victory_road | WHO'S THAT POKEMON?

[You were looking for someone who is 100% not put off by your appearance, Dandy? Well, look no further!

This radical dame has an axe bass slung across her back, a giant sun hat firmly on her head, and is floating about a foot off the ground. And she takes an immediate interest in the shrieking, frustrated Deino.]

Aww, what's the matter, little dude?

[Did she understand him, or was his shriek of anguish just a string of unintelligible squeaking? Who even knows. She's not telling.]

[You know, at this point, he doesn't care if people can understand him or not. He'll take whatever he can get, and he can only be eternally grateful that the first person who didn't turn away is some kinda floaty chick. With a sweet bass.

...It doesn't stop him from talking to her anyway.]

It's about damn time, I was beginning to think no one was gonna pay attention to me at this rate...

[Whether he's acting pathetic for sympathy pets or is really just that pathetic is anyone's guess. Either way, he's going full ham.]

Can't even get a scratch on the head or... [He pauses, opening one of his eyes just to gauge her reaction. Is any of this working?] ...or someone to scoop you up and get you the hell outta here? It's criminal, baby!

Awww, you poor thing! Don't you have anybody to look out for you?

[She's not particularly taken in by the little guy's quest for sympathy, but she does reach down to give his chin a little scratch.

Look, he's cute, okay?]

[Score.

He's been through a lot this morning, so even the tiniest chin scratch is like gold. The sad crying puppy act is thrown out the window the moment he gets what he wanted, and his little stubby tail wags like wild. Finally, he's getting somewhere.]

I'm what they like to call a lone wolf, it's only me lookin' out for me~

[Which is an interesting thing for someone who was just whining about being ignored to brag about. Also his team and his Johto travel companion will probably kill him later.]

[What a weird dog.]

Heh. You're a pretty stylin' little guy, you know that?

[She moves from chin scratchies to give that silly pompadour a pat, before moving further back to scratch around the base of his little Deino head spike.]

Y'know, I think you've got a fan club.

[Has she noticed Dandy's long suffering and embarrassed-looking team, just out of the way over there? You bet your britches she has.]

[Yes! Yes, he is stylin', isn't he?! Dandy can't help but beam with pride as he gets lost in the pets, he could literally do this forever. Being a dog is so easy and he feels sorry for the poor suckers who didn't wind up as one.

...And then she mentions his team and Dandy finds himself snapping out of his dreamy daze.]

The hell are you talkin' about- [Yeah, he stops himself when he peers over his shoulder and gets a good look at his now frazzled team. What was that crap about being a lone wolf?! Too bad for them, Dandy just blows them off.] Eh, I guess you could say that.

[Said fan club has had enough of this, and before Dandy realizes it, he's surrounded by four of his own Pokemon who all look like they're done with his shenanigans. Two of them are huge, a toucannon and a skuntank, while the other two smaller ones are a brightly colored jangmo-o and an actual deino. Martini, the deino, looks to be the most offended despite her eyes not being visible. Dandy's out here giving deino everywhere a bad name, taking in all these pets without even trying to bite once. SHE would've totally chomped somebody's arm by now!!]

Oh. Heeey, girls...

Oh man...!

[Marceline chortles at this sudden turn of events and changes position, floating down low to the ground, and sidles up alongside the Skuntank to watch this juicy drama unfold.]

Not really a lone wolf after all, huh little dude? Gimme the deets, girls!

[She's addressing the four actual pokemon, now.]

Is he a player? A con artist? A grifter? Did I just get grifted??

[She sounds way more upset about this possibility than she actually is.]

[It's then and there that Dandy can't tell if he's relieved that Marceline can actually hear him, because now he wishes she couldn't. He's definitely forgotten that he's technically the only one who can hear his little monster party over here, but it's not really like she has to hear them in order to get the gist of what they're saying. Dandy's face grows more horrified with every accusation.

He's just trying to get close to women... his skuntank grumbles, unable to look Dandy in the eyes. Instead she focuses on Marceline since she's right there anyway. Look, she loves her trainer and all, but it's not like she can deny he's trash.

He's not even saying PLEASE!! his toucannon shrieks, her wings held against her cheeks as she shakes her head rapidly in shame.

His jangmo-o, Honey, is probably his biggest defender, and even she puffs up in anger. That's my dad and he's trying to find a trainer and leave us all... leave us all behind...!! Her little eyes well up, it really did look like he was ready to leave with the first person who'd take him. How could he just ABANDON them like that?!

He's not biting anyone. Thank you, Martini.]

Will you guys knock it off already?!

[He came out to have a good time and he's honestly feeling so attacked right now.]

[She can't understand what the four ladies are saying, but she can sure read their expressions and body language. Embarrassment, shame, anger, annoyance...

Marceline reaches out a comforting hand to pat the Skuntank's shoulder, since she's right there. Though, honestly, all these 'mons look like they could use some good, solid commiseration.]

...Dang, dude, what did you do?

[The skuntank's eyes water up, overwhelmed by the comforting gesture. It's so nice to know that there are still good people out in the world.

Dandy bristles defensively, obviously unprepared for all this betrayal. It's amazing how easily something can fall apart the moment you believe it's going your way.]

I didn't do anything!! Can't a guy try to score some free pets around here?!

[Marceline definitely notices the Skuntank tears. What the butts?]

You must've done something! Why is she crying?

[She's a lot less amused than she was just a few brief moments ago, and she throws a comforting arm around the Skuntank's shoulders. Her demand for an answer is accompanied by a flash of some seriously pointy teeth.]

[Oh shit, this just got real.]

GAH- How the hell should I know, she cries over everything!!

[It's true, in fact his skuntank tears up even more when there's an entire arm around her. Wow, strangers normally never touch her like this, she could bawl if she wasn't certain her crying would get her trainer in trouble.

...And that stress only makes her water up more.

Dandy never thought he'd see the day where Ass Rat's overreaction to kindness would screw him over, but here he is.]

L-Look! She's wearing a bell-- Ass Rat, tell her who gave you that bell!!

[Ass Rat stops and looks down at said bell, a soothe bell Dandy had given her to help with her anxiety. It's very dear to her, and she does nod a little bit, soon lifting up one of her forelegs to wipe the tears from her eyes. Dandy's a jerk, but he's their jerk.]

[It's super real, little dude.

Marceline isn't exactly convinced, but she's willing to back off ever so slightly based on the Skuntank's behavior.]

Did you also give her that name, too?

[Seriously, dude? How could anyone look at this little lady's sweet chunky face and say, "Ah, yes, this demeaning, rude name is perfect for this creature!" She gives poor Ass Rat a gentle shoulder hug before withdrawing her arm to pat her on the head a bit, instead.]

Are you four really okay with this guy? You don't need any help?

[She's talking to the rest of the ladies, now, too, looking into each of their faces one at a time. She's only known them for like, a minute, but she'll go to bat for any of these fine dames, they just have to say the word.]

[Whaaaaat. There's only a handful of things that will throw Dandy's fears out the window, and one of them is definitely fighting for the honor of the booty. He puffs up defensively, which really only makes him look fluffier and even more ridiculous, but dammit he's trying his best. How could anyone think Ass Rat isn't a name of pure perfection?!]

Of course I did, name one thing that's better than ass!! Look at her beautiful booty face, how was I not supposed to name her after that?!

["Booty Rat" apparently didn't roll off the tongue as well. But he stands by his choices.

The rest of the team decide they're having too much fun with this and all give each other a look. Hmmmm, ARE they really okay with Dandy? They of course love him, no one ever gets to see how affectionate he really is with them when no one's looking, but they're also just as terrible as he is. Especially Martini, who gets a wicked grin on her face. Oh man, they could sooooo use this to get more treats...

Dandy's toucannon seems to be in on the plan and holds her wing up more like a hand and waves it in a so-so fashion. Her trainer nearly screeches at the continued betrayal, but there's at least one good egg among them.

His little baby, brightly colored jangmo-o can only tease "dad" so much before it breaks her heart, and she finally paws up to Dandy and nuzzles against him. Look? See? He's niiiiice. Dandy's puffiness simmers down just a little at the surprise contact and he can't help but smirk at his apparently only good child. The others aren't really set to make Honey look like a liar, so with a somewhat defeated sigh, they all return to his side. Even his toucannon gives a bit of a nervous squawky laugh, she was only joooooking, gosh. Please don't kill her trainer.]

Y'see? [Dandy's much more calmer now, even if he still looks a little annoyed.] You can keep pettin' me now.

I can name a bunch of things.

[Sunsets, killer rock concerts, robbing sky witches with your BFF...

She gives Ass Rat one final pat and shifts position again, floating up and coming around so that she's more or less in front of Dandy. She crosses her legs lotus-style in midair and rests her elbows on her knees and her chin on her hands. She's still watching the mouthy dude's four ladies critically, but relaxes a bit when she sees how they respond to her question. He may talk a big game, but it looks like they have him pretty well in line. She's been around plenty long enough to know how this setup works, so it's best to leave it be. Things'll work out.]

Mmmmm, pass. You can pet yourself.

But hey, do you mind if I ask you a question?

[Oh good, he wasn't sure if he could handle being murdered today. To think the very people who almost made it happen were the ones to save him. Bless his girls, they're too good ~~for~~ to him.

But let's see now, questions huh...]

My price is one pat.

[Dandy is absolutely going to try to milk this as much as he can, even after being told no. Look, it's really hard to pet yourself when you don't have any hands-]

Mmmmmmmmit's not that important.

[She unfolds herself from her floating lotus sit, preparing to go.]

You ladies take care of each other, alright?

[Ass Rat gets an extra smile and a little wave before she turns.]

[There's a sparkle in Ass Rat's eyes, her pupils growing huge in awe. She adores you, mysterious floating woman...

Dandy can't say the same, bristling again once his brilliant plan fails. Maaaaaaaaybe he can credit her for the time she did pet him. But just this once.]

Jeez... Wait, fine. Whaddya want?

[Gosh, what a generous guy.]

Oh.

[She pauses and looks back over her shoulder, squints at him for a second or two, then finally turns around to face him again.]

I was just wondering, since you're the first non-human little dude I've met here who can talk. Are you like, just an extra fancy little dino dog, or have you been cursed or something?

[Oh. Well, that wasn't nearly as bad as he was expecting.]

Let's get this out of the way, there is nothing curse-y about being a lovable pup. ["""Lovable"""] I'll have you know that I just...kinda woke up this way. No pissin' off a witch or whatever required.

["""Lovable"""]

That you know of, anyway.

Huh, okay. That seems weird, but whatever. Thanks for answering my question.

WHO'S THAT POKEMON?

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