7 ∅ [Video/Action for Route 39]

[callbacks]

[The broadcast begins, but there's an unintended second or two of jostling before Dave gets the camera set up the way he wants. The cause: He's outside, for once, leaning against a tree to get out of the noontime sun. He looks...actually pretty content, if slightly sunburned. It's fading, at least. The straw cowboy hat he's resting on his chest must be doing some good.]

Howdy, y'all--[He breaks character immediately for a snicker.] Christ, okay, never let me say anything like that again. Anyway. For those of you unused to human custom, we got a time-honored tradition of embarrassing people publicly on the day they emerged gross and wailing into existence.

[He shifts so he can dig a folded piece of paper out from his pocket and opens it. A Ponyta nearby wanders over to check out what he's doing, then blows into his hair and walks off again to watch over the Miltank they're rounding up. The corner of Dave's mouth turns up.]

This one goes out to a special dude on his special day. He knows who he is. P.S., it's Karkat.

[One breath in, and then:]

Okay,
D.J. Strider here.

[Oh god he's gonna rap.]

I gotta take the time to make a June declaration
On my sanctioned lunch break from bovine aggregation
Since we've all been re-stationed to make reparations
To this fucked-up earthquaked Pokémon nation:
Congratulations! On the commemoration of your buggy origination
The germination, gestation, and ex-cavern relocation
And the perpetuation of your person-ization
To the tune of eight sweeps of EXP accumulation
By my admittedly shitty estimation, (leave some room for deviation).
So, yeah, in celebration I propose a coronation--

[And he lifts his hat to reveal: A Burger Slowking cardboard crown and a shit-eating grin.]

For my favorite crustacean on his wriggling day,
And if y'all answer to Cancer make sure to say hey.

[...Okay maybe he's done. For now. Dave puts the hat and crown aside and starts braiding little wildflowers together.]

We'll be accepting donations of birthday cake and child-friendly toys at the MooMoo Farm, care of Dave Strider.

Comments

[callbacks]

I mean, no, I am--[Well, wait.] ...Depending...on who you ask. But I haven't been back since I was thirteen and you'd be surprised how much shit you forget.

[usedgravity]

Whoa, really? [She's not sure how old he is but he's deeeefinitely not 13 anymore] Have you been stuck here that whole time?

[callbacks]

Uhh, no. I've been here...I dunno, since November, I guess.

[Too much math to figure out the months.]

Most of the rest of the time between I was on a meteor in space.

[usedgravity]

[That's still pretty long but also NOT IMPORTANT DID HE JUST SAY "SPACE"?]

In space!? What were you doing there!?

[callbacks]

Not much, TBH? It was mind-fucking boring back there. If I never see another shitty movie for the fortieth time, it'll be too soon.

[usedgravity]

Wha, bu- how did you even get into space? Why were you there? And... watching movies?

[callbacks]

[A short sigh.]

Look, kid, it's a really long story, okay? TL;DR, my version of Earth got its ass kicked, I got off planet, did some anime shit, grabbed a one-way meteor ticket to another dimension except coach class didn't provide anything you could call "entertainment," and it was a really long ride.

[usedgravity]

Uh... [he keeps using internet speak, half of which she doesn't even know] ...wow, that's pretty unbelievable! I mean, if I wasn't here I almost wouldn't.

[callbacks]

It's no real skin off my nose if people believe me or not. I know it happened, and so do my friends. 'S all.

[usedgravity]

Oh, yeah, I didn't mean like, I thought you were lying... it's just sounds like a pretty wild story! Ah, though I guess to you and everyone else, a world where everyone has super powers sounds pretty wild too.

[callbacks]

Well, like, I'm not unfamiliar with the concept. It's just something that wouldn't've been possible on that scale on the Earth I'm from. Most of us who jumped ship developed some power or other eventually.

[usedgravity]

I guess that made you a pretty amazing group then, huh? Having powers is just kinda normal where I'm from.

[callbacks]

So, huh. Was it real dangerous to live there? I know you mentioned laws and junk...

[usedgravity]

I mean, not normally? Most people follow the laws and if there's any one causing trouble, the pro heroes can take them down! [Though lately...] I guess recently though there's been some really scary ones...

[callbacks]

Mm. That's always how it goes, doesn't it. It's fine until it isn't.

[usedgravity]

I mean, I guess you're not wrong... but with All Might and all the other pro-heroes, I'm sure they can handle anything that might get thrown their way!

[callbacks]

Pro-heroes, huh? So it's like a career? Like...pro sports players?

[He's pretty sure that's how sports work.]

[usedgravity]

Yeah, kinda! They're paid by the government based on the work they do, catching criminals or helping out with rescues or all sorts of things like that!

[callbacks]

Okay, yeah, I was gonna say. That sounds like something the government would probably want to get its regulations over. Christ knows if we'd been running around back on Earth fucking up the timestream and whipping up lava tornadoes every-goddamn-where, someone would've taken issue.

[usedgravity]

Oh yeah, you have to get licensing and everything - you can't just let everyone just run around using their Quirks in the middle of the city causing trouble. It'd definitely be a huge problem if you just came in starting lava tornadoes!

[callbacks]

Admittedly, it would look pretty awesome.

[usedgravity]

I mean, if you did it somewhere safe, probably!

[She's pretty sure it'd be a lot less awesome if he did it where someone could get hurt]