49th treasure [audio]

[captainash]

[Late in the evening, when all innocent ears should be fast asleep, Ash's voice is preceeded by a sigh and rustling pages.]

"Her legs felt as wobbly as a pair of Goomies when he removed his shirt, revealing muscles a Machamp would surely envy. She could feel a burning passion in her inner Bidoof, stronger than any Fire Blast could be. Even a herd of dancing Zebstrikas could not have drawn her gaze away."

[His reading stops abruptly, interrupted by barely restrained laughter.]

This is either the best or the worst annversary present I've ever received.

Comments

[Video]

[notmyrealname]

[Do you see her face? That is the face of someone very amused by this entire situation.]

Someone gave you a horribly trashy romance novel for your anniversary?

[audio]

[captainash]

Many someones gave me a trashy romance novel for my anniversary. Well, I guess it's Dark Hound's anniversary, too.

[Video]

[notmyrealname]

Oh so this was a gift from your Pokemon!

[Cissnei chokes back a laugh, shaking her head.]

That makes it all the more amusing. What taste they have~

[audio]

[captainash]

Sweet, isn't it? I'm not sure if they picked the book at random or if they tried asking someone for recommendations, but they sure picked an... interesting writer.

[Video]

[notmyrealname]

It is. Very thoughtful of them.

[And hilarious. So hilarious holy crap.]

I would pay money to see the look on someone's face when your Pokemon attempted to purchase that.

[rambling_runner]

[ Oh god what ]

Holy. Shit. Your partner gave you that for your anniversary with em??

[audio]

[captainash]

Partners, of the furry and feathery kind. Wasn't it nice of them?

[rambling_runner]

...Is that legal here??

[ HE'S NOT SURE WHAT TO THINK OF THAT. ]

[captainash]

[...On the one hand, this is obviously a terrible misunderstanding. On the other hand...]

Why would it not be legal? I've seen plenty of people with multiple partners around here. Including kids.

[On the other hand, this is hilarious.]

[borschtkot]

GROSS, MAN WHY WOULD YOU POST THAT?!

[ Disgusted teenager ahoy. ]

[audio]

[captainash]

Because if I'm going to suffer, I'm dragging everyone down with me.

[A beat.]

Also, I was expecting everyone under twenty to be asleep by now.

: [audio]

[borschtkot]

Yeah right, some of the best Pokemon are out at night.

[audio]

[captainash]

True. Hoothoot, Spinarak and Zubats are great if you can find them. And if you don't mind giant spiders.

[video]

[eclectictype]

[Jade is technically still a teenager.

And she finds this HILARIOUS.]

Oh my god! What--dude, you can't just leave it at that, I need to hear more!

[audio]

[captainash]

Let's see now...

[Ash should really know better than to corrupt a minor like this, yet he still flips through the pages.]

"No Metapod could use Harden as impressively as this. Even an Aggron would be jealous." ...Jealous of what exactly, the text does not say.

[audio]

[eclectictype]

[No, Ash, please go ahead she's eating this shit up--it's the best entertainment Jade's had in a while.]

Seriously? That's worse than my friend's shitty romance novels. [Friend/ex-boyfriend, whatever.] An Aggron would be jealous--what, is the Aggron supposed to want to join in too? So weird.

[audio]

[captainash]

Size, maybe? There was a Arbok comparison a few pages back, but that might have been about her braid. That paragraph was two pages long, I kinda lost track of things in the middle.

[He's learned about ten words to describe black hair, though.]

audio

[overtwohundred]

[ Oh man. Nisha can't help but let out a full-belly laugh. ]

This is the kinda shit people eat up here?

audio

[captainash]

It has to have some popularity, since it can easily be found in bookstores. If only as entertainment during bachelor and bachelorette parties.

audio

[overtwohundred]

Ha! Can't imagine people read it for the gripping story. Bonus, too: You can wipe your ass with the pages when you're done.

audio

[captainash]

The bonus is non-existent, I'm sorry to say. The paper they use is rough enough to sand a chair.

video;

[schachmeister]

[Armin is nearly seventeen, so he listens with mixed horror and slight very shoved down interest. Cause one the one hand, that's porn. But also, that's porn.]

S-should you really be reading that here?

[audio]

[captainash]

I was under the impression that young people went to bed at reasonable hours, silly me.

[He hasn't been a young person in a while, obviously.]

Besides, how could I not share such a wonderful present with the masses?

[audio]

[schachmeister]

[Kids in this world have no supervision. We are a conch away from a Lord of the Flies scenario. There are probably children listening to this right now.]

Wouldn't they be able to listen back to this in the morning?

And-- ...is that even how it works?

[Like. Is it? He has no clue. Which part of the lady is the bidoof?]

[audio]

[captainash]

Well, now, if they're willing to poke at silly messages sent at ridiculous hours, they deserve to deal with Goomy legs.

[No pity or sympathy there.]

...No, it's not. Romance novels are the worst possible source of sex ed in the world, even when everyone says yes and no clothes are violently ripped off.