001 ♟ audio/video

[secondhandsome]

[There's no video for this broadcast, just audio. Well. There's background noise, anyway, for a few seconds. Then someone awkwardly clears his throat.]

Um, is this... working? [Huh, funny. Isn't that voice familiar? The tone's a little off, but the sound of it's definitely the same as that Jack guy, right?] How... How do I know if it's...

Oh! Wait, the light's on, that probably means people are listening and... hearing me talk to myself... like an idiot. Great. Cool.

[...He quickly clears his throat. Right, yeah, let's not keep talking to himself like a moron, that's no way to make a first impression.]

I mean. Hello there, youuuuu, ah, lovely... people. Oh god, that was terrible. This is... Jack. Handsome Jack. That's... me. In the flesh. I mean, not that you can see that, but--

Just. Just got a quick question. I... These Pokémon things, they're supposed to be like... animals, right? Um. I'm just gonna turn on the video for this, one sec... [And then the video feed clicks on, showing off one very excited Ditto, smiling right at the camera.] So... Seriously, what the hell is up with this thing? This is just... I don't even know. Someone used some jello for a science class and something went wrong or whatever? It's kinda freaking me out a little...

[The Ditto doesn't seem bothered being talked about like this, still looking as happy as can be.]

I... don't really know what to do with it. Do I like... feed it? Does it eat? It doesn't look like it eats, but... don't wanna kill it by mistake.

Comments

Video

[veggie_vamp]

But that'll be really confusing... Oh, I'll call you Jack the Second! Like a prince!

Video

[secondhandsome]

Yeah, it gets a little weird. I don't really care what people call me, I mean... hell, my team just kinda went with different variations of not-Jack for the most part.

Oh, yeah, Jack's called me Jack the Second a few times too.

Video

[veggie_vamp]

It's nice to meet you, Jack the Second! I'm Draculaura!

Video

[secondhandsome]

Right. Nice to meet you...

That's a... pretty unique name you got there.

Video

[veggie_vamp]

Everybody says that! I guess it's cause I'm named after my dad.

Video

[secondhandsome]

Your dad.

...Iiiiis your dad's name what I think it is?

Video

[veggie_vamp]

If you think it's Dracula, then you're right!

Video

[secondhandsome]

Wow... Someone in your family must be super into vampires.

Video

[veggie_vamp]

Kind of, since I am a vampire?

Video

[secondhandsome]

Oh, ha... Right.

[...]

...Wait.

You're not... serious, right?

Video

[veggie_vamp]

Well technically this place turned me into a human, but I'm supposed to be a vampire!

Video

[secondhandsome]

...So this is the part where I want to say something denying that's possible, but uh.

Seeing as I got transported to another planet full of cute, colorful abominations by what I'm told is a space llama... I get the feeling maybe I should keep an open mind here.

[Like... Honestly, fuck it, he'll go with it.]

Vampires. Right. Why not.

Video

[veggie_vamp]

Oh, good, sometimes it takes a lot longer to convince people!

Video

[secondhandsome]

I wouldn't say I'm convinced so much as choosing to just roll with it.

Video

[veggie_vamp]

It still works!

[secondhandsome]

If you say so.

So, uh... how well do you know Jack, anyway?

[veggie_vamp]

We haven't met in person yet, but he's always super nice, and always has funny things to say!

[secondhandsome]

Huh... Really? Not really the description I would've expected.

[Jack. Nice.

Ha.]

Oh, uh. Sorry in advance that I'm not all that much like him. Even if I'm... paid to be him.

[veggie_vamp]

Don't worry about it! If you were exactly the same, it'd be kinda boring. You should always be you.

[secondhandsome]

Ha, well. Technically speaking my job means I can't exactly be me, but uh. I try anyway.

I'm not really all that great at being Jack anyway.

[veggie_vamp]

But you don't have to do your job here!

[secondhandsome]

Eh, my boss is here, so I kinda do? Still under contract for about... six more years.

[veggie_vamp]

But he can't do his job either, whatever it is!

[secondhandsome]

His job's not really relevant to mine, actually. Would you believe when he hired me to be his body double, he was just a programmer?

I mean. A programmer with a body double, seriously...

[Not like it stayed that way for all that long, but man, that's still so weird.]

Anyway, I work for Jack and that's just how it is, y'know?

[veggie_vamp]

Well... what's the worst that can happen here if you don't? You're not even in the same town right now, I bet.