[ video / action for saffron city jenny station if you feel like it ]

[meteorman]

[It's been a while since Ford has made a post of his own to the network. He's been busy with one thing after another. Primarily he's been focused on getting his Aurora League gym all set up and ready to go. More recently there was all the business with the Ultra Beasts and Aether to be dealing with.

Most recently, as a result of that business, he stormed into the Silph Co. building in Saffron and got himself dragged out again by the Jennies. So now here he is in a jail cell on charges of resisting arrest that he probably could have avoided if he wasn't a Pines and didn't have a natural inclination toward crime. Why does he still have his gear? It took him nearly fifteen minutes just to empty out most of his coat pockets and by that time the Jennies were over it.]

Greetings! I have an announcement to make. For those of you who haven't met me, my name is Dr. Stanford Pines, and about a year ago I began construction on the Horizon Gym on Johto Route 36. That construction has finally been completed. The grand opening is going to be postponed until such time as I can post bail. My plan is to have the museum doors unlocked by next Tuesday, with official challenges beginning on the Wednesday after.

[Why did he not wait until that Tuesday (and bail) to make this announcement? Because he's Ford Pines and, like everyone in his family, he can't be contained by a jail for very long. If his crime wasn't so minor he probably would have broken out by now, but relatively it's not worth the effort or the subsequent warrant for re-arrest. It's not like he can dodge that by skipping out on this universe, which used to be his go-to.]

I had planned to do something over Halloween, but as you can imagine those plans fell through. That was really my mistake. Halloween has never gone to plan in this universe and I don't know why I thought it would this year.

In the meantime I will be taking questions because, as you can imagine, I'm incredibly bored.

[He means about the gym-and-museum, but 'why are you in jail' or 'aren't you that guy with the Ninetales I keep seeing memes of' are valid questions.]

Comments

[pkemeter]

[Oh boy. He said that word. Egon pauses for a moment, arching an eyebrow in disbelief. It's incredibly unfortunate that Ford missed Egon's earlier post when he was trying to prove a point to Ray, which is that--]

Aliens don't exist.

[Egon delivers the sentence in an incredibly deadpan manner, as simply as he were stating a fact. Surely, a proficient scientist such as Stanford Pines wouldn't make such a mistake, would he?]

[meteorman]

[Absolutely yes he would. With gusto.

Of course, he's over here thinking much the same thing. Of course aliens are real; there's overwhelming evidence that they must be. Surely a proficient scientist such as Egon Spengler wouldn't make such a mistake, would he?

No. Of course not.]

Oh, I see. Of course they don't. [And he winks.]

[pkemeter]

[Egon blinks. Is Stanford Pines making a joke to his face? About something as serious as the nonexistence of aliens? Egon may be bad at reading sarcasm, but he can definitely tell when someone is making fun of him.]

Of course not. Anyone who buys into the theory of extraterrestrial life is a fool.

[A brief pause.]

I take it you are not willing to share your methods.

[meteorman]

[... Oh my god, is he serious. No, he can't be. It's just the deadpan delivery.]

You do realize the government here is only a government in the loosest sense of the term and nobody is going to be disappeared for stating obvious fact, right? We're not in Nevada.

And I told you. I wasn't the one who designed or performed the procedure. I can tell you very little about how it was done beyond what I'm sure is common sense.

[Open head, put metal on,]

[pkemeter]

[He's being 100% serious. Egon coughs, the corner of his mouth twitching downwards.]

Of course I know that. Just as much as I know that the government here can't postulate inane theories to cover up real supernatural events, unlike back in my home dimension. The people here are much smarter than that.

[He's not even addressing the head plate thing anymore. This is far more important.]

[meteorman]

[oh my god]

So your explanation for the alien craft under the town in which I conducted the bulk of my research, which came complete with alien skeletons, alien technology and alien language to study, would be...?

[pkemeter]

It would likely be the result of cross-dimensional contamination. One species of creature from another dimension somehow transporting itself into another, whether it be through some sort of accidental supernatural phenomena or through deliberate means.

[He sounds calm, but let's be real--he's approximately just Inches Away from losing it.]

[meteorman]

No, that doesn't make sense. Granted I'll give you that cross-dimensional contamination is possible -- all of us here right now are proof of that -- but in this case I doubt it. I've translated crop circles and strange markings left on abducted livestock and what they amount to is advertisements. There would be no point in setting up a billboard somewhere that no one would ever see it.

It's far more likely that Earth is considered not worth stopping at except to put the billboard up so that everyone flying past will see it as they lock their windows and keep driving.

[pkemeter]

That's ridiculous. You must be mistranslating them--when I looked into the linguistics of crop circles, they were clear indicators of supernatural activity and potential magical runes.

[If he's getting heated, it's difficult to tell--his face is still absolutely deadpan, as is his tone. There's the barest sense of irritation that seems to be creeping into his tone, however, and it's clear that he won't give this argument up without a fight.]

The probability of extraterrestrial life is so incredibly minuscule, it would be in poor scientific taste to ascribe so readily to the theory without taking into account supernatural phenomena that already exist.

[meteorman]

[This could so easily be solved by just agreeing 'well in your universe it works different' but neither of them is going to be that smart. Their very credentials as men of science are being called into question!]

I assure you I was not mistranslating. I am an expert in cryptography. Furthermore I have studied Earth-native extra-human beings extensively and none of them could have been responsible for the technology I encountered. Unicorns are conniving but not that skilled.

[pkemeter]

[No, absolutely not. These are two stubborn, stubborn science men who absolutely hate being wrong and will avoid it at all costs. Obviously, the other one is undeniably incorrect in their theories.]

Pain in English means something quite different when spelled the exact same in French. There is most definitely a chance for mistranslation when it comes to unusual language patterns not found in human civilization.

[(egon voice) have you seen the hit sci fi film arrival--actually he would hate arrival it has aliens in it]

That is because you are limiting your view to Earth-native beings and not taking into account organisms and spirits from other dimensions. If gods can manifest and shape reality to their whims, an interdimensional being with the appropriate abilities would be capable of constructing such intricate symbols seen in crop circles.

[meteorman]

Don't lecture me about gods.

[Oh boy. Egon, you don't know so it's not your fault, but god-like interdimensional beings that want to fuck around with Earth are kind of a thing for Ford Pines.]

I know very well what an extra-dimensional creature with enough power can do. They don't just fuck around with crop circles.

[pkemeter]

I am saying that if a god is able to accomplish such things, lesser beings would be able to create minuscule phenomena such as crop circles.

[Yeah, the anger is definitely noticeable in Egon's voice, now--which is basically just him raising his voice just a little more and enunciating his words more forcefully. He exhales sharply, rubbing his forehead.]

I suppose next you'll say that the Ultra Beasts are aliens, as well.

[meteorman]

[oh my god he's so mad]

Of course they are! We all are! And I have reason to believe the entire human population of this planet is descended from people just like us who were brought here from other worlds precisely as we were.

And don't you go getting pedantic over the distinction between aliens living on distant worlds in this universe and aliens who arrived from another universe. You know functionally they equate to the same thing in the eyes of the native species.

[pkemeter]

[they're both fucking pissed!!!!!]

Please. Don't condescend me--we know for a fact that they come from an alternate dimension to ours, making them natives of their dimension. Extraterrestrial life and interdimensional life are completely different in their categorization, and you know it! You cannot just flagrantly ignore semantics!

[As he continues to speak, his voice continues to rise in volume until Egon is practically yelling. This is probably the first time that anyone in this universe--save for the Ghostbusters, of course--has heard Egon actually shout. It's only a sentence or two, but it's still a definite contrast from the otherwise deadpan scientist.]

[meteorman]

[OLD MAN YELLS AT OLD MAN]

I'm not condescending, I'm stating basic facts! It's a square-rectangle issue. Not all aliens are from another dimension, but every being from another dimension is an alien, where alien is defined as a creature that comes from any planet that is not the one on which it currently finds itself.

[Ford is being loud enough that one of the Jennies comes over to knock sharply on the bars and remind him he's in a public space. He grumbles what might be an apology but probably isn't.]

[pkemeter]

Would you like to say that to my face, Dr. Pines?

[The off-screen knock reminds Egon that Ford is, in fact, in jail right now, and an idea forms in his mind.]

Careful--you wouldn't want your incarceration to be extended for making yet another scene, would you?

[FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT]

[meteorman]

[Oohhhh you little shit]

You're just lucky I'm in here or I would be saying it to your face.

[pkemeter]

Mark my words, Pines--when I get back to Johto, I will head straight for your gym and challenge you.

[He has his personal pride to protect!! And his only other alternative would be a fist fight, which he would surely lose.

...Let's be real, he's going to lose regardless of what he does.]

[meteorman]

If you can even get to me.

[He's pretty proud of his puzzle design. And it's also alien themed.]

[pkemeter]

[Oh, God. Egon's not even going to get in through the door without spending at least three hours going on about the puzzle's inclusion of aliens and absolutely not making progress on it. Off camera, Egon's hands are balled tightly into fists. His eyebrow twitches with absolute indignation.

He's not stupid--he knows Ford has far more experience when it comes to battling and scientific endeavors, but that doesn't mean he's not going to try to fucking destroy him.]

I have time. Regardless of how long it will take, by the time I reach you, my strategy will have been honed to the point of perfection.

[Fear Fuckel the Shuckle.]

[meteorman]

Oh, I'm sure you'll have the perfect strategy for a randomized team.

[Maybe it's unwise to show his hand this early in regards to that, but he's also not exactly making a secret of it. It's basically the entire gimmick of his gym. You have to be able to think on your feet.]

Good luck.