victory_road | 49th treasure [audio]

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49th treasure [audio]

[Late in the evening, when all innocent ears should be fast asleep, Ash's voice is preceeded by a sigh and rustling pages.]

"Her legs felt as wobbly as a pair of Goomies when he removed his shirt, revealing muscles a Machamp would surely envy. She could feel a burning passion in her inner Bidoof, stronger than any Fire Blast could be. Even a herd of dancing Zebstrikas could not have drawn her gaze away."

[His reading stops abruptly, interrupted by barely restrained laughter.]

This is either the best or the worst annversary present I've ever received.

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[No, Ash, please go ahead she's eating this shit up--it's the best entertainment Jade's had in a while.]

Seriously? That's worse than my friend's shitty romance novels. [Friend/ex-boyfriend, whatever.] An Aggron would be jealous--what, is the Aggron supposed to want to join in too? So weird.

Size, maybe? There was a Arbok comparison a few pages back, but that might have been about her braid. That paragraph was two pages long, I kinda lost track of things in the middle.

[He's learned about ten words to describe black hair, though.]

I couldn't say, personally. In this weird life we live few things confuse me more than lovingly comparing a man's anatomy to something like Drill Peck and that, like, sells? For reasons besides comedy! I am about 80% certain there are people who unironically enjoy this!

[How many orbs were there, Ash. How many.]

There's a market for everything, I'm sure. Including romance novels that take their metaphors too seriously while somehow managing to snuff out every personality their leads show.

[About half as many as there were 'miniature dive balls'.]

Pfft--what personality? All we get is "I'm not pretty but I'm not ugly either" McBoringJeans and a magical ScotsVikingMcLovesALot with a 54 pack and rock-solid ass, right?

For one glorious scene we got "I'll act ditzy so I can get video proof of you abusing that Magikarp, creep". After that, though... Not that Muscley Metapod is any better, mind you.

Dude, I know what you mean when you say "Muscley Metapod" but I am definitely picturing a Metapod with super buff arms romancing a lady.

It's not a very romantic image.

[But it is very funny.]

How can you say this? Everyone with good taste wants to be swept off their feet by a buff Metapod. Buff Metapods are extremely romantic. And dreamy.

[He's practically choking, but he manages to not laugh as he speaks.]

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