victory_road | 001

[Out of all the horrible things that have happened so far this week, the worst is yet to come. It's some guy and he looks into the feed like everyone just played some sort of huge prank on him. It certainly feels that way, being told he's gotta trek three days in the snow certainly sounds like a joke.

Thankfully it looks like he's hastily slapped on some kind of winter outfit, his giant hair sticking out from under the hat that barely wants to stay on. From what can be seen of his jacket, it appears to stick out unnaturally and even wiggle about, probably the pokémon he was given. Anything to stay warm.]

Hey, sooo, I know you're all havin' a really fun time right now, but I'm freezing my ass off and my communicator ain't working. So I'm using this one. Anyway, quick question, what kinda planet invents the video phone and not something like, I dunno...a bus?

[Dandy feels like this is an incredibly valid question.]

If you find one good lookin' corpse, don't touch my wallet, I swear to-- [But before he can continue, the wiggling intensifies and Dandy's face suddenly breaks out in all smiles, an extreme contrast to the face he was just making. He laughs like an idiot and falls to his knees, the video shaking and losing focus in the process.] NO! S-STOP!! That...that tickles...!!

[And it cuts...]

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[Here comes the other asshole! Or at least, the other animated and bodyswapped one.]

Believe me, I've been asking myself that since I got here. My suggestion? Pick up a monster that you can ride. I lucked out by finding a two-headed ostrich pretty early on. They're dicks, but they can run a lot faster'n I can.

[This is a prank, this has to be a prank, Ray would never say that about a two-headed ostrich.

Also he's a cartoon.]

Yeah, I'm not really in the position to wrestle ostriches right now, thanks.

[Not when he's juggling a baby in his jacket.]

So, like, did I miss something...? You're like the second dude who looks like they came right outta the Ghostbusters... And, uh, no offense, but you both got the personalities waaaaaaay wrong. I don't think you're even trying to emulate the pure joy Ray Stantz would have over a two-headed ostrich.

[At the very least, all this nerding out is distracting him from his imminent death.]

Then you can walk. [Shrugs.] Good luck trying not to die out there. Especially if you don't have fire.

... Wait, wait, wait, you recognize us? Oh my God. You know us! That makes you the second person in the last couple days to-

... Oh. Yeah, about that. Ray and I got body-swapped. This is Dr. Peter Venkman in the body of Ray Stanz. You were probably talking to Ray in my body.

It's been... Interesting.

[He's gotten headbutted by pumpkins and slapped by balloons and had a psychic baby scream "fuck" in his mind every few minutes.]

[Dandy gasps, sticking his entire face into the feed and completely forgetting about his death.]

Dude. Like that time Egon switched bodies with Slimer? [HOLY SHIT. Also...Dandy's apparently game to just accept that these are the actual characters because why not? Awesome, cartoons are real and completely indifferent towards his possible demise. It's not like he hasn't dealt with weirder.] Aw man, you gotta switch back pronto or else you two are gonna start thinking you're each other.

[That's what happened in the episode, anyway.]

Oh God, I almost forgot about that. Wait, how do you know about that?

[Venkman knows about other dimensions knowing the movie, but not that other dimensions have a cartoon based on him. You're about to either make his goddamn day or give him an existential crisis, Dandy.]

I think we're alright so far. Ray hasn't turned into a charming pessimist, and I'm not happy-go-lucky about end of the world scenarios. This world's body-swapping rules might be different from ours.

[There's nothing wrong with a good healthy dose of existential crisis.]

Uh, I only have every episode on tape? [Duh.] Even got some of the really rare ones, baby. I'm what they like to call a dedicated fan.

[It's a really nice way of saying manchild.]

I mean...if you're cool with it, you do you. It's a pretty common trope and all, you're not the only guys who've gotten into that jam. It always fixes itself in the end. Except you might start saying some weird Ray-type shit and everyone laughs while the screen fades to black.

Every... episode...

[Venkman leans way too close into the screen, his eyes wide and a stupid grin plastered on Ray's face.]

Are you saying we have a TV show where you're from? Because, holy shit, that is way better than finding out that other universes might only know me as Bill Murray.

[This revelation is WAY MORE IMPORTANT than being trapped in his partner's body, hello?]

[...It's so weird hearing Ray say "holy shit."]

Nah, everyone knows you as Garfield instead.

[And then there was the whole Dave Coulier thing, but we don't talk about that.]

... I REALLY DO SOUND LIKE GARFIELD?

[FUCK!!!]

I can't believe Spengs was right about that- goddamnit, I can't eat lasagna anymore without feeling judged.

At least until you get into your own body. I'd start chowin' down if I were you.

[Man, he could really go for lasagna, too. If only he wasn't out here dying.]

... Ok, good point, but Egon's here- well, not here right now, he's dealing with community service after getting arrested-, and he knows I'm not Ray. And he's the one who named my fucking fire cat after Garfield just to mess with me.

[At this point Venkman's just swearing as much as possible because:
-Egon's impressionable babies capable of replicating the word "fuck" aren't in the room, so Venkman isn't at risk of getting murdered by his partner
-The novelty of hearing Ray's voice yell "FUCK" has not worn off yet]

[As much as he loves swearing Ray, that's a whole lot to unpack at once.]

Yeah, I couldn't follow half of that. Let's back it up, uh, why was Egon arrested?

Edited 2019-01-23 23:19 (UTC)

You're not allowed to build weapons in this place or cause extreme property damage. He was trying to build... something that blew up in his face. Using a bunch of technology he accidentally stole. Because he's an idiot.

[A genius, definitely, but also an IDIOT.]

[Good to know in advance!]

Aaaaand you can't eat while he's pickin' up trash? Seems like an easy win to me.

I could, but what if he gets back while I'm eating? Me sitting at the table with a forkful of lasagna almost to my mouth. Him staring at me. Knowing. Judging.

Can't handle that pressure right now, man. I'm frazzled enough as it is trying to deal with all of Ray's Pokemon that think I'm their dad.

I guess, but what if he doesn't? Then when this all blows over and you're lookin' at a big nasty plate of lasagna, you're gonna look back at this and go that could've been it, that could've been my moment. Life's too short to think about the What Ifs, you gotta take chances, stick your hands inside the lasagna of possibilities and shove it in your mouth as fast as you can, baby.

[He's so, so hungry...]

...I'm sorry, did you say they think you're their dad?

... I guess you're right, but first I gotta find a place that has good lasagna, and I don't know this town at all. I literally just woke up here after body-swapping with Ray.

Yeah, Ray babies all his little monsters and treats them like his kids. It's so cute it's sickening. And it means that now they all want me to act like their dad.

Still not sure if it's better or worse than dealing with Slimer- on the one hand, there's more of 'em, but none of them are anywhere near as bad as the spud.

[Man, if he wasn't worried about making out of here alive, being the puppy daddy would make all this shit worth it...

Not that anyone needs to know this.]

Aw, and you still found the energy to help lil ol' me? I'm touched. Well, have fun chewing up your lasagna and feeding it to your little babies.

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