[video]

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

So, uh, guys. So guys! I know this is all really basic pokemon 101 stuff. Sure. Okay. These things...rapidly evolve, even though that's not at all how evolution works, and I know that without even being a nerdy biologist. But. This is allllll...pretty sudden.

So, here, here's me and the team like a week or two ago. [A selfie comes up as an attachment, his dork-ass face, serene Mareep, Voltorb cuddled into her, sleepy Stunky, Buizel doing a dorky pose, Bellsprout pretending she doesn't care, and Gastly hamming it up with a wink and his big tongue.]

Aaaand here's the team now. [He pulls back and gets out of frame--it looks like he's at the National Park now that you get to see more--to show said team with four of them having evolved.]

Y'see what I mean? This is...okay, this shit was fucked up beforehand, what with pinecones with eyes and sentient metal balls, but this is not how biology do. [Andy still manages to look angry despite the generally happier Electrode face. It is an eternal grump, and what it's grumpy about right now, other than a new round of Church bitching, is that it can no longer cuddle in Woolite's fluff. Slimer's just happy to have actual hands and eyes that fit his body! Sister...is less than thrilled. That tends to be her usual state, but still. Richard the Floatzel looks more at ease in his bigger bod, though. Still a massive fucking dork, believe him.

While they're all playing with each other, including Dexter, mostly dragged around by Richard, Church settles on a bench and leans in.]

I dunno, guys. I mean, it means they're stronger, right? They're stronger, and bigger and better. And they're still the same as they were before. Maybe they're like teenagers, or like twenty-somethings? Will they still be the same, or is their personality gonna settle down into something else? If you get a dog, the dog doesn't turn into a wolf. It stays a dog, the same dog, the same looking dog, the whole time. I'm just kind of...concerned, I guess. That I won't bond as well with my team if they've changed. What's Andy gonna do when he's pissy at me? Instead of rolling over my foot, he'll bowl me over and break some bones? Sister's gonna get a fucking complex about her figure.

Anyway biology doesn't work that way and shit is weird, what else is new. I'll be back in Goldenrod soon, now that my guys are strong enough to take the shortcut way around. I'll figure out where to go from there.

Comments

Video

[bent_the_world]

I think they just call any changes 'evolution'.

I have a giant water dragon that started out as a goldfish. It's the coolest thing!

They're still your team, though! They're just growing up, like you said.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

A goldfish turned into a dragon. Jesus christ at least all of mine still look mostly the way they did before but...bigger.

[bent_the_world]

Magikarp are way more cool than they look.

I used to be able to hold her in one hand, and now I ride on her head.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

[He glances away at his troupe.] I don't think I'll do that for any of these guys, but maybe some of the others if they get bigger... I mean, I might even be able to ride on my rock-dactyl?

[bent_the_world]

I bet you could! You can ride all kinds of Pokemon. Some of them you need special badges for, though. It's...kind of weird.

When my Growlithe evolves, he'll be big enough to ride, too! And way more practical than a stories high water dragon...

Are you going to do the gym challenges?

Video

[usedlightscreen]

You know, I was worried about them changing too when mine first started evolving. But other than Rascal coming out of his shell a little-

[North.]

they really don't change that much personality-wise. To use the dog analogy, it's like if you have a St. Bernard that loves to sit in your lap as a puppy, one day you'll realize that it's no longer a lap dog, even if your dog doesn't realize it. If it's really bad, you can teach them not to, but Pokemon are smart enough by themselves I think to know that they've got to be gentle with us humans.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

[Oh. Oh this is awkward. This is awkward! Does North think this is awkward? Church thinks this is awkward. They haven't talked since the whole prom...thing. Does he say nothing and let it slide? Does he...does he say something? It would look bad if he got ignored, right?]

Uh. Uhhh. Noted. Yeah. I mean big metal ball is still gonna be a bitchy grumpy metal ball as ever. Just...bigger. Stuff like that.

[usedlightscreen]

[North chuckles warmly. If he's awkward, he's sure not showing it.]

Pretty much. I have a Beartic that I kind of spoiled as a Cubchoo, so now he's about...ehhh, eight feet? and still thinks he's a lap bear.

Lucky for me his favorite thing to do is his best impression of a bear skin rug.

[He's just gonna show off the big-ass Beartic flopped on the floor in the living room, where a normal living room would keep an ottoman or coffee table. Nope. Just giant furry bear ass.]

So you're headed to Goldenrod? Great! If you don't want to shell out for an inn or crash in the Center, you're welcome to stay with us. We've got a couple guest rooms.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

Geez, what a monster. At least my skunk is barely big enough to be a pillow. Which I wouldn't do because...skunk. So. Yeah.

[The offer isssss even more awkward!] Are you...sure you and the other guys would want me to stay there? With you. With you three and your bajillion critters and eggs.

[usedlightscreen]

Of course. The more the merrier. Your pokemon will have plenty of playmates, we've got all types and species over here for them to play with.

Besides, we could use an excuse to have a barbecue.

[He will de-awkward this situation with pure marshmallow]

[Video]

[grapeeater]

I know biology doesn't work that way but apparently it does here. Also your Pokemon shouldn't attack you if you've trained them well.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

Ahahaha, you've never met Andy. He's a nasty piece of work. [The Electrode sparks just a little somewhere in the background.] You heard what I said! He doesn't really attack me. He just gets fussy and rolls over my foot when he wants me to pay him attention or whatever. Can't really do that now. I could sit on him and not touch the floor.

[grapeeater]

... You can't retrain him to just nudge you? Ah... I guess that's a stupid question, you would have already tried that...

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

He doesn't--he doesn't actually attack me, dude. I'm just making a point that he can't do the thing he did before, and, y'know, have you ever been around big dogs that still think they're lap dogs? It could be like that.

[grapeeater]

I meant like... rather than roll over your foot, since that might hurt now. But no, not really. Not like... actual dogs rather than Pokemon. I never had pets growing up.

[video]

[quickattackjack]

Pokemon are full of surprises! Luckily, most of them are good surprises.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

...I mean, I wouldn't really want to know what a bad surprise would be, unless it's a big mess. I think for the moment I'm gonna file this one under neutral.

[quickattackjack]

Hm...

_{[Jack taps his chin thoughtfully.]}

Well, I do know some Pokemon can evolve into more than one thing. I suppose not getting the one you wanted could be considered a bad surprise.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

What, like, it could evolve one way, but also another? Man, I am just...learning things left and right like a nerd. I might have to do research. Make sure my guys are what they ought to be.

[quickattackjack]

Take Eevee for instance! It can become one of seven different Pokemon when it evolves! Most of those use a stone, but others depend on the time of day and your Eevee's happiness!

[islandshore]

Heh. With Pokémon, you kinda have to throw everything you knew about biology out the window. I've seen spontaneous head growth, a snake-like dragon suddenly sprouting limbs, a fish turning into a serpent...

[He throws up his hands, then shrugs his shoulders.]

As far as behavior goes, it really depends. Some of my Pokémon barely changed when they evolved. Others became like totally different people-- well, monsters.

Guess it also depends on how they evolve, how soon they evolve. I think a Pokémon that's forced to evolve from a stone at birth is gonna handle it differently than one that waits.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

You can force these critters to change like that? [He hooks a thumb over his shoulder at the on and off screen antics in the background somewhere.] That's... The word 'weird' is gonna start losing its meaning soon, so that's, I dunno, it sounds kind of cruel?

[islandshore]

Depends on if they want it or not. I mean, some Pokémon are pretty eager to evolve. The real problem's that most who evolve from stones lose out on move opportunities.

And then you've got the ones that evolve from trading...

[There's a short pause, and he pinches the bridge of his nose.]

Even letting a friend borrow a Pokémon might trigger a random evolution.

[motherfucking_ghosttype]

...I feel like I should be writing this all down. List of Things That Might Trigger Evolution In Fuck Knows What. To try and keep it straight.

[islandshore]

I've actually got a pretty comprehensive list now. Think one of my favorites is stuffing a squid into a bottle and spinning it around.

[Said with the straightest face. Yes, he's not making this up. It is real. Somehow.]