victory_road | 001 ♟ audio/video

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001 ♟ audio/video

[There's no video for this broadcast, just audio. Well. There's background noise, anyway, for a few seconds. Then someone awkwardly clears his throat.]

Um, is this... working? [Huh, funny. Isn't that voice familiar? The tone's a little off, but the sound of it's definitely the same as that Jack guy, right?] How... How do I know if it's...

Oh! Wait, the light's on, that probably means people are listening and... hearing me talk to myself... like an idiot. Great. Cool.

[...He quickly clears his throat. Right, yeah, let's not keep talking to himself like a moron, that's no way to make a first impression.]

I mean. Hello there, youuuuu, ah, lovely... people. Oh god, that was terrible. This is... Jack. Handsome Jack. That's... me. In the flesh. I mean, not that you can see that, but--

Just. Just got a quick question. I... These Pokémon things, they're supposed to be like... animals, right? Um. I'm just gonna turn on the video for this, one sec... [And then the video feed clicks on, showing off one very excited Ditto, smiling right at the camera.] So... Seriously, what the hell is up with this thing? This is just... I don't even know. Someone used some jello for a science class and something went wrong or whatever? It's kinda freaking me out a little...

[The Ditto doesn't seem bothered being talked about like this, still looking as happy as can be.]

I... don't really know what to do with it. Do I like... feed it? Does it eat? It doesn't look like it eats, but... don't wanna kill it by mistake.

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Well! That is way more information than I ever wanted to know about this thing. Yeah... Yeah, alright, make sure it doesn't go on some crazy... breeding spree? Ew.

God, how does that even wo-- why am I asking that question, nevermind, do not tell me.

Even if I wanted to, I could not. The manner in which certain Pokémon breed with other species is completely unknown to us, and I've yet to meet someone who is not extremely thankful for that. Besides, you'll never need to know.

[A beat.]

Unless you've been designated as a breeder, in which case your initial work will be extemely easy.

Yeah, uh, I don't think so. So I'm just... not gonna even think about all this. Guess I'll just keep it away from other creatures...

It... Him? I don't even know. Whatever.

[Uuuugh he's never gonna be able to not think about this now. Of course he'd get a sex crazed blob. Just perfect.]

So the blob part, that's just totally normal, right? I mean, I don't have to worry about it... I don't know, dissolving in the rain or something?

You've no need to worry about that. Not only will it be fine in any sort of weather, it also has no weakness to Water-type moves. Punches and kicks are a much greater danger to it than any forn of precipitation. ...Though it'd still be unkind to leave it outside during a snowstorm.

[Just so they're clear about that.]

So it... it just looks weird, but it's otherwise normal.

...I mean, normal-ish. What passes for normal here. I guess that's good? I mean, it's weird, but I don't want anything to happen to it. I'd just feel like a jerk.

But uh... Thanks for the tips.

You're welcome. As far as this world is concerned, Dittos are as normal as anything can be. Type distribution makes very little sense, sometimes. Do you have any other questions about this world or your new partner? I've been here for almost six years and have a Ditto of my own; I can answer most.

I don't know, uh... Anything I should know to make sure this thing doesn't like... die.

Oooor anything I should know to make sure I don't die, I guess.

[He's joking on that second one. Mostly. Kinda.]

That'll hardly be a problem. People who receive what should be mortal injuries merely wake up in one piece at the nearest Pokémon Center. As far as anyone can tell, we cannot die.

[A beat.]

But starving, drowning or breaking your neck would still be very unpleasant experiences. Don't eat the berries you find on the road, don't try to climb the ledges, and don't hesitate to run from a battle if your Pokémon is tired.

Wait, wh... what? Are you sure? Cause that sounds really impossible and kinda fake?

[No weapons is one thing. No death is just... what.]

Solid advice. Do... Do people regularly just eat random berries they find on an alien planet, that that's something you have to warn against?

I am. Multiple individuals have... shared their experiences on the network, whether they were accidental or deliberate.

[Yes, someone did get themself deliberately mortally injured to test it out. No, he does not encourage a repeat of that particular experiment.]

Not if they have any sense, but those particular berries can be safely eaten by Pokémon, and are in fact greatly loved by them. It's easy to assume that they'd be safe for human consumption.

...Wow. Okay. That's dark. And kinda insane.

[Why the hell would you-- Okay, no, people are dumb, of course someone tried it out on purpose. But... still, holy shit.]

Uh... I mean... not really? Animals eat stuff humans can't safely consume all the time, especially when it comes to berries and similar-- I'm already giving this more thought than anyone who just ate the berries ever did, aren't I?

Indeed, but you must take into account that many of the new arrivals are children. Unsupervised and untrained children, who much prefer exploring to reading their brand new guide book. Adults, while not rare, are still the minority.

[Will someone please think of the children?]

Shit, seriously, there's that many kids around? Just... on their own here?

That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Death or no death...

Thankfully, most travel in large groups or attach themselves to willing adults. But 'most' is still not quite all, and travel groups have been known to be separated by random teleportation accidents.

Jeez, that sounds really bad. I mean, kids just wandering around... Uh... Guess it is safer here than some planets, at least, but still...

And I guess they at last get a nice pet mutant to help 'em out... Weird as that is.

The nice pet mutant does help a lot. So do the next twenty they catch, as a matter of fact; they tend to adapt to that aspect of the world even more quickly than the adults.

Right, right, that's uh... something about kids, huh? They're way more adaptable. Don't question as much.

Wish I could go with the flow that easily.

I've no doubt you'll manage to adapt splendidly. Unless you arrive at the end of May, October or November, this world is gentle enough to ease you into its pecularities.

Last place I adapted to was way worse, so... yeah, probably.

And, huh, good to know I got lucky with the timing th--

[Wait, hold the fucking phone.]

Whoa, wait, wait, wait. What... happens in those months?

Visitors' Weekend Madness, Halloween, and Visitors' Weekend Madness once more, respectively. The weekends are merely busy with some unexpected teleportation, but Halloween can be... alarming.

Alarming. So... that's ominous.

Just saying, y'know, alarming can mean a lot of different things. How alarming are we talking here? Scale of one to ten?

...I would say three for the good years and seven for the bad, but as I come from a world much more dangerous than this land my scale and yours might not match.

Uh, well, the last place I was at was very deadly, so... Let's assume it's the same scale. Which isn't very encouraging. A seven is entirely too high for comfort...

Well, guess I know which time to start dreading.

Thankfully, while those periods are often unpleasant, they are also extremely short. It is also impossible for us to die here, which... can sometimes be a blessing.

Edited 2016-08-24 22:56 (UTC)

I... guess that's good? Short. Right, okay. And it's at the same times, so you can kinda prepare for it? Sure is a step up from what I'm used to.

I'd say "it's impossible to die" is usually a blessing.

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