[004] - text

[pkemeter]

Greetings. My name is Dr. Egon Spengler. I am looking for participants in a study regarding Psychic Pokémon, particularly telepathic Pokémon, and the effects of their powers on human beings. Participants must be:

• At least 18 years old
  
• Willing to subject themselves to extremely powerful waves of psychokinetic energy
  
• Must currently be human
  
• Must not be deceased or undead in any way
  
• Must not have severe reactions to electric shocks
  
• Must not be pregnant or planning on bearing children in the next five years
  
• Must not be associated with any currently operating law enforcement agency
  
• Previous experience with the Psychic Pokémon is appreciated but not necessary

Participating in this experiment may or may not result in severe to lethal brain trauma or other unspecified side effects. Taking certain medication may alter the results of this experiment. There will be no material compensation beyond the satisfaction that knowledge has been furthered in the name of science. By participating in this experiment, you acknowledge all risk associated with the procedure.

Please contact us if you have any questions regarding the experiment.

[...He didn't...describe the actual experiment in question....]

Comments

[pkemeter]

[Egon blinks, looking genuinely confused.]

The furthering of scientific knowledge?

[Isn't that enough to motivate people?]

[pkemeter]

I'm afraid that no matter what we do, there is always the possibility that we may be physically or mentally attacked by our Pokémon, either accidentally or on purpose. One of the Pokémon under my care is showing an alarming rate of growth, and I would like to be able to know how to prevent her from digging through my thoughts at every given moment.

I can simply ask her to stop, and she usually complies, but it's more difficult to ask a younger Pokémon to comply. Thus, this is also in preparation for future Psychic Pokémon we may obtain.

[pkemeter]

[Egon, in the meantime, is busy attending to some matter on his PokéGear. Kölliker is floating over his shoulder, peering around with curiosity. The shout is enough to catch her attention, and she headbutts herself against Egon's shoulder. He glances up, then waves towards Gaige.

As Gaige walks closer to the two of them, she may experience a feeling of excitement and curiosity extended towards her, almost like a greeting. She'll hear some words in her head:]

Hi <ｂｏｏｍ ｓｈｏｕｔ ｅｘｃｉｔｅｄ ｓｍａｒｔ>!

[Egon blinks, putting away his PokéGear.] Hello, Gaige.

[pkemeter]

...I still don't entirely understand how these two things are any different.

[Why??? Won't people????? Take the risk of destroying their brains for science????]

[sociallychallenged]

I don't think so. At most they could change hair color. If they'd been able to blend in, it would have been harder to find them when we were searching for them. For the most part they just had to try and blend in with humans. Their eyes were always visible, too. Set color because they were solid devices in their heads.

[It had been weird that the android savior had a green one and a blue one, rather than exact matches.]

Easy to forget they're there because we can be such fucking assholes.

[pkemeter]

So their eyes functioned as sensors? I see. I suppose if the androids functioned exactly like humans and had the same intent as humans did, there would be little actually separating them from humans. Of course, one might argue that there exist certain biological differences between the two, but exceptions always exist within human beings that prevent this from being clearly defined.

Though I suppose bureaucracy makes most things quite complicated.

[onetwoboom]

[Even in the presence of Kolliker, Gaige seems kind of pissed off, yelling at him in what is barely a whisper.]

DUDE you can't -

[And then, when that feeling hits, and she hears that voice, all of that's thrown out of the window for intrigue and excitement.]

What - was that you?

[She asks, ignoring Egon entirely, looking over at Kolliker with wide eyes.]

[pkemeter]

[There's the feeling of confirmation, as well as...a sense of smugness? Kölliker waves her stubbly little arms around, as two different voices speak in Gaige's mind.]

Yeah!!!! [Enthusiastic, willing to show more.]

I can see everything that you're thinking right now. ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ. [Proud of one's self, trying to come off as intentionally creepy.]

[Gaige might get the distinct feeling of her mind being poked at by an invisible hand. Egon clears his throat.]

Let's not invade the privacy of people we barely know, okay, Kölliker? [He says, trying to gently persuade her against it. After a moment or two, she retreats, clearly disappointed.]

But what if she wants to have her mind read?!

[thegreenhornet]

Yeah, no. That's not gonna work. People want some reward, unless they get some of that scientific knowledge themselves. You gonna share the results with them?

[pkemeter]

Of course. What kind of scientist do you take me for?

[A mad one, probably.]

I currently do not actually have the budget to compensate people, which is why I made it clear in the advertisement that people would not be compensated. However, if people wanted monetary reward, I would be glad to later distribute money to the volunteers once I have the sufficient funds.

[thegreenhornet]

...okay, late is better than never.

[That's good! And so:]

You know what, I'll lend you a hand because I'm such a good guy.

[As if he didn't literally just push Egon to give monetary reward, even if it's in the future. Volunteering time!]

[pkemeter]

[Oh, good! More volunteers. Egon seems to brighten a little.]

Excellent. When you are ready to participate, make your way to the Goldenrod City hotel. My partners and I have been staying there for the last few weeks.

[Then, after a pause:]

Bring snacks. We don't know how long this will take.

[thegreenhornet]

...your two partners...?

[Britt blinks, like he was noticing for the first time who he was talking with]

Oh, I get it now. Venkman and Ray. Of course, I should have guessed they'd both be in this too.

[onetwoboom]

[This whole two voices & mind prodding business is...

THE coolest feeling in the world!!!]

I WANNA HAVE MY MIND READ!! [She sticks her hand up, as if she needs to make it any clearer.] C'moooooon Egon let her do it!!

[She sounds kind of like a whiny child, begging for ice cream.]

[pkemeter]

[Egon seems to hesitate for a moment, then lets out a deep sigh as he pinches the bridge of his nose.]

Yes, but only because you allowed her to do so--

[He's hardly able to finish his sentence when Kölliker practically zooms next to Gaige, digging her metaphorical hands into her Mechromancer's brain and sorting through her thoughts. She remains quiet as she works, though she'll occasionally burble with curiosity or make an excited noise.

Eventually, she says:]

STICK IT TO THE MAN! [A pause.] Who's The Man?

Sounds scary!

[Egon, on the other hand, looks exhausted.]

[adandyinspace]

you know whats really weird im pretty sure i have a bunch of psychic animals(????) and not a single one of them tries to fry my brain or eat my thoughts

am i just better at this stuff than you guys and i think i deserve a proton pack???

[ghoststanning]

Of course you can!

[Ray beams at her and he grabs Egon's hand.]

We should get going then! Before Venkman forgets how to tie his shoes or something.

[Let's go to the fucking library!!!]

[pkemeter]

We don't have proton packs in this dimension. They won't let us build them under the pretense that they are "weapons".

[adandyinspace]

and since WHEN did you start lettin em tell you what to do?

[pkemeter]

I am simply stating this information as a user posting on a public forum likely monitored by those willing to aid law enforcement, if the replies to this post are anything to go by.

[He may or may not be working on things privately.]

[adandyinspace]

oh

i get it


then maybe you could make me a ""proton pack""

[pkemeter]

Proton packs are not toys. They are tools. Improper usage of such tools may result in every single atom in your body splitting in half and then exploding into a million pieces.

Also, I do not actually have any access to nuclear power, which puts a significant dampener on whatever plans I would ordinarily have to make a "Proton Pack". But I have made progress on creating PKE meters attuned to Psychic and Ghost Pokémon.

[adandyinspace]

yeah yeah whatever i can take it, im dandy baby

...but until then you should totally hook me up with one of those meters

[pkemeter]

...

Give me three reasons why I should give you a PKE Meter. I don't intend to just give these out to whoever who asks. I want them to be used for real research purposes.

[adandyinspace]

reason one you would be fulfilling the dreams of sweet little five year old dandy who only wanted to be either luke skywalker or a ghostbuster and no one's handed me a lightsaber yet