7 ∅ [Video/Action for Route 39]

[callbacks]

[The broadcast begins, but there's an unintended second or two of jostling before Dave gets the camera set up the way he wants. The cause: He's outside, for once, leaning against a tree to get out of the noontime sun. He looks...actually pretty content, if slightly sunburned. It's fading, at least. The straw cowboy hat he's resting on his chest must be doing some good.]

Howdy, y'all--[He breaks character immediately for a snicker.] Christ, okay, never let me say anything like that again. Anyway. For those of you unused to human custom, we got a time-honored tradition of embarrassing people publicly on the day they emerged gross and wailing into existence.

[He shifts so he can dig a folded piece of paper out from his pocket and opens it. A Ponyta nearby wanders over to check out what he's doing, then blows into his hair and walks off again to watch over the Miltank they're rounding up. The corner of Dave's mouth turns up.]

This one goes out to a special dude on his special day. He knows who he is. P.S., it's Karkat.

[One breath in, and then:]

Okay,
D.J. Strider here.

[Oh god he's gonna rap.]

I gotta take the time to make a June declaration
On my sanctioned lunch break from bovine aggregation
Since we've all been re-stationed to make reparations
To this fucked-up earthquaked Pokémon nation:
Congratulations! On the commemoration of your buggy origination
The germination, gestation, and ex-cavern relocation
And the perpetuation of your person-ization
To the tune of eight sweeps of EXP accumulation
By my admittedly shitty estimation, (leave some room for deviation).
So, yeah, in celebration I propose a coronation--

[And he lifts his hat to reveal: A Burger Slowking cardboard crown and a shit-eating grin.]

For my favorite crustacean on his wriggling day,
And if y'all answer to Cancer make sure to say hey.

[...Okay maybe he's done. For now. Dave puts the hat and crown aside and starts braiding little wildflowers together.]

We'll be accepting donations of birthday cake and child-friendly toys at the MooMoo Farm, care of Dave Strider.

Comments

[audio]

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

Right. Okay. For the sake of my sanity and probably yours, I'm not gonna ask anything more about angry alien internet troll Katkat. [HE REMEMBERS KATKAT. He will never forget Katkat.]

Whatever, c'mon, don't sell yourself short, that was still really creative rhyming going on there. How long were you working on that?

[audio]

[callbacks]

--Uh, I dunno, like a day or two? 'S not his real present...Shit, okay, sorry, did I talk to you while I was all miniaturized or something or did I slip up and call him Katkat actually out loud on a public channel.

[audio]

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

You were a tiny thing. It was adorable. Man, what happened to you to lose all of that chubby-cheeked adorability? [he teases man]

[audio]

[callbacks]

Multiple iterations of the apocalypse, mostly. You were, uh...shit, were you the guy that got us pizza? Dude.

[audio]

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

Wow. That's, uh, rough, buddy.

...Was I pizza guy? Oh shit, you're right, I was totally pizza dude! Man. Fucked up me took a liking to kids, I guess.

[audio]

[callbacks]

Fucked up you had dumb taste, man. I'm infinitely more fascinating a specimen as a complete grown-up over here. Even if I was a surprisingly cute little shithead. Thanks for the pie, though.