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[joustfriends]

[The feed starts out... upside down, and then changes directions a few times as Galavant tilts the device around, squinting at it. He's actually on a ferry currently, and clearly just about bored out of his mind given the topic he's opted to spend his time worrying about. Never mind introducing himself or reading the manual or, y'know, something productive.]

Oh, what do you know. It works. [Fancy that!] Wonderful. Got a question. Super important.

Where would one go about purchasing a sword? Not that I don't think the dog's capable of maiming my enemies if needed. I mean, look at those teeth.

[He gestures with a hand towards the Bidoof sleeping near his feet. Yes. 'Dog'.]

But I'm really just looking for a good old-fashioned sword. I don't even know what happened to my last one. But I need one. Have you ever met a hero without a sword? Hm? A non-dead hero? No. You haven't. I really cannot stress the importance of this enough.

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[tookashirototheknee]

Actually, I have. I know a hero with heavy ammunition, a hero with a sniper rifle, a hero with a knife, a hero with a small hand-held blade, and a hero who just uses his hand.

But... uh, no, sorry. I don't know where to get a sword.

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[joustfriends]

Well, anyone can claim something outrageous as that. I mean, really. Sniper rifles aren't even a real thing. And his hand? One good stab and he'd be down. Have you ever been stabbed in the hand? Awful.

[Still, though, he at least seems to consider some of it for a while.]

But I think I could settle for a knife. I mean, what are knives but swords for babies?

[tookashirototheknee]

[It probably wouldn't help if Matt said they were all pilots of flying robot lions.]

I have, actually. It was awful. But, well, my friend's hand is metal. You couldn't stab him if you tried.

I have a feeling you're from a bit... earlier than I am.

Sorry. I... have a tendency of being pretty sarcastic sometimes. I actually haven't seen much in the way of weaponry around here other than like... kitchen knives. One of my friends makes knives, though. He might be willing to make you one.

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[onetwoboom]

['Sup, it's Gaige coming to you live from the arms of a turtle.]

Give me some materials and sweet little wad of cash on the side and I could give you something that's sword-adjacent.

[You know. Whatever that means.]

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[joustfriends]

[He snaps his fingers and points at the camera, absolutely no hesitation.]

Deal. I'll melt down Richard's belongings and you can have half of whatever money he's got on him currently.

[Look as long as it can stab people and he looks cool wielding it it's fine!!]

[onetwoboom]

Damn! You don't mess around. I like it.

[Metal finger snap! ...She might've just dislodged her thumb. It's fine.]

It's gonna take some time, of course. Kinda need to get my hands on some tools, but. It's fine. The deal is sealed. Heroes always gotta wait for bad-ass weapons anyways. That stuff about finding them in convenient lakes and rocks? Total bull.

[Just gonna...fiddle with her thumb there. Try and smush it back in.]

What's with the hero deal, anyway? World need saving?

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[neverstudied]

[Oh, hey. Someone else who chose to take the ferry to Kanto. Venkman switches on the night-vision on his Pokegear- it's clear he's in some sort of dark cave with a low ceiling. The echo is pretty substantial on his end.]

I thiiiiink I heard that people aren't able to get weapons in this world. I mean, you can try, but you'll probably get arrested. There's some little monsters who look like weapons, though... Yeah, I think there is a sword one!

[Dear God, don't let Galavant find a Honedge and immediately die.]

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[joustfriends]

Arrested? For owning a weapon? What kind of ridiculous law is that?

[--wait.]

Wait, hold on a second. Did you say a monster that looks like a sword? You must be joking, that's even better! Where can I find one?

[it's always sunny font: Galavant finds a Honedge and immediately dies]

[neverstudied]

I dunno, man. Just how this universe works. [He shrugs, and the bird on his shoulder flutters her wings irritably at the movement.] Go find this universe's NRA or whatever if you're that concerned about it.

Yeah. It's a ghost of some kind. I heard something about it being cursed, but that's pretty par for the course with ghosts anyway.

[It's times like this where it'd be really, really helpful if Venkman actually bothered to do real research instead of just waiting for Spengler or Stanz to do it for him.]

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[pkemeter]

[In an incredibly flat tone--]

I believe that there is a Pokémon that resembles a sword called Honedge. I would advise looking into capturing one with one of your containment units.

[Then, after a pause.]

Also, your "dog" does not appear to be a canine--rather, it seems to be a medium-sized rodent resembling a beaver or a groundhog.

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[joustfriends]

Right. Yes. Rodent was going to be my second guess. I was very close. [He clears his throat.]

In any case, severing someone's limbs with a monster shaped like a sword is pretty much the coolest thing I can possibly imagine, so thanks for the tip. I'll go catch seventy of them.

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[pkemeter]

The sword is possessed by the spirit of a dead human being. Please record whatever observations you have regarding its behavior--ghosts and the supernatural are my field of study.

[Then, after a pause--]

Do you have seventy containment units?

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[shiro2hero]

There's a sword Pokemon. But that's about as good as you're going to get here.

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[joustfriends]

Mm. Yeah. So I've been told. Honestly, I'm not very impressed. Tell your sword to kill somebody or just kill them yourself? I mean... [He holds out his hands and tips them back and forth, like he's weighing his options.] Easier to just cut out the middleman.

But, as a concept? A sword-monster is incredibly good. I'll give you that.

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[shiro2hero]

I really don't think you're going to have to worry about killing here. Or being killed. I've been here two years now, and that's never come up. Not even in battles.

[Yes, it's weird, it's really, really weird. But kind of nice.]

It's called "Honedge". If you can look it up.

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[plasticasshole]

I own a Honedge, I'd recommend it as an alternative. As for an actual sword, I'm not sure that's allowed here, so I highly doubt you'll find one being sold anywhere.

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[joustfriends]

Right, sure, but it's kind of... kind of ehh, you know? Settling. Alternatives. Who's the king here? I'd like to talk to him. I'm sure we can reach a compromise on the sword thing.

[video]

[paladinlost]

There are no swords to be found here, I'm sorry to say, beyond wooden practice weapons that might still get you arrested.

[If Cecil's frustration on the subject was tangible, it would have choked him long ago.]

Still, you'd be surprised by the variety of weapons heroic-minded people can use. I know some who can tear dragons apart with harps and whips, or even mere daggers. Not that we're allowed daggers.

[video]

[joustfriends]

[Not even daggers? Good lord.]

So. Fist-fighting, then? Brawling? That's all we've got to work with? Or are we talking like an actual ban on violence as a whole, because let me tell you, it is incredibly difficult to solve disputes without resorting to throwing someone through a window sometimes.

[video]

[exeggutorhead]

I wish.

It'd be nice to at least have a knife, or something to carry around that wasn't alive.

[Envy may not be in the murdering business anymore, but STILL. It'd be nice to have just to HAVE. He sighs heavily.]

But since we don't get to have anything like that, carrying around a fire breathing dragon or a lightning horse is a decent trade-off.

Or that one that you have. That's okay too, I'm sure.

[His tone didn't change a bit from put-upon commiseration but the jab is absolutely deliberate. This guy started with a Bidoof.]

[video]

[joustfriends]

That's exactly what I'm saying! Telling your dog or- or your haunted sword to kill someone is all fine and well, but it would be so much easier if I could just cut out the middle man. Have a good old-fashioned stabbing. I can't believe that--

[It's around that time he finally processes the slightly less than favorable analysis of Galavant Junior. He pauses, and then narrows his eyes a bit.]

Just okay? Have you seen him? Look at the size of those teeth. The hatred in his eyes. He's champion material, no question. Better than any dragon or... flaming horse or whatever.

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[lifebloomsanew]

There's a Pokemon that's a sword!

But there aren't any sword-swords here that I've ever seen. But a hero doesn't need a sword, just a good heart and a belief in what's right.

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[joustfriends]

...Right. Okay. That's all fine and well, but let me tell you, when you're getting mugged by pirates a good heart won't get you very far. You know what will get you far? A sword. Or even a dagger.

[He sighs.] Or, in this case, a Pokemon that's a sword. Beggars can't be choosers, I suppose.

[islandshore]

[Riku shakes his head and sighs. Boy, this is a familiar subject for him.

He's spent almost ten years here, after all. In all that time, after so many catastrophes...]

Sorry, but it's like everyone else said. Weapons are banned here. Think it's due to wanting to keep the Pokemon safe.

[He scowls.]

Pretty stupid, if you ask me. Pokemon can easily be weaponized against people, and they just want us to be squishy targets.

[...]

Still, you can... get creative. Frying pans, pipes, baseball bats... there are ways to work between the lines, if you're sneaky enough.

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[songoftime]

I've met heroes who don't have swords. [Says the ten-year-old heralded throughout his land's history fo being a hero with a holy sword, but, listen, we're not here to talk about that.]

You don't need a sword to be safe here. Your Pokémon will keep you safe. But I thought it felt strange to make them fight for me, too. [If Link is honest, it still feels weird, and... wrong. He feels like he should be the one protecting them, not the other way around. Or at the very least, fighting at their side.]

If you find a Honedge, you should be careful. They don't like it when you try to wield them like a sword.