victory_road | 7 ∅ [Video/Action for Route 39]

[The broadcast begins, but there's an unintended second or two of jostling before Dave gets the camera set up the way he wants. The cause: He's outside, for once, leaning against a tree to get out of the noontime sun. He looks...actually pretty content, if slightly sunburned. It's fading, at least. The straw cowboy hat he's resting on his chest must be doing some good.]

Howdy, y'all--[He breaks character immediately for a snicker.] Christ, okay, never let me say anything like that again. Anyway. For those of you unused to human custom, we got a time-honored tradition of embarrassing people publicly on the day they emerged gross and wailing into existence.

[He shifts so he can dig a folded piece of paper out from his pocket and opens it. A Ponyta nearby wanders over to check out what he's doing, then blows into his hair and walks off again to watch over the Miltank they're rounding up. The corner of Dave's mouth turns up.]

This one goes out to a special dude on his special day. He knows who he is. P.S., it's Karkat.

[One breath in, and then:]

Okay,
D.J. Strider here.

[Oh god he's gonna rap.]

I gotta take the time to make a June declaration
On my sanctioned lunch break from bovine aggregation
Since we've all been re-stationed to make reparations
To this fucked-up earthquaked Pokémon nation:
Congratulations! On the commemoration of your buggy origination
The germination, gestation, and ex-cavern relocation
And the perpetuation of your person-ization
To the tune of eight sweeps of EXP accumulation
By my admittedly shitty estimation, (leave some room for deviation).
So, yeah, in celebration I propose a coronation--

[And he lifts his hat to reveal: A Burger Slowking cardboard crown and a shit-eating grin.]

For my favorite crustacean on his wriggling day,
And if y'all answer to Cancer make sure to say hey.

[...Okay maybe he's done. For now. Dave puts the hat and crown aside and starts braiding little wildflowers together.]

We'll be accepting donations of birthday cake and child-friendly toys at the MooMoo Farm, care of Dave Strider.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[... Yeah, okay. It's definitely the smile.

Karkat ducks his head and, as an afterthought, knocks it into Dave's shoulder in a half-assed retaliation that has more to do with hiding the irrepressible, matching grin on his face than genuine irritation. He should be irritated. It doesn't seem to be happening.

Fuck.]

Yeah, whatever. Be a smug asshole, like it's any different from your usual behavior anyway.

[He's even talking semi-quietly, that's how stupidly soft Dave makes him. It's a good thing he isn't a troll anymore; he couldn't possibly be more of a failure of one than he is right now.

He shuts his eyes.]

So, how the fuck am I supposed to wear it, anyway? The bandanna.

[It's probably going to look out of place as hell with his usual outfits but yeah he's basically going to take it off exactly never once he works out how best to show it off.]

There's a bunch of different ways. 'S part of the reason I picked it.

[He plucks the bandanna out of the box and flaps it out by the corners so it's fully unfolded, then folds it triangle-ways and wraps it around his own face like a bandit.]

This one's the height of fashion if you ever need to rob a mail car out on the wild frontier. Or you could do like this.

[This time, he puts it on like a headscarf and mimes waving good-bye.]

Dasvidaniya, Ivan, my love, have fun freezing your balls off in Siberia. Or, hmm.

[He opens it flat again, appraises it thoughtfully, and then this time folds it into a wide strip with Karkat's sign in the middle and offers it over to him.]

You could tie it like this around your head, too, to keep your hair out of your face. Sort of like Rose's headband, you know? Or around your arm, or whatever. It's a versatile equip.

[Karkat's expression had grown increasingly dubious throughout Dave's performance, wrought as it was with references to shit he hasn't the faintest inkling about, but the look he sends his moirail for suggesting that he might need something to keep his hair under control could strip paint off the wall. It was bad enough returning to his body and having to deal with the sheer grubfuckery that was what Dirk had done to it, and yes, he's still sore about that weeks later, what of it? Fucking Dirk.]

I guess around my arm? If it doesn't slide around or whatever the fuck, I'd have to keep adjusting it.

[Probably? The alternative, after all, is tying it on so tightly that it cuts off his damn circulation, which would be dumb as hell. Holy fuck, this is why he doesn't accessorize; it's more trouble than it's worth.

Speaking of, Karkat takes a moment to pat awkwardly at his own head, then heave an exasperated sigh.]

And the fucking crown fell off. Do I have to put that back on?

[~~How very strange that he'd forgotten about it until now, ha ha ha, how did that happen.~~]

[Dave considers saying yes, then shakes his head, still smiling a little.]

Nah, it's cool. I'd say yes but now you've been crowned, the birthday king gets to make the decisions, even if they're fuck-all boring decisions, all preserving dignity and shit.

[He loops the bandanna around Karkat's arm and ties it carefully.]

Hmmm. We could pin it to your sleeve later, if it slides. So how's that?

[He sits back again, admiring his handiwork, looking...really content, for once.]

[Stop saying "all." Ugh, no, he isn't going to say that. Instead, he'll inspect Dave's work with mock severity, his mouth slightly pinched. This has to be the longest he's ever seen Dave with a smile on his face, and while that's good, it's also wreaking havoc on his ability to not flip his shit everywhere and profess his very-definitely-not pale feelings to this complete shitheel.

The fact that he'd been about to ask Dave's help in tying the bandanna to his arm before being preempted is the mucus on the grubloaf at this point. He's not sure how much more of this he can take.]

It'll do.

[He'd sniff haughtily or something to complete the act, but a) he's not a tool, and b) he made the mistake of looking up again and Dave really has no fucking idea at all, does he? Argh.

Hurriedly, Karkat points out the remnants of their abandoned lawnmeal. Food, right. That thing.]

So, uh. Sandwiches, right? [The fuck kind of name for a food is that, anyway?] What's in them?

7 ∅ [Video/Action for Route 39]

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