victory_road | [text]

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hello, poke universe, i'm john egbert! or, general poke land, i guess... poke lands. i have a probably really dumb request but just stay with me here for now. come with me on this, uh, idiot journey.

so, i arrived here two days ago and i thought i knew what was going on. i have done pokemon before, i know how the game works. i even got nostalgic and replayed it four years ago so i'm not THAT out of practice. the thing is, i forgot that stuff that takes maybe ten minutes on the game boy would obviously take much longer in person?

basically, i bought some more snacks but i am still on route 29 with no sight of cherrygrove city and i am out of food. is there anything like a bike delivery service that i can order from because i am not finding it with a preliminary search. i can't afford much because there don't seem to be any people to fight on this route but it would be pretty stupid if i couldn't even make it to the first real city?

did they fix it here so you can ride the horse pokemon, incidentally, because i always thought it was weird that you had to get a bike instead of just putting on a special flame proof saddle and riding a ponyta. or non fire horses i guess because there are actually a lot of pokemon here i don't recognise and i guess a special flame proof saddle would cost the same as a bike anyway.

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[She's...really excited. From the few get-togethers John has made it to in the last couple of years, he got used to an increasingly businesslike Jane. One who greeted him a bit too formally. This is...good, actually. He doesn't care what dumb shit Dirk was saying, this Jane feels more real and true than the one he knows has felt to him for years. Which...feels mean to older Jane, maybe, but this Jane is here, now, and he's feeding off her enthusiasm, not even faking his happiness at seeing her now.]

Yeah! [And then he can't hold it in any more and quickly cuts the distance between them to attempt to swoop her up into a hug. She's easily as strong as him so she can probably stop it from happening if she wants to but he does have about a foot of height advantage! If she lets it happen, it's a very tight hug and lasts a few seconds before he puts her down again.]

I think it's pretty neat! It means I have always had a Jane as my first guide into a game! Not that you're, uh, a game construct or anything.

[He settles back, reaching up to nudge Alice's wing so it's not fluffing its way into his right eye.]

Riku said I was here before...I guess that's what you mean? Have you also been here for years?

[Oh, shucks, no, bring it in, give your Teen Nanna a hug! She returns it in kind, a little surprised by the gesture but welcoming it nonetheless.

Years in a peaceful world where life is of your own making and you have nothing to tie you back to who you were is kind of like that - it makes you a lot less prone to becoming cold and hard and cruel. It makes you appreciate the people you have around you when you have them.]

Pfft, I'd hope I wasn't! Then I would have to keep walking the same paces over and over again, saying the same exact thing in this world!

[Not every native to Pokemon Land is like that, but I mean, there's only so many times Youngster Joey should be able to brag about his top percentage Rattata.]

Oh, you spoke to Riku - golly, he's been here ages and ages! But yes, when I first came here about three years ago there were quite a few of us here from our world. [She pulls back slightly, not to get away from John but to just, you know, look him in the eye when she continues speaking.] But folks can come and go on a whim here, or never seem to leave at all. So for now, it's you and I, and...

[...Oh, eugh, this is going to be complicated. Especially when Jane really only grasps the basics.]

...Well...technically, Dirk is here, too. And while it's kind of complicated and unpleasant to think about, I do know I ought to tell you that he is certainly not the young man I was friends with. So...I suppose this is a fair warning that if he barges in on you, he's. Going to be weirder than usual?

[Ok, well, that's...not great. Because John doesn't really want to leave and he's finding he doesn't want Jane to leave either, so the fact that nobody has any control over it kind of sucks? He just won't think about it. Instead, he wants to remember what he was holding off on telling or asking Jane, so he's already taking his PokeGear out of his pocket to check their conversation when she brings up Dirk.]

Ok, that is good to know because I wasn't actually sure? I don't actually know Dirk that well and I thought maybe he was actually just this weird all along. [He gestures with the PokeGear indicatively to sort of...represent the conversation before turning it on and scrolling back to Jane.] Oh, right, uh, he is from where I am in the time line, though, or basically around that point, anyway.

[This is fair, because Jane doesn't want to leave. The more she hears about what happens next for her, the less she wants any part of it. And who would take care of her Pokemon? Who would know their likes and dislikes, their temperments, their needs as well as she? They'd be heartbroken, and part of her would be, too.]

I mean, he was always himself, but now it's to a very cruel extent-

[

Oh. Dirk's. Already contacted John? Why did she not see - oh bugger he made it private, he learned it from her. At least he's not smearing his ass all over the network, but still.

Going to respect John's privacy and not take the 'gear and read it, though. The orange text is all she needs.]

Uugh, that's...I did want to ask you about that, since he came to me all high and mighty about being older than I was. And also something about how he's a bunch of his splinter selves all in one body? Some weird Sburb malarkey like that.

[Did you want to keep that a secret, Dirk? Well...too bad...!]

He - he didn't...was he nasty to you? Because if he was, I...well...it'd be par for the flipping course at this point, but...

[But if he's going to make a habit out of being a pissant to people from home? Especially her Teen-Poppop-slash-Ectobiological-Son? Oh, honey, just try to catch these hands. Or a Power-Up Punch.]

[That's...news. What Jane is talking about...that's definitely the Ultimate Self thing that Rose and Roxy halfway explained to him. They'd thought that Rose was the only one going through it. Or....Rose had thought that, John can't be certain Roxy didn't know. She was the one who mentioned Dirk having "thoughts", after all.]

He wasn't nasty, exactly, just really blunt and rude. I think he thinks I count as some sort of main character here? Which doesn't make any sense: people have been here for years.

[He puts the Gear away, now that he's recalled what he wanted to ask. But, hang on, what Dirk said about Jane...]

Was he nasty to you? Did he actually tell you all that stuff about you being irrelevant because that is a major dick move and also not even true? I don't even get how he can think it's true if he's also doing the Ultimate Self thing and becoming all of his selves! That doesn't make any sense!

[It's an especially sore point after he realised that HE was treating his doomed friends that way.]

That's...creepy and weird, and also rude...

[And also does being a "main character" even matter? Not in actual life, it doesn't. Why would it matter here?]

...I mean...yeah, he was, sort of? But that's - you know, you just got here, and we don't need to delve into that right now immediately...

[Also, it still hurts. A lot. It's a very complicated hurt and John just arrived and he ought to be, you know, getting to Cherrygrove and healing up and taking care of himself...]

I'll be honest - the last thing I remember from home is going God Tier and Jade was suddenly there. I don't know exactly what happens next, nor do I really want to know beyond the general "things get fucky" explanation I've been given. I never even considered an after in Sburb, and now...

[And now apparently she's mean and nasty in the future? And Dirk is even worse and also some kind of megalomaniac? John how did you put up with all this]

[He put up with it mainly by completely isolating like a healthy person! Things are great on Earth C for sure!]

Ok, that is fair, but you should know that we did win and uh...

[Should she know this, actually? Probably. Dirk is being weird and might actually use it against him somehow? He doesn't know how but he's sure he'd find a way, considering he's apparently been being really mean to someone John had assumed was one of Dirk's best friends.]

...I had to go back in canon to kill Lord English and I am actually dead now. It's ok, though! I'm here now, so, it's fine! [He smiles! See? It's fine!] We should probably start going to Cherrygrove if you have your breath back from running over.

[john no]

...Oh...oh, John...

[Her face falls at the news, something like hurt pressing through her expression. That's. That's sad, John. That's sad and not fair. He seems like he doesn't want to dwell on it, though, and that's alright, she won't pry, but...wow, fuck Sburb, man.]

I...yes, of course, I'm ready to get back on the road. How about you? Did you want something to eat first? I've got granola bars and stuff...

[He's a bit worried she might push for a moment, and then he'll have to try and talk about it, maybe? And it's so much...

But she doesn't, which is a major relief. Maybe not even too surprising: she didn't want him to push about when and where she came from exactly, after all. Not that he could even tell, really, he thinks her timeline didn't even diverge until Vriska showed up? Something like that. Anyway, he's not thinking about that and Jane's not thinking about that and he actually is pretty hungry.]

Yes please! It's been...probably not actually that long but it feels like ages. Snacks are not exactly permanently filling. [Now that they're done the serious conversation stuff, something occurs to him abruptly.] Jane, have you done the whole Pokemon Master thing?

[I mean, she is thinking about it? And how fucked up it is? But also, you don't just steamroll people for details on their death, that's fucked up. He's got to come to it when he's ready, and for now, they should focus on immediate needs.]

Have I - oh, um, not yet! I'm sort of taking it gradually? It's a little more complicated than beating eight gyms and then those Elite Four guys. In this world, you need to do both the Kanto and Johto set of gyms before they even let you travel up that way! And then they let you open up your own gym if you beat the Elite Four. It's kind of cool, and I'd like to do that eventually.

[Just gonna grab a couple granola bars out of her bag- peanut free, of course - and hand them over.] This should hold you until we get to Cherrygrove. They have a diner there, among other things, and it's pretty good.

[Jane is a good...complicated relative. Thanks, Jane!]

Oh, wow, seriously? I...guess that makes sense when there is more than one Player Character. If you open a gym do other people have to do that gym as part of the challenge? Or is it just a cool thing you can have?

[He takes the granola bar, checks it on autopilot, and then gives Jane a grateful smile as he opens it. Mom couldn't have possibly known when she gave him GORP, so Jane filling in the momly role in this case is really appreciated. She's really good....why DID he ever lose contact with her? At least he has another chance now. Maybe this reality is like a sort of...new game plus.] Oh jeez, yes, I could definitely go for some diner food.

It's optional, actually! You can go challenge them whenever you want, but the ones we open up are expected to be very difficult to beat, if only because it takes so much effort to get to that point to begin with.

[It's complicated. Jane's grown into a momly role in this world, even though she'd rather no one actually say as much. When the Pokemon who cross your path become your friends and allies but can only do so much in the way of caring for themselves, it becomes second nature. She's not the Jane that John drifted apart from, at least.]

Then we'll make that our second stop - the first being the Pokemon Center, of course.

In that case, I will have to prepare myself and my Pokemon so I can try your gym when you make it! What kind of gym are you thinking of?

[He starts eating the bar rather than continuing to comment on the diner. Thinking about it is making him hungrier than he already is, and he knows what Pokemon Centers are! They were thankfully in the version he played before ending up in this one, unlike a lot of the other stuff he's learning now.]

[This is such a nice topic that totally isn't avoiding the giant herd of elephants in the room.]

Well, I thought it might be nice if the main area was sort of a bakery-slash-puzzle course. I'd make sure there was a living area and office upstairs to be all responsible and the like, but...oh, I haven't quite plotted out everything yet, but there's going to be a lot of fun tricks and traps, for sure!

[Everything is fine! This is a great topic that is absolutely not John avoiding anything!

He finishes the bar in the time it takes for Jane to explain the concept.]

Cool! Do you mean like...it would be a combination? You could go in and buy a croissant or go through a puzzle maze? Or would baked goods be the reward for making it through?

Well, it would sort of be...like, you know, the front part would be a normal bakery, right? But if you want to take the gym challenge, then you'd need to do puzzles to move on to the area beyond the storefront, which would not only be the kitchen part but also very puzzle-y and adventure-y! Kind of like...you need to figure out which switches to press in which order, or what path to take...and I want sliding on oversized baking sheets to be involved, somehow.

[Basically she just wants it to be really fun.]

Along the way you'd fight trainers who work there, either as bakers or as decorators, and then at the end you'd fight me, and if you won, you'd get a badge! And also free baked goods. Not an obscene amount of them, [since hello, gotta turn a profit] but...perhaps at least one for each Pokemon, and one for yourself.

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