Duscur. (One heard things, of course, about Almyra, but it’s hard to tell what’s true and what’s merely scandalous rumor.)]

I am not perturbed that you love others as well as me. If I am to be truthful, I have long suspected your affections for Felix.

[So he’s hardly surprised that they’re together. Claude is a little more of a surprise, though in hindsight, he was always flirtatious around His Highness, though he was flirtatious around many people. Grant is a fine man as well, one whom anyone should be pleased have as a lover.]

I do not wish to be a point of contention among your lovers, however. Will they not object to me?

[Felix, in particular. He has barely tolerated Dedue as His Highness’ vassal, nevertheless as a closer relationship. Surely he would hate the idea of Dedue taking up more of Dimitri’s time and affection.]

Edited (Html) 2022-02-21 15:48 (UTC)

Ah.... [Well, don't mind his blush.] So it was obvious even then...

[That is rather embarrassing. Perhaps that means he cannot tease Felix and Sylvain on their mutual affections so much, if he is as he is.]

[Still that is something to think about at a later date, and instead he pauses at Dedue's next words.]

Oh - no, no, not at all, Dedue. Actually... I had already brought up such matters before, with them. The idea of me liking you so much. [Dimitri glances away, a little more embarrassed.] Grant and Claude wouldn't hear it if I said I would try not to act on anything...

[Ah, but this is important - Dimitri looks back to Dedue again.]

And, as a matter of fact, it was Felix who first confronted me about my clear feelings for you, and said that I should simply confess to you.

[This is a matter that Dimitri had previously discussed with his other lovers, then. On one hand, it's a relief that his feelings for His Highness won't cause any significant issues with the rest of the household; it would be difficult to remain here if they found such a thing objectionable. On the other, it's very strange to think that they had all sat down one day to discuss what he had thought was a very private matter.]

[Stranger still that Felix had been part of that discussion and, even if he had been in favor of confessing their feelings-- Felix has always hated deception in any form that it takes-- that hardly means that he would necessarily want them to do anything about it. Even if he's been less vocal about his dislike for Dedue while they've been in this world, he's hardly been warm and welcoming, either. It's a... tenuous civility, some times less civil than others.]

I see. Did he have an opinion on acting upon these feelings, or simply confessing them?

[Well now. That has Dimitri pausing, glancing back at Dedue with raised eyebrows and a couple of befuddled blinks.]

Are they... not the same thing? Neither I nor Felix are sadistic enough to want there to be a confession to you, and yet simply leave it at that. Such a thing would be cruel.

[To him or Dedue? Both, he is fairly certain. Him, if it meant Dedue would turn him down. Dedue, if it meant he would simply have something dangled in front of him that he could not have. Best, in Dimitri's prior opinion, to simply stay silent about the whole matter... especially when he thought that there was no way that he would have a chance at an honest relationship with him regardless.]

[It would be cruel, perhaps, though Dedue isn't entirely sure that Felix would care much about cruelty when it comes to him. To Dimitri, certainly-- he loves Dimitri. But Dedue is quite certain that the only reason that he couldn't name himself at the bottom of the list of people that Felix holds in good esteem is because Hubert and Gilbert exist.]

I merely find it difficult to believe that Felix would have no qualms with this arrangement. It is not uncommon knowledge that he holds me in little fond regard.

[Little fond regard, you know, the diplomatic way of referring to someone who used to call you a dog.]

[Dimitri has always known that Dedue and Felix did not get along particularly well, to put it as an understatement. On Dedue's end, of course he wouldn't like someone who was so irreverent and said such things to Dimitri - the person he'd sworn his life to.]

[In turn, Felix must surely have hated someone so close to Dimitri, someone who was so overtly loyal to him. Everyone listened to him as he was the crown prince, of course, and Dimitri knows that must surely have frustrated Felix... Perhaps more so to see such an intimate version of it. Their own relationship was so tangled up back then...]

[And yet, in moments like these, he has to wonder just what might have been said between them, whenever he wasn't looking. Because for this kind of reaction between them...]

[Dimitri's brow furrows.]

Maybe so, but... There was little trace of that when he spoke to me of this matter. Any issues of his were more in response to worries of my own, and in that, he merely stated that any issues of yours were to be your fault, and not something I were to be blamed for.

That was it. At least to me, he showed no signs of displeasure at the idea of you becoming my lover.

[There was much that Dedue did not like about Felix's behavior. The war, and this place, has changed some of those things-- he is less abrasive than he was when they were schoolmates, though that's perhaps a low bar to pass. During the war, he remained with His Highness despite the harsh things that he had once said to him, and that, at least, spoke well of him. In the month between Myrddin and the battle at Gronder, he and Felix had orbited Dimitri like planets, watching over him in turns as he brooded in the cathedral. They agreed on little else than that-- protecting His Highness.]

[Perhaps this is all the coexistence that will be necessary for them. Perhaps, if they continue to maintain their tentative civility, there will be no issues with sharing a lover.]

[...Dedue is not quite that optimistic of a man.]

If this is what Felix has told you, than I suppose there is no reason not to believe him.

[It is unlikely that Felix would lie about such a thing, even for Dimitri's sake. There has never been an opinion that Felix was hesitant to voice, so... Dedue will not call him a liar.]

[Hm. That is not... the most encouraging statement Dedue could have made, and Dimitri pauses for a moment as he considers how to address it. There's so much here that he doesn't know - what has Dedue encountered that would make him so certain that Felix hates him? Dimitri isn't sure what the truth could be. He knows that Dedue is a down to earth kind of person, but he also knows that he expects hatred rather than companionship from many people.]

[Dimitri... supposes that he cannot say for certain what is the truth, not when he knows so little.]

...Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you, all right? Because - because I am not a king to you, with this between us. [His cheeks heat, just slightly.] I am something.. more personal.

And as a lover... I want to help make you happy, and stop any difficulties you have with others if I can.

[Dedue wishes that he had a better way to reassure Dimitri about the future of this relationship, that he could promise him that there would be no fights or hardships between himself and Felix. It's a promise that he can't make, though, because try as he might, Dedue cannot seem to consistently navigate conversations with Felix without incident.]

[It's strange, as well, to try to think of Dimitri as not his king; something that he will need to acclimatize to with time. He has spent the past ten years thinking of him as His Highness, a man that he loves but from afar. He hadn't been prepared for change to come so suddenly, to go from king to lover in less than an hour.]

Please, do not worry yourself too much with the matter. If there is trouble between myself and Felix, I have no doubts that you will hear of it. It can be dealt with then.

[Burn that bridge when they get to it, or however the Faerghan saying goes.]

Know at least that I have no desire to antagonize him.

I know you do not, Dedue. You are the least antagonistic man I know, even during times when you deserve the right of it. [But, well... He was never able to, not in his position, and so Dimitri had always felt it was up to him to take his position and make it into a bludgeoning weapon.

[Sometimes, to wear the crown means to be people's light, and guide them through darkness.]

[Other times, it means taking the crown from your head and beating it into someone's face if they try to shittalk your friend and vassal oNE MORE TIME-]

[But that's besides the point, and Dimitri leans against Dedue's side in a manner he thought would never be permitted.]

...I do not think he always means to antagonize you, either, although I know my words mean little when I have not been privy to the sort of things that have gone on between you.

But Felix is merely... not the most eloquent of people. Words and emotions escape him, at times.

If he truly wished to be against you, then he would not have encouraged my feelings.

[Dedue has never had the luxury of being able to freely speak his mind, even in the face of those who would abuse him. Dimitri had fought those battles for him many times in the past, even if Dedue didn't ask him to; even if Dedue thought that it would make no difference. Even so, he had always seen it as proof of His Highness' virtue-- that his heart could not abide the injustice of it.]

[Dimitri's weight settles against him, warm and steady. It's a kind of casual closeness that they had never been allowed to have, and Dedue cherishes every moment of it.]

You know Felix's mind better than I do, and I have little skill at reading him. [He has never been in a position to learn. He and Felix had kept each other at arm's length, showing each other little other than what was needed to function on a battlefield. Dedue can't say that he knows very much more about Felix now than he did when he arrived.] Thus I will defer to your judgment on it.

Ha.... Sometimes, I believe that truly reading Felix is a skill that a rare few possess.

[The Professor might be the only one who has truly managed to master it, alongside Claude... And there is Sylvain, of course, although the two of them have always bickered. Not to mention that pining that literally every single one of them saw from a distance...]

[That is besides the point. Dimitri just shakes his head.]

...At any rate, you can ask more of me, Dedue. You have the right of it, you know. You always have, but... especially now.

[Dedue quite agrees-- it's a rare skill, to be able to understand Felix Fraldarius with any kind of accuracy and consistency. Both he and Dimitri can despair together of ever having it, though perhaps for different reasons.]

[But it is, indeed, beside the point.]

You have already given to me more than I could have ever hoped for.

[The reciprocation of feelings that he had long since consigned himself to burying. What more could he desire than that?]

We should return to the kitchen. Chip has been left unattended, and did you not say that you were making s'mores?

[And Chip is... fond of sweets. Leaving them alone with all of that and with the cooking appliances could be a fast way to end up with a mess and a child who's eaten too much chocolate and marshmallows.]

Dedue, with all due respect, you have allowed yourself to hope for very little, at times.

[Well, that is fine. Dimitri turns his head, pressing his face along Dedue's shoulder before daring to just - brush his lips against that spot. Just that.]

But you are right. We were making s'mores, and we got out the caramel sauce! Come - you can enjoy it with us.

And... we can plan things. [He smiles a bit, bashful but pleased.] Dates, maybe.

[Perhaps that's true, that his hope was a lean thing in some ways. But his hopes-- their hopes-- were lofty, were for the justice of a wronged people, the resurrection of a subjugated nation. In light of that, what room could be afforded for a boy's silly dreams of romance with a prince?]

[Dreams that can still only become real when in a world far removed from their own.]

[But, for now, all is well enough, and Chip is likely waiting for the outcome of their mischief.]

I would like that very much, [How strange, the way his heart feels light at the prospect of spending time with him, as though he had not spent almost the entirety of the years between the Tragedy and their parting in the dungeons at His Highness' side, and as much time as possible after their reunion. But it is, of course, a change in context, being with him for company and enjoyment rather than as a servant.] Dimitri.

[They should go, then-- back to where Chip is waiting.]

[Ah - For a moment, all Dimitri can do is stare at Dedue, and the world feels as though it has momentarily stopped. Slowed, like in some of Gremlin's little games, or jerked to an outright stop.]

[He used to wonder, sometimes absently while searching for books in Garreg Mach's library or actively in the aftermath of yet another obnoxious attack on Dedue's character, how on earth he could convince one of his dearest friends to ever actually call him by name. If he could ever have Dedue see that he cared for him more than any class distinctions would permit, that he found them only as relevant to achieving their goals than something that mattered between them, personally.]

[Because it never seemed as though he would ever be successful. It seemed, instead, that Dedue would stay bound to the role of a retainer, because it was necessary, because perhaps it was even safe.... even when it was only the two of them hidden away in a private room, away from the prying eyes of anywhere else.]

[He'd been scared, honestly. Scared that so little would change even with his confession, with his love. That there would still be some impassable barrier that he could never conquer.]

[And maybe there still is, there are still so many things that the two of them must work on...]

[But right now, right here, Dedue still looks him in the face, and utters his name.]

[No title. No nonsense. Just his name.]

[Time begins again, renews itself, and Dimitri feels himself brighten, lift up with something as though he might hover right off the ground.]

Yes! [And he's not thinking, really, when he leans in to press his lips clumsily, hastily, to the corner of Dedue's mouth. It's an impulsive thing, so that means it didn't land on the target he meant for, but, well. It is a kiss regardless, and then Dimitri is pulling away, his fingers entwining with Dedue's eagerly.] Let us go, then, Dedue!

[And he tugs him in the direction of the kitchen.]

January Catchall [closed]

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