victory_road | 1st credit ✗ video

You know, there was so much going on when I arrived, I never did introduce myself on here. Hi. The name's Felix.

Now, obviously I don't need anyone to tell me the basics, don't worry, I already got all of that. I mean, this is by far the weirdest planet I've ever been to, and that's saying something, but I'm a quick learner. I'm much more interested in hearing about--

[Felix is cut off, suddenly, by a horrible burst of static. Sorry folks, it's not pleasant.]

Oh, for the love of... [Light blue sparks are just visible on the feed, originating from the gear from the looks of it. To say Felix looks annoyed would be an understatement. But he takes a deep breath and keeps going.] As... I was saying. I--

[And another interruption. It's music this time; different from the regular music that always plays, this is very clearly a radio station. At first the music drowns out everything, but the volume is lowered as Felix just decides to smack the side of his gear.]

Okay, screw it. New question! How the fuck do you get a Rotom to stay out of your goddamn gear? Because I'm about five seconds away from just throwing this thing into the damn ocean. [More static.] Oh yeah, you heard me. Don't think I won't do it, you obnoxious little--

[And then the feed just cuts out completely. Well then. That happened.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

You could try giving it a berry. Pokémon like those.

[Snake knows that Rotom are bad news in any case. The ones at the Goldenrod department store caused a stir last time.]

Welcome to Johto, Felix.

Ha! Sucks to be you.

Those things are the friggin worst.

Oh, you decided to catch one after all? I thought Eclair might have put you off!

[Because Felix is so cool and competent that this has to be on purpose, right???]

If the solution was as simple as feeding it, I wouldn't have a problem anymore. [There's an electronic giggle audible and Felix just rolls his eyes.] Ugh.

Yeah, thanks. Been here for a little bit now, but fuck, Halloween was kinda crazy.

Yeah. Yeah, they're pretty terrible. And now I can't get rid of this thing, so that's, you know, just wonderful.

Maybe if I just shove it in a ball and throw that into the ocean...

[Felix no.]

Yeah, sure. "Decided". Let's go with that.

How do you get your little hellspawn to listen to you?

Eh? What do you mean? [She tilts her head.] He just listens, like my other Pokémon do. I don't have to do anything special.

So when you tell her to get out of something, does he just do it? Seriously?

Sorry, just figured you were a new guy.

[Since he hadn't posted much to the network or said a lot? Either that or he was still having trouble with his Pokémon. Anyone could have that problem, even Snake.]

Yeah. Halloween was damn strange.

Ever since I caught him, mm-hm!

Oh, maybe you need to prove that you can outsmart it! That should make it respect you.

Yeah, I got a bag of garbage. Can't get rid of it, can't even lock it out of the house.

Hey if it works, lemme know.

You've got... [...Okay, that's a thing.] I cannot believe that I actually have to ask if that's literal or metaphorical.

I get the feeling it won't. It's a sneaky asshole. Guess that's the ghost typing at work, I don't even know.

Eh. New-ish. Same deal, right? Just haven't been in much of an introduction mood, let's just say.

Oh, good, so criminals don't just always pop up and stage an attack like this? That's not just a weekly activity here? Yeah, kinda figured.

[...Right. Friendly. Dial down the sarcasm. You can do this, Felix.]

Anyway, you know my name, so generally this is about the part where you mention yours.

No. They don't. You don't need to worry about that. Weird stuff happens but not all the time. [Right?]

Name's Snake.

[Yep, just Snake. Makes it easier for everyone if he dropped the Venom part. People might ask more questions about his codename.]

Yeah, I wasn't worried.

Snake. Seriously? Oh my god. [Because of course it is.] Okay, so. Army, special forces, merc, what?

Oh god, is this gonna be some stupid, bullshit alpha dog situation, except with a crazy cyber ghost? Wonderful.

Not that I'll have trouble outsmarting this thing, but I had other stuff I was planning to do today.

Yeah. My full codename is Venom Snake but it's abbreviated.

[Because it's easier than saying Venom Snake all the time?]

Diamond Dogs. That's the name of my organisation back home. We're a mix of army, mercs, special forces, GRU, JSDF, you name it, we've got it.

[A good range of support from around the globe.]

Wow. And you seriously just go by it, like all the time?

[That is freaking hilarious. Man, why does everyone just stick to shitty codenames like that? Ridiculous.]

Well. That's one hell of a mix. Sounds like a big clusterfuck, to be honest. Getting a headache even thinking about some of those mixing together.

Used to be UNSC myself, but, well. That's ancient history by now.

Literal. It's an ambulatory bag of garbage. It refuses to go away.

I tell ya, I don't get the whole ghost type thing.

Well, that sounds incredibly disgusting. Glad to know there's a real high standard with all these fucked up animals. Ugh.

[He's glad he doesn't have that problem, at least.]

Yeah, I'm gonna be honest, I don't either? I mean, it's not dead or anything? Honestly, this thing seems more like an AI than anything else. A really annoying AI.

Yeah. It's my name.

[Duh. He's just used to it by now. Most of the soldiers call him Boss anyway. It's just the commanding officers calling him Snake.]

It works. Men unite under one flag to pledge their support to our cause.

[Damn, he was sounding more like Kaz everyday.]

What's the UNSC?

Well. Code name. Not exactly the same thing. But, hey, sure, whatever. There's dumber things to go by.

[Says someone who also goes by a codename, but his is also just a regular name, so who would ever even know.]

Seriously? United Nations Space Command. Earth's big military force. Well, has been for a while, actually. Geez, some people here really are from way back in the past.

You have no idea. It even smells like garbage. I hate the friggin thing.

No, it hatches out of a freaking egg! It's a robot ghost that hatches from an egg, it's awesome and stupid at the same time.

Oh, lovely, the whole... garbage... package. Seriously, you can't ditch it at all? Maybe give it to someone else or something?

[Because that sounds like a nightmare. If kind of hilarious for anyone else who has to deal with that.]

...Because of course it does. I hate this planet. [There's some more static and digital sounding giggles to go along with that.] Yes, that includes you, you freaking pop-up ad, we've been over this.

Believe me, I've tried. And no one wants the thing. It's like a stinky little serial killer made of refuse. It's got evil eyes. And it stares.

Yeah, this planet...fixer upper. It's another god damned fixer upper. It's got a lot going for it, it does, but holy christ is it full of stupid shit, too.

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just going to throw a load of codenames at you, buddy

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